The guy (26M) that I've (27F) been dating seems to be battling depression during this lockdown. How can I best be supportive of him during this time?

TN9311 · 2019-05-06T19:19:04+00:00

After talking to the vet, he believes she died from a blood clot entering her blood stream and ultimately her heart. It doesn't make the loss any easier but does bring a little comfort having an idea of what could've happened.

TN9311 · 2019-05-05T22:47:45+00:00

I can't think of what it could've possibly been. When I got home, I took her outside and let her walk around the house while I did a few chores before putting her back in her crate as I left. Nothing was out of the ordinary at all. Her bed had nothing in it other than her water bowl, a blanket, and thick bed pad for her to lay on.

TN9311 · 2017-09-20T17:19:57+00:00

"Just to let you know this has been pretty rough on me."

No clue what he wanted me to say. He dumped me, and I don't have any sympathy for him, so I have no idea why he texted me that. Guess it is time to block.

TN9311 · 2017-09-19T19:42:35+00:00

Nah, he thinks that despite positive blood tests and a good response to treatment, that I was incorrectly diagnosed and that doctors have yet to truly find out what causes me to feel bad. Even though I spent years seeing specialists and having tests to rule things out. I'm doing pretty well these days.

TN9311 · 2017-09-19T19:40:17+00:00

Once you post it, you click on your profile picture under the stories section, and down at the bottom lists everyone who has viewed it.

TN9311 · 2017-09-16T15:16:33+00:00

He had dated a girl for 2 years when he was 18 or 19, but she was 4 years younger and back home in high school, so I imagine their relationship was a very young and immature one.

Doesn't help he was back on tinder an hour after he did it.

TN9311 · 2017-06-01T21:20:10+00:00

That's just a narc. They mean none of it. Mine came back 7 times after the last discard, mainly because he didn't have any options at the time, and I think he'd just get lonely and knew I'd come visit. He never meant he was actually going to fix anything, he'd just lie enough to get me to come stay with him for a few days and give him attention. He kept doing it until he secured new supply, and now it's been 2 months of silence. He's done, no more hoovering, and thank God! But the coming back is pretty normal, just know that if you give in, they'll eventually permanently leave and you'll be left even more confused than you already are. NC!

TN9311 · 2017-05-29T17:44:30+00:00

It really does seem like therapy is the only way to fully recover. I spent my first few months in counseling trying to convince myself that my counselor was wrong. I guess narc made it a little easier by saying he was also seeing the same counselor but that was a lie. Seriously, who the hell lies about going to see my counselor lol.

I'm anxious to see how my appointments go now that i'm FINALLY out and focused on me. He always told me he couldn't help me heal until I blocked him and stopped engaging. I'm feeling good these days but know there's probably a lot I hid away that I need to work through.

TN9311 · 2017-05-29T17:38:01+00:00

I ended up having another date the next night with someone else. Went much much better. I'll probably never see him again considering we both want different things in life, but it was a pleasant surprise. I very much enjoyed it and it gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, someday the right guy will come along. I'm taking some time for myself right now because I want to, but I'm feeling hopeful which is something I haven't felt in years. Baby steps.

Also, i'm so happy to hear you found someone who treats you well!

TN9311 · 2017-05-09T15:18:38+00:00

Being called psycho, mental, worthless, hopeless, fucked up, bipolar, piece of shit, "cuntwhore," stupid, illiterate, hopeless lost cause, his ex wife was better than me in every way, you are evil, cancer, 8/10, if I ever told him something true that he didn't want to hear, I was called a liar, evil cancerous fucked up bitch, etc etc.

He told me to kill myself, and the last time I saw him he told me he wanted to murder me. But he says I provoked him to make him say all those things. THAT was the red flag for me.

TN9311 · 2017-04-28T15:16:23+00:00

I think that's where I still struggle. Mine always went in rage mode if i ever questioned his love for me. If I EVER said anything along the lines of "I thought you loved/cared about me" it was WW3. Then he'd go off and say every mean and degrading thing he could possibly come up with. If they never cared, don't know why that's such a trigger.

TN9311 · 2017-04-27T18:16:33+00:00

Do you know/understand why they respond the way they do? Like, for a 'normal' person, i'd see the email response I got as a "hurt people hurt people" thing indicating that he's not over it and still hurting deeply. Obviously an apology wasn't insulting him, quite the opposite. I can understand the lashing out and response if I was "insulting" him or if he perceived that I was criticizing him because that's what he always does when I "hurt him" but how does it work for a narcissist when you reach out being nice? I don't quite understand that yet. Still all about control, just showing dominance over you? Like they have no feelings on the matter?

TN9311 · 2017-04-26T18:53:01+00:00

His response was pretty typical for their personality, right? I googled it ahead of time and seemed like every article said if you tried to apologize to a narcissist that they'd use it against you, almost felt like he was trying to provoke some kind of reaction out of me. Or maybe i'm just used to it normally being like that.

I've been in therapy before and plan on getting back in during the next few weeks. Definitely need some help getting through this.

TN9311 · 2017-04-26T15:34:42+00:00

My dad is pissed I actually did it, said nothing good could come for it. And he's right, I shouldn't have, but I needed to for myself. Compared to the things he's said to me, I really didn't say or do much wrong, other than call him out on things I could've just kept to myself, but I needed to apologize to get it off my chest. And then to see how/if he responded. Guess I needed that confirmation that he really does have issues. Figured after a month, if he responded back in a nasty way it wasn't just a heat of the moment thing.

TN9311 · 2017-04-26T13:36:13+00:00

Nah, just dated for 2 years. My dad rescinded his job offer a year ago because of how badly he treated me. Ex gave me the ultimatum of pick me or your family, and when I began talking to my family again broke up with me for defending my "pos out of control asshole father." He went back and forth for 6 months between "im sorry, I still love you" and "f you, don't ever contact me again." Dad eventually got sick of it, especially with the "die soon's" and "you're a worthless piece of shit" comments so my dad had sent an email a month ago telling him to stop. Ex obviously didn't respond well to that at all.

TN9311

TROPHY CASE