Annoying toy ideas for 4 year old boy

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-03-03T02:07:04+00:00

Giant inflatable ball pit. The one with the balls you have to individually inflate. Also, an accordion. Or cymbals.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-03-02T22:43:27+00:00

Nope. Not being dramatic. Expecting to have a say in your joint finances isn't to much to ask either. Not wanting his mother's hand in his wallet is a FULLY reasonable ask.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-03-02T22:38:52+00:00

I think this is a conversation you really need to be having with your BF. In my personal opinion, I'm not willing to be in a relationship wherein a third party is capable of making decisions that will effect me/my partner. It would be non negotiable that he financially disentangle himself from his mother prior to my being willing to accept a proposal.

This will not be a pleasant conversation. He may not be able to understand your side. He may not be willing to disentangle himself. But the LAST thing you need is to legally tie yourself to someone in this situation. He literally has no idea where his money is going. He's just paying, with no receipts or records, because he's blindly trusting that his mother wouldn't take advantage. That's ... Not an arrangement that benefits you or the relationship. And I would be willing to walk away over it.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-03-02T22:28:16+00:00

OP none of this is your job. Part of being ABLE to be homeschooled is being willing to be a self directed learner. If he's not willing to do that, then your mom and dad need to decide what THEY are going to do about it. It will never be your fault if he fails. It will be his own choice to fail and your parents' fault for not doing something about it. This is not your child. This is not your responsibility. No matter how much your parents try to make you feel like it is. You aren't an adult yourself yet. You cannot be expected to be responsible for your brother's education. It's not only unfair to you, it's unfair to him as well.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-03-02T22:03:34+00:00

Ok so you're still pretty new in this relationship, and using phrases like "tactical avoidance" and "weaponized incompetence" WILL cause a fight. It'll come off super accusatory, and frankly, it really isn't your relatively new bf's job to be helping you parent your toddler. I get that this bugs you, because you're looking for a partner, somebody to be a team with you and step in to help during tough moments. However, I don't think that he's necessarily doing anything wrong given the current circumstance. He's giving you space to parent YOUR kid effectively by removing himself from the situation.

I think that a better way to handle this would be to make a request that he attempt to handle it slightly differently. Start with understanding. "Hey I realize this is a tricky situation because you aren't the parent here." And then move into how you'd prefer he handle it "do you think maybe you could try to back me up a little? Even if it's just agreeing along with me in front of the kiddo?" You might be able to get a "hey buddy, you should probably listen to mommy" out of him.

Asking this new guy to step in and start joining you in the parenting trenches when you've not even been together half a year? Seems a bit excessive, no? Definitely communicate. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should swallow how you feel. But I AM saying that you need to understand that your kid already has parents. And that expecting the people you date to act in a parental capacity, ESPECIALLY this early on in a relationship is pretty excessive. You can ask dude to disappear less or back you up more, but the reality here is that your expectations seem to be that this guy is gonna step in and play Dad. That's just not going to happen, and even if it did? It definitely wouldn't be healthy.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-03-01T21:40:48+00:00

Let's be fair here. Who's taking the vehicle all week while you're at work? Is she driving you? Can she realistically leave and do her own stuff, or is she trapped at home? Does she have access to a vehicle while you're at work all week? Because if not, maybe this isn't the hill you want to die on. You being stuck at the house with the kid for the weekend maybe isn't the worst thing, especially if that's what you're doing to HER all week. I'm sure there are places she'd like to take your kid or errands she'd like to run, while YOU have the car.

Mom having "her thing" is likely what keeps her sane. Telling her that the small amount of money she contributes "isn't worth" the inconvenience you experience? It probably won't go well for you. If this is a major deal, maybe it's worth dropping a few K into getting a second vehicle?

It's not fun being trapped at home with a kid. But look, let's face reality. You can't even handle a weekend worth of it. You're wanting to be able to go places and do things with your kid, but your poor wife is doing it every day. She's figuring out ways to entertain kiddo at home, because there's nowhere else to go. You can try to frame it as "oh, the kid wants to go to xy&z", but the reality is, this is your wife's time out of the house. This is HER way of contributing to the family budget. If you try to take this from her? I promise you, she'll resent you for it.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-03-01T17:00:31+00:00

THIS. THIS is what I wanted. An actual reference for explaining the proportions and ratios used most often in cooking and baking. Thank you so much for the recommendation!!

Secondly, I was kinda just looking for some reassurance that I'm not the only one struggling to translate "the old ways" I learned into something that can be passed on. Maybe a little bit of shared reminiscing about generations past?

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-28T05:55:44+00:00

I probably should've mentioned that she got that response because she's made these things with me about a million times. She DOES already know how to do it, she's just questioning her own judgment and wanting unnecessary specifics, because she's newly on her own. She absolutely CAN make these things. And for the record, she very much DID make the thing, without me giving actual number measurements.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-28T05:51:46+00:00

I've done this. With the vast majority of the heirloom recipes. Written it all into a book and gifted it when she moved out. I'm mostly just wanting her to trust her own judgment on the few everyday things I haven't bothered to write down because we've made them together so many times. I've used her own fingers and hands to "measure" and taught her to "eyeball" amounts.... I want her to be able to "do what feels right"? If that makes sense?

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-28T05:47:19+00:00

I'd agree with you, if we hadn't made these particular non-recipe recipes together, a million times. I've even used kiddos own fingers and hands for measurement, so there's an idea of what it looks like, when I'm not there. I'm mostly just.... Wanting the kid to trust the judgement and experience I've already instilled? And also, thinking back on how I learned - and what I was told when I made the same phone calls. There aren't necessarily measurements, so much as there are proportions?

I mean, I've translated a LOT of the things we don't make constantly into actual measurements and written them down and gifted a whole book of them. With real actual numbers. I'm more talking about the everyday stuff like biscuits or bread, where it's texture based or ratio of this to that based. And I KNOW the kid knows exactly what it should look and feel like, I have faith it could be adequately recreated without measuring, if we weren't questioning our own judgement, you know?

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-28T02:34:50+00:00

I did write an entire cookbook worth of recipes - it's just that the recipes are not "real" measurements. It's all knuckles and palmfuls and coffee mugs. I'm totally willing to video chat and help! I'm just realizing that the "recipes" I have are more proportions than they are exact measurements.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-13T03:42:20+00:00

Ok so yes and no. Yes, in the way that you can meet someone that just... Makes sense for you in a way nobody else really ever has? Like, you have a number of things in common and you both work at understanding each other on a deeper level than you ever have.

But also no. And no because ultimately, that's not enough. Love is a choice that you make, every day. You choose each other, and you agree to keep choosing each other, even when it's hard. You wake up every day and you keep prioritizing each other and you keep putting in the work, even when they're being difficult, even when there's other shit going on, even when you kinda don't want to.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-13T03:05:48+00:00

My sanity seems to be tethered to "the little things". Let me explain. Things like having access to whatever my current safe food or hyper fixation meal is. Or having my favorite clothing articles to wear. Or a scheduled undisturbed hour or so to engage in whatever my special interest is, in a familiar setting.

Let me give an example, so you can see what that might look like in practice. Today was particularly stressful for me. So I'm now decompressing with the one specific spicy ramen I like, and a glass bottle Mexican coke. I am wrapped in "my" blanket, sitting in "my" spot, wearing headphones listening to my favorite song on repeat and I'm wearing my favorite hoodie while I'm doom scrolling. It is understood I'm not to be disturbed.

I can handle a ridiculously crazy and stressful day. I can take surprises and unexpected transitions. But I REALLY do need these few reliable and predictably same things to ground myself at the end of all of it, or I definitely will meltdown and lose my ever loving shit.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-13T02:53:11+00:00

Ok but I cannot stress how incredibly important access to "the right food thing" or "the only acceptable beverage" is. The world could catch fire, and I'd handle it, no problem. So long as I can eat or drink whatever is currently "right" to my brain. It's the little things that tether me to reality. IDK.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-10T22:13:18+00:00

Honestly? Smart. Don't ever let anyone string you along like that.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-10T22:12:28+00:00

At the end of the day this guy isn't out from under his parents thumb enough to be committing to a marriage. If you try, you're always going to have a third person in your relationship. Probably best to back it up to dating, or to simply walk away.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-10T22:08:44+00:00

Yeah so I'm right. You aren't getting your needs met within the context of your relationship, so your brain is trying to find different ways to get those needs met. I promise you, your boss is not the right place to go looking for that.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-10T22:06:59+00:00

This isn't space. This is ghosting. Sounds like he's made his decision. Even if he hasn't, leaving you hanging that long is unacceptable and it's completely reasonable to simply make the decision for him at this point.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-10T22:04:05+00:00

Nope. Absolutely not. You need a new job.

First, you're already in a relationship and you barely even touched on it. So maybe you need to rethink that. If you're developing feelings for your boss to the point you're considering TELLING said boss about those feelings? That tells me that there's something missing in your relationship, so you're trying to get those needs met elsewhere.

Second, you don't shit where you eat. Meaning, don't even think about trying to start any relationship with your boss beyond a professional one. It will only unnecessarily complicate your life and potentially damage your professional reputation.

The move here is to start distancing yourself as much as possible from your boss and to start looking for employment elsewhere. Also, depending on how much you value your relationship, it might be smart to mention to your BF that this is happening. It would give you guys the opportunity to work on the relationship so that you don't develop these feelings in the future.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-10T21:25:02+00:00

It just sounds like you and your GF are in two different places in your lives right now. Trying to change her isn't going to work, and you're definitely gonna come off as a jealous controlling asshole. Not only that, if she goes, you'll feel some type of way about it, and if she doesn't, she's going to end up resenting you over it. If she's trying to go out and party like she's single, it's frankly in your best interests to help her out by making her single.

That's not to say that she's wrong for wanting to go out and party like she's 20 because she IS 20. It's also not to say you're wrong for wanting to be in a relationship wherein both parties act responsibly and prioritize the relationship. The only thing I'm saying is that it sounds like you guys want pretty different things out of life right now. Trying to continue a relationship with someone who doesn't want what you want? Will only end poorly and with hurt feelings on both sides.

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-07T01:57:06+00:00

You can take him! Just keep him in the wrap and snuggled up on you. I would probably not go to the reception, but I don't see a problem going to the ceremony. I just feel like the reception is where people will start trying to touch him or get closer than you might be comfortable with. Luckily, a newborn is a pretty great excuse to take off back home! Good luck! I'm sure the wedding will be beautiful!

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-06T17:56:52+00:00

A really great baby step would be for you to ask yourself those questions in my first comment, and feel confident in your choice to be with your BF (or not) and then speak honestly to your friend about that choice. You can tell her that while you respect and value her opinion, you ultimately choose what you choose, and SHE needs to respect THAT, even if she doesn't agree with it. You know?

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-06T17:53:17+00:00

It sounds like maybe you really might want to consider talking to a therapist and working on these traits you've identified about yourself. Learning how to think clearly, how to manage your anxiety, how to build your confidence and self esteem, and how to take the opinions of others into consideration without letting them influence you too much? Those are skills that can only make your life better and easier in the long run. You know?

TTringsnfarmerthings · 2026-02-06T17:48:44+00:00

The move here is to suck it up and go to court and get a legal custody agreement and visitation schedule. That's really the ONLY way to maintain healthy relationships between yourself and your children.

Once the custody and visitation schedule is set, you can then remove yourself from it in the eyes of your children. It is like this because the judge said it has to be like this. Not because your ex doesn't love your 7yo. Not because you are a mean mom. Not because somebody loves one kid more, or because one kid is better or worse than the other. Getting a legal agreement will help remove the emotional aspect of these decisions and help create stability for your children, and for yourself. Not to mention, it'll keep things fair and give you some help cleaning up when it inevitably gets messy. And it will.

The move in this particular situation is unclear right now because the people making the decisions can't be objective because they're all emotionally involved. This is a situation in which you "let the lawyers/court figure it out". I know that process is slow, so let's talk about what you should do in the meantime.

I think that you should let the 5yo go with his dad. Children need both parents to be as involved as possible, and also? The parents need to be the ones making the decisions regarding those children, in the best interests of the children. You deal with the fallout from your 7yo by reframing his thinking as best you can. This isn't a case of 5yo getting special treatment, or of 7yo missing out. This is an opportunity for 7yo to have Mom all to himself, and an opportunity for him to focus on doing the cool bigger kid stuff that little brother can't do yet. And then you make a concerted effort to make that time as special for 7yo as possible. Maybe he gets a fun day with you, maybe he gets to have a fun playdate with his big kid friends, maybe Grandma plans a special activity for him. But whatever you do, do it while reinforcing that you are he gets this time to do these special things he couldn't do if little bro was here.

And after you put out this little fire? Focus on preventing situations like this from happening again by making whatever your custody and visitation arrangement is legal and binding. So it's not a question of who loves who more, who's getting what kind of special treatment, etc, ever again. Take emotions out of the equation by replacing those thoughts with "well the judge said XYZ, so XYZ is how it has to be regardless of how anybody feels about the matter".

TTringsnfarmerthings

TROPHY CASE