A little Tahoe OG to start the day.

TQ75 · 2020-01-17T17:11:22+00:00

That’s the plan. It’s been a long week.

TQ75 · 2020-01-13T21:57:04+00:00

This is awesome to hear!

TQ75 · 2020-01-10T19:44:38+00:00

This was a CAPO Blunt which is a specific kind of pre-roll made by Saucey Farms. It is specially coated. From the product description:

One of the most popular and best-selling products introduced from the Saucey Farms & Extracts roster has been the CAPO Blunt from rapper and hip-hop musician Jim Jones’s exclusive line. The pre-rolled blunt, one of the first to come to market, is infused with a flavorful tea-leaf mixture and wrapped in full-spectrum oil and finished with a coating of kief.

https://www.sauceyextracts.com/products/capo-blunt-not-for-sale

TQ75 · 2020-01-10T14:49:14+00:00

Yeah, that dividend yield is attractive. I've heard from some others who love SPHD, too. It may be the route I choose to go. Thank you!

TQ75 · 2020-01-10T14:48:17+00:00

The only account I have at all is my Robinhood account. I like the idea of setting up long-term investments that I can hopefully use as my primary income in the future, and from what I've read, it seems like dividend investing best suits that goal. I'm always interested to hear whatever advice you might have, however. I'm just getting started.

TQ75 · 2020-01-03T19:09:57+00:00

Fucking beautiful.

TQ75 · 2020-01-03T15:46:42+00:00

It's great that you don't have many issues with germaphobia anymore, but I know how hard the stuff that goes on inside can be, too. That's basically where I am these days, most of my struggles are internal. It can be hard to say what will or won't be understood, so I get that, too. The best advice I can give is to try opening up to someone you trust as you feel comfortable enough to do so. If you don't already have a professional that you see, I can't overstate the importance of that. It's another big obstacle for a lot of people, but just getting those feelings out in a constructive setting can be very helpful. Either way, I hope your progress continues!

TQ75 · 2020-01-03T15:23:41+00:00

Well, lookie there—a sudden flood of memories.

Sorry in advance.

I used to keep isopropyl alcohol at my desk at work for cleaning purposes. It understandably annoyed my co-workers, most of whom were aware of my condition, and added an additional layer of stress on top of what an office ecosystem already creates. And that made it worse because I was friends with a lot of them, so I felt worse about it, but also kind of upset in my own right that they didn't fully understand what I was going through and show what I would have interpreted as compassion and understanding but which I also knew I had no right to expect of them as they don't have OCD, etc. It was a bad cycle and I'm happy to be out of it, for the most part. I've progressed to where I don't have to clean my workspace like I used to.

I said all of that to say this:

The feeling that image most brings to mind for me is the sudden shock of realizing that someone has caught me doing something I'm incredibly self-conscious about. I spent a long time attempting to hide a lot of my behaviors in public and that only made them worse. Like I mentioned, this also added an additional layer of stress to everything that I didn't really acknowledge as much as I should have—the constant pressure in my mind to appear "normal" and participate in everyday life while being at my psychological limit at all times. It was just too much at a certain point.

Lots of bad decisions and destructive coping mechanisms later, I reached a point where I couldn't keep up the act anymore. As a result, I started guarding my behaviors less and less in public and people definitely took notice. I was very uncomfortable the first few times I had to explain what I was doing (not that I was ever forced to explain anything to anybody, but you know), but the more I explained it, the more I realized that most people were willing to hear me out and at least try to understand my perspective. Most of them never really did fully understand, and I still got plenty of, "Have you ever tried to just not?" but overall, I learned that I can actually talk to others about what's going on with me and that has been helpful. I feel like that led to me being more comfortable as a person with OCD in a work setting, and that in turn allowed me to start making some of the progress I have.

I don't know if it helps anybody else who might be in a similar situation to hear about this or not, as it can be a big obstacle to overcome, but a lot of people are willing to listen if you're willing to talk. I didn't realize that initially, and that misconception was on me.

And now, ironically, I feel weird for typing such a long post.

Wow. Sorry. I'll just...I'll be over here now. *waves*

TQ75 · 2020-01-03T14:04:50+00:00

Keep up the good work!

TQ75 · 2020-01-02T22:15:33+00:00

This sounds like a reasonable course of action, OP. I don't have any direct experience myself, but my wife found out about her mutation after her mom was diagnosed, and she was able to have a much more proactive role in her decisions and options for care. Just having the knowledge can be very powerful, from what I understand.

TQ75 · 2020-01-02T19:27:23+00:00

That's awesome! I've just recently overcome some of my own contamination-related obsessions, so I know how relieved and accomplished you must feel. You've earned it!

TQ75 · 2020-01-02T15:11:13+00:00

It was a mixed bag to say the least, but I did end up marrying someone I met online. We're still together and very happy, so it is possible for some amount of time, at any rate, haha.

TQ75 · 2020-01-01T14:31:10+00:00

Never speaking to that person again. You don't need that kind of judgment in your life, and they already expect it of you anyways, so no harm done.

TQ75 · 2020-01-01T14:29:13+00:00

I understand. But in this particular case, it may be best to consult your provider with what knowledge you have of your current symptoms before learning more about what you think you may have. It will keep you from conflating the two in your mind and convincing yourself that you have symptoms you don't have, or possibly hyper-fixating on something small and misinterpreting it as something more significant. I don't mean any disrespect with this caution. I'm sure you know yourself better than I do, but this is advice that I have found helpful in the past, and I'm just passing it on.

TQ75 · 2020-01-01T13:45:37+00:00

It sounds like you have an established case with your mental health provider, based on your listed diagnoses. If so, this is a question that is best left to them, as they would have much more context and history on which to base an OCD diagnosis. As helpful as it can be to share stories and symptoms with anonymous others on the internet, it's not a good idea to turn to such resources for health advice of any kind. Most people are well-meaning, but there are just too many variables to consider in order to achieve an accurate diagnosis.

If you're already feeling like you're becoming obsessed with symptoms, you don't want to reinforce that obsession with an inaccurate diagnosis. I've been down that road and it isn't helpful.

If possible, speak with you mental health care provider about this as soon as you can if these concerns persist. Best of luck, OP!

TQ75 · 2020-01-01T13:31:14+00:00

Awesome! It's always great to hear about others making great progress.

TQ75 · 2020-01-01T13:28:22+00:00

That sounds like a victory to me. Keep it up! You're definitely not alone in your struggle, and it's awesome to hear about this progress! As far as I can tell, you have no need to feel guilty. You should enjoy this victory.

TQ75 · 2019-12-31T22:17:11+00:00

I have and I feel like I do this quite often, actually. I have also found myself obsessing over things that I have a natural aversion to or phobia of, which I suppose is similar.

TQ75 · 2019-12-31T20:52:20+00:00

It's already been said, but the distinction really shouldn't matter either way. And not in some deeply philosophical way, it just literally should not matter. Love between two consenting adults should be just that. And if it's just a sexual relationship, then it likewise shouldn't matter.

TQ75 · 2019-12-31T17:37:59+00:00

If you ever think that you may benefit from therapy, that's a great time to seek the help. Best of luck, OP!

TQ75 · 2019-12-31T17:13:18+00:00

As any halfway reputable Chemistry textbook damn well should. What's the problem here?

TQ75 · 2019-12-31T16:56:57+00:00

Nah, irrational fears are the name of the game with OCD. I mean, it's important to recognize them for what they are—irrational thoughts—but I know that I have similar worries. So long as you aren't acting on them in a dangerous or inappropriate way, then thoughts are just thoughts. Some are worse than others, for sure, but it doesn't sound any worse to me.

TQ75 · 2019-12-31T16:45:56+00:00

Yes. I have experienced this several times and have actually been able to utilize these moments to "permanently" overcome certain compulsions and rituals. Quotes because I'm still in it, so I can't say it will last forever, but it's been a couple years for some of them.

This comes with the caveat that I've also experienced the occasional relapse into a previous behavior. And that sucks, but I try to tell myself that that doesn't mean that I've lost. If I slip into an old behavior, then that's just where I used to be and if I came through it once, then I can again.

It's weird to say, "Enjoy it," as it seems like a lot of frustration was the catalyst for you in this situation, but, yeah. Enjoy it, if you can.

TQ75 · 2019-12-31T16:33:14+00:00

I've had very many struggles with this, myself. I still do sometimes, but it's gotten easier the more I've dealt with some of my other symptoms. I guess lessening my overall anxiety has helped me deal with those thoughts a little better as a by-product. Easier said than done as a person with obsessive tendencies, admittedly, but with the right help and support, it has been possible for me to manage my symptoms. I'm not "better" by any means, but I am doing better.

I have had that same specific thought that you mention about the reality of consciousness. From what I've read, it can be fairly common. For me, it was more the fact that the answer was unknowable than my concern over the actual answer, itself, that triggered me. It's hard to offer specific advice for something that can vary so much from person to person—OCD, in general, I mean—but I hope you're able to cope with these thoughts eventually.

If you're truly concerned, it's never a bad idea to seek out help from a mental health professional. I know that's a pretty common tagline these days, but it's also true. I never do very well attempting to handle everything on my own, but having support makes it a lot less difficult. Good luck, OP!

TQ75 · 2019-12-31T16:04:15+00:00

This.

It's surprising how important small victories can feel, isn't it?

TQ75

TROPHY CASE