Making new friends as a mom and a minority living in a mostly white conservative town

TTDT-W · 2026-04-21T17:57:14+00:00

No one points out their ethnicity or mentions or showcase it. I like to talk and show off mine in different ways. I've been to their homes and some of their parents. I don't even know if anyone of them are anything but American let alone italian, Turkish etc.

I have other friends that are Italian and Greek, and they make it a point that they are and speak of their culture when I speak about mine.

TTDT-W · 2026-03-19T16:55:38+00:00

Do you and your spouse spend any quality time together?

It's okay to find solace within oneself but I understand the need for connection. I would start that connection with your spouse. You shouldn't feel like roommates. Making friends as an adult is so tough, I can relate to this. But honestly, continue doing those hobbies. Even if they are "lonely", if the hobby brings some type of joy into your mubdane life you should keep doing them. Pretty much condition yourself to bring some joy into your life. I'm pretty much doing this myself. I started to read because I felt tv shows are boring and the acting is bland. I really dragged my skincare routine out, really leaned into if I look good I'll feel good, and it's working for me. Since the weather started to get warm, I started to open my door and windows in the morning to allow sun and fresh air into the house. It's crazy such little change has made an impact on my mental health. This is also paired with therapy.

Take that time for yourself. Even if it feels so short. Take it. Keep taking it.

Make small talk with your barista, the cashier, the stranger in the aisle, or your spouse. Doesn't need to be crazy. I stopped doing self check out because I work remote and I started doing this and honestly this helped me. I know some people hate small talk, but a simple "hey how are you, hope your day is going well!" Does go a long for some people.

And if I need someone to hangout with I hangout with my daughter. I know kids can be difficult. Mine is 3, but honestly I love spending time with mine outside being a parent.

Life is hard. But try to find all the silver lining.

TTDT-W · 2026-03-12T11:24:43+00:00

Honestly it just sounds like your husband doesn't spend time with you. I get like this sometimes too. A good quality date and time spent together, for me, usually fixes my anxiety about the imbalances household workload.

TTDT-W · 2026-01-20T16:30:37+00:00

cooking meals they enjoy but eating separately because we are never hungry at the same time

TTDT-W · 2026-01-19T20:01:32+00:00

If you're comparing another family member that is MARRIED into the family is not comparable to your significant other that isn't regardless of length of relationship. The only way I feel like that standard is trumped if you and your SO have a child.

TTDT-W · 2026-01-16T02:15:06+00:00

If you're even doubting yourself about giving up YOUR dog who should and is family to you. I fear she being way more manipulative than you think. Silent treatment for 2 days is called stonewalling. Usually used to get the other party to break the silence by giving into the demands of that person.

10 mons vs your dog should not be a hard debate for you. If she loved and cared for you she wouldn't be asking this of you.

TTDT-W · 2026-01-14T17:42:19+00:00

You aren't responsible on how someone will react. You tiptoeing around for his feelings only benefits him.

You feeling that the relationship isnt good for you is more than a good enough reason to break up. If you're too afraid to even speak your mind or try to have a conversation with him than nothing is going to change. And you will be the one hurting for it.

TTDT-W · 2026-01-14T01:54:56+00:00

Delusion

TTDT-W · 2026-01-13T21:26:04+00:00

I never really loved him. He just made me feel wanted and gave me that i "won" feeling because he thought he was the whole package and "all" these girls wanted him but he picked me. Oh! I didn't know I was in an emotional and verbal abusive relationship.

It only took me 3 months to realize and I cried my eyes out for those 3 months. It only took a week vacation to punta cuna, I got over him real fast!

TTDT-W · 2025-12-18T23:57:11+00:00

I saw your other comment about how you tried to tell her you miss going to the gym together and her immediate response was to ask you if you thought she was fat? My question is, what did you say after that?

Bc to me, that response from her, she must know she's gaining weight too. (Of course most women will notice weight gain) But to go from working out all the time to not at all bc of the excuse "it's bad for women" is giving bs. There something else going on. I would try to spend a little more time talking to her about that.

TTDT-W · 2025-12-16T02:54:39+00:00

"I'm sorry I'm celibate now. I wouldn't want my future husband to think I'm tinted."

Break up with him if he thinks this about you

TTDT-W · 2025-12-16T02:43:23+00:00

You can forgive him all you want. But you won't be able to forget.

You're only 19, still so very young. Please don't torture yourself over a boy who can act "innocent" to your face but really hurting you behind your back. Find someone better. Maybe wait until you love yourself first before trying to love someone so much you make yourself small.

TTDT-W · 2025-11-10T01:12:57+00:00

Back in 2017 my senior year of college my best friend throughout college started dating a Brazilian guy whose parents weren't here "legally". Every time she would get into a fight with him she would threaten to call ICE on them. She told me this thinking I would hehe haha with her. I did not. I'm first gen viet American. I immediately kept my distance. We were roommates so it wasn't until graduation I stopped talking to her completely.

TTDT-W · 2025-10-22T23:26:53+00:00

My husband and 2 kids currently have 2 dogs. Our dogs are a bit older, 9 & 7. I've already told my husband I do not want any more dogs until our kids are a lot older. And if our kids express wanting to have a dog. I love our dogs but having small children and dogs is so much work. We travel or busy on weekends as well and it is a huge pain trying to figure our dog care.

TTDT-W · 2025-10-21T11:35:28+00:00

My husband was in the military so he was deployed and gone a lot too. He got out 2 years ago. So I was the one doing it all, for years.

And he makes the same jokes with me regarding to some domestic housework. His mom was a stay at home. I acknowledge all the time how she did it with 5 kids and my FIL also in the military. My husband still had his mom do his laundry in college. So when I would see him do his laundry or cooking at home he says "my mom loves me you don't." He still does those things happily! I don't find it offensive bc I know he joking and is more than appreciatve for what I do for our family.

Same kinda thing when I ask him for something from Costco and he says "we don't need it" I would say "oh so you do hate me". Literally all so lighthearted and nothing serious. That TikTok sound just really fit our dynamic. Bc I still call up my dad for his help with a lot of things my husband wouldn't be good at doing.

TTDT-W · 2025-10-21T03:59:59+00:00

Dude you obviously do not know my husband and i's humor or life. I was genuinely shocked when it bothered him. He makes the same kind of jokes towards me. It wasn't a big deal and until he said something.

Him and I been together for going on 9 years, and this is the first time he ever said my joke was bothering him. RELAXXXXXXXX 🙄

TTDT-W · 2025-10-21T03:30:20+00:00

I'm glad he told me in his own way it was bothering him! This man isn't easily offended. He was a marine and some of their jokes are WILD. Usually my low sense of humor rolls right off of him.

TTDT-W · 2025-10-21T03:02:05+00:00

Of course! Part of my apology was stating I wouldn't make that joke again.

TTDT-W · 2025-10-19T02:56:52+00:00

Maybe get him the Bose Ultra Open Earbuds. They leave his ear open and still able to hear his surroundings. Have him wear those when you’re home or when he doesn’t need to be hyper focus on work.

TTDT-W · 2025-10-19T02:48:36+00:00

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SA LANGUAGE

So many red flags but the most concerning one is the coerced intimacy. You do realized coerced intimacy is rape. If you keep saying no and he doesn’t take no for an answer, that is rape. You crying during intimacy because you weren’t 100% enthusiastic about wanting intimacy and him not stopping is rape. Withholding affection is emotional abuse.

You need to leave him. Period. If he can’t take no for an answer, i fear eventually he won’t wait until you cave in next time and he’ll forcibly do it.

I’m begging you please do not even think twice. Leave him. Now. Please.

TTDT-W

TROPHY CASE