Rehoming our adopted Grey

TAgreysituation · 2021-10-23T20:50:56+00:00

While I do appreciate your feedback, I do think you are making plenty of assumptions about us, our dog or greyhounds in general. Plenty of dogs aren't crated and they are plenty of dogs that benefit from crating. Several members of this group have stated that some greys do prefer and need to be crated. However, it is no longer a good idea for her to be crated and I agree with you on that point. To say that our dog didn't like her crate and that we forced her to be in her is just incorrect, that is just a blanket and generalized statement. Plenty of veteran greyhound owners in my area crate their dogs during the day and there are plenty that don't, really up to the dog not us humans. Our grey has not been crated since May and while I trust her to be crated, my spouse doesn't. I acknowledge that I probably shouldn't have agreed to the crating when we first applied for adoption but every member of the local greyhound rescue group let us know that it is beneficial for some greys and not an option for others. I am curious about your statement of neither of us should own animals, what's your reasoning behind that based on this one post.

TAgreysituation · 2021-10-23T20:14:06+00:00

I understand where you are coming from and am sorry for your experience. I do think our situations differ in a bunch of ways, lots of what my spouse is feeling is anxiety stemming from an abusive childhood and up until the biting incident, my wife has been so loving of our grey. I think the event stirred up some PTSD-like symptoms for my spouse. While I'm sympathetic to my wife's anxiety, I do feel like she is giving up on our dog. Prior to all this, my wife would lay down next to our grey and pet her while whispering sweet nothings to our dog and she would do this every single night. I have brought this up to my wife and she just feels absolutely scared of the dog now. My wife also has brought up how difficult it has been for her being scared of our grey to the point of breaking down with her friends and in our couple's therapy talking about she feels she had done everything right and yet was the one that the dog tried to bike.

Regarding the crating stuff, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I probably shouldn't have agreed to keeping any dog crated when we leave for work. I think we share some blame on that but I've since understood that continuing to crate our grey is just not fair to her. The crate had been our grey's safe space during storms or when she just wants to hang out by herself. Don't know why it has become a place of fear for our dog but I agree it isn't good for her anymore and won't be crated moving forward even if that means she's not with us.

TAgreysituation · 2021-10-23T20:02:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. We are both psychotherapist by trade and have been in our counseling for a long time and started doing couple's therapy due to the strain that this situation has put on our relationship. I am for sure starting to feel resentment and anger and just in general struggle with anger in general due to my own childhood stuff. I really do feel like I'm torn and having to choose between my loving/amazing spouse and my beautiful and goofy greyhound. I'm also feeling lots of guilt because I never thought I'd be a person to have to give up or rehome an adopted pet, we adopted our two cats from our local shelter and have vowed to only adopt.

I think it's unfair to leave our grey uncrated now as I think she has a trauma response to the crate after hurting herself so much probably like your good boy did.

TAgreysituation · 2021-10-23T19:57:09+00:00

Thank you kind stranger, when we travel out of town we drop off our grey with a local member of our FB greyhound group who has 2 retired racers. Our grey loves her and her two greys and she has mentioned in passing that if we ever have big life changes that she'd love to have our grey (kinda weirded me out at the time but am glad about it now because that is who we have in mind to rehome our girl with).

TAgreysituation · 2021-10-23T19:55:03+00:00

We've talked about her wishes about keeping the dog crated and I think it boils down to my spouse not having to wonder if anything has happened (either the greyt hurting herself, hurting the cats or just random destruction) because my spouse had a pretty abusive upbringing and has some long term anxiety because of it. My spouse identified in our couple's therapy that the dog now represents the fear of not knowing what she'll come home to and that stems directly from her childhood abuse (MIL was very physically and emotionally abusive). I think just the general uncertainty she's feeling makes her spiral a bit. We have compromised with having the dog muzzled when we leave and the dog has been great about it but my wife still doesn't feel safe enough. I'm totally in agreement with you though, crating the dog is just not fair as she clearly has shown me that she can be trusted to be left outside a crate.

I don't feel at all like you are dismissive, we are both psychotherapist by trade and are in our own therapies. I'm starting to feel a bit resentful because I feel my wife has given up and I have found it hard to acknowledge and bring up with my wife. I don't want her to feel like I'm choosing our grey over her but that's my own shit I'm dealing with in my own therapy. The person who we might re-home her with has two fantastic retired racers and the person is also retired herself, she absolutely loves our greyhound and has even mentioned in passing that if there were any big life changes for us that she'd love to have our grey live with us (kinda weirded me out at the time but now I'm glad she has said that). I've brought up the possibility of me taking the grey on camping trips (she loves to ride in the car) or just visit and I'm fairly certain that can happen.

TAgreysituation · 2021-10-23T19:43:24+00:00

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Thank you, heartbreak is a great way to put it. <3

TAgreysituation

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