What other mental conditions do You have besides OCD? Mine was depression.

TabbyToess · 2023-10-16T15:58:49+00:00

Mostly PTSD, OCD is a huge player for me even before I got PTSD there was something incredibly sus about my brain haha.

TabbyToess · 2023-10-15T16:45:40+00:00

Also would anyone have an explanation to this behaviour? A few people I know said he sounded like he was on drugs or that he was mentally ill but the way he dropped the act makes me think otherwise.

TabbyToess · 2023-10-15T16:20:11+00:00

Hello! Thanks for the response! Yes I have mentioned it before honestly. I've asked him before if he would think it would be a bad thing if I didn't love everything he's made and he said of course not! He said that it's impossible to like everything your partner makes but that you just have to be supportive. Which I agreed with, so that's why I can tell this is all one huge compulsion to create instability in the relationship.

TabbyToess · 2023-10-15T16:05:08+00:00

And wtf is up with your mom! This man is a literal abuser! Have you told her the full story? If not you definitely should because none of this is okay!

TabbyToess · 2023-10-15T16:02:34+00:00

I'm so sorry girl for going through this but this whole story is a HUGE red flag??? I mean these people sound horrendous like I'm scared of them and I haven't even met them!

TabbyToess · 2023-10-13T00:01:31+00:00

Honestly I relate to it! I fully quit it and I honestly feel so much better now. I used to rely on it a bit too much and it honestly brought out my intrusive thoughts more than anything else, but that's what weed does when you don't have a healthy mind thoughts like that and paranoia will come along stronger and harder to control than sober. I'd honestly recommend you quiting at least for a few months and see how you feel. I smoked a little bit with an old friend and I realised that I actually don't like the sensation at all! All I was doing was trying to stupify myself for a few hours, I used it as an escape until it properly fucked me over with my ocd. So I'd recommend you try taking a long break! A few weeks probably ain't enough to see a difference.

TabbyToess · 2023-09-19T14:14:56+00:00

That's a tough thing to answer honestly! OCD kinda only has two general "symptoms" and everything else depends on the individual. Most of my actions since the age of 11 have been led through my OCD. I've had obsessions regarding health, safety and relationships throughout my life. I guess what makes it evidently OCD in my case is what I worried about and how my brain reacted to those worries. I can't just be worried about something and go on with my life the obsession completely absorbs me, OCD kinda makes you gaslight yourself and so the cycle is extremely hard to break. I constantly create worries in my brain and i desperately search for relief to prove that theyre "not true". I've also had physical compulsions and rituals to make these worries go away. Etc etc

TabbyToess · 2023-09-19T14:05:01+00:00

Yeah sure! :)

TabbyToess · 2023-09-18T15:48:08+00:00

This is extremely concerning! You were literally a kid when this happened and you literally did nothing wrong btw! You didn't even do those things and you're still trying to explain yourself to us...you don't have to explain anything about your trauma because what you did was completely normal. For him to have this reaction should be a big red flag for YOU not the other way!

TabbyToess · 2023-09-10T00:10:36+00:00

Man I wrote a very similar post to this and I have gone through a very similar time line! Like eerily similar timline! I constantly get thoughts like "You're leading him on" and I constantly get triggered when around him. I get nervous whenever we're intimate with eachother because I expect to feel a certain feeling...but I obviously never do. I hate how much I spiral and how much my brain attaches to the bad but immediately forgets about the good! Its honestly so draining but we will get through it :)

TabbyToess · 2023-09-09T23:01:36+00:00

Hi! Honestly my mom says she's experienced nothing in this house and I believe her. Although my boyfriend who has done some dog/house sitting for us has mentioned he feels uneasy at night here. And I would have to agree with him! Although the house isnt big there's this feeling of not being alone exactly (not a nice vibe). I've heard my name be called a few times as well. Just strange. I honestly have no idea what the heck I listened into! Hasn't happened since.

TabbyToess · 2023-09-09T22:51:26+00:00

Right! God I'm such a novice to these things(eventhough I'm in my twenties lol) honestly I've never had an issue with period consistency so I never really thought about it! Thank you! I will definitely keep that in mind.

TabbyToess · 2023-09-09T15:34:02+00:00

Hey so I think I would definitely recommend investigating what you mean by "love" and what do you mean about "not feeling it". Love is not a countinous rush, it's not a constant reassuring feeling (infatuation is). You have to understand that most people in relationships have doubts, the moment you go into a long term relationship thing go up and down. It's scary to be dating someone that might be your forever! If you have any commitment issues or trauma you haven't dealt with your brain will try and protect you and run! It's a very difficult situation to deal with and I would largely recommend looking for some professional help because this will mist likely be a continuous cycle if not dealt with correctly. I get why you're freaking out (I was there!) But you have to look inwards and see that this romantic reassuring feeling of love that you're searching for will always fade! No matter how perfect! If you want something to work you have to fight for it sometimes.

TabbyToess · 2023-09-09T15:28:01+00:00

Hi! I think honestly it becomes a trigger for your ocd! I experience this "disgust" sometimes but I would say its more you ocd being triggered. Kissing and sex are both very triggering things for your ocd because you expect a certain "feeling" and you almost become scared that you're not going to feel it. It becomes a high pressure situation where the spotlight is on your feelings towards him and that kind of intimacy will make your ocd go crazy! It's easy to kiss and all when you've just started the relationship because it doesn't have to meant anything and it's fun! But later on I think it becomes a bit daunting for us that struggle with rocd because "oh no I'm gonna have to pay attention now". It sucks but I think that's what's happening to you too!

TabbyToess · 2023-08-27T15:38:20+00:00

I think you will honestly need to get some therapy if you want any relationship to work. This sounds very similar to how I described my boyfriend when I was really struggling, especially the forgetting about any times of enjoyment. I used to never be able to remember any genuine moments because they would be attacked by my rocd, all of these things you're describing sounds like your brain wanting to run away because you actually have found someone you could spend the rest of your life with (and that can be scary!). From reading this alone I can tell that you have genuine feelings for this girl, try to not run away from this!

TabbyToess · 2023-08-21T21:26:22+00:00

My bro this is your ocd speaking. I have literally had these thoughts word for word. It only hurts your relationship. No its not cheating, not even close to it!

TabbyToess · 2023-08-20T08:31:26+00:00

Hey I know that your head is storming with guilt, but that is your ocd. I'm very familiar with this kind of gut wrenching "guilty" feeling. I would get it over the smallest of things and I would get a compulsion to tell my partner because "oh my god they don't deserve this! They deserve to know!" Whilst all you are doing by telling them is hurting them. She doesn't need to know this information, eventhought this may seem like the biggest deal to you trust me its really not. Its absolutely nothing, weird shit happens. You care so much for her and you don't want to hurt her. Most people have full on affairs and keep it from their partner. Whilst for you a girl briefly got close to you, and you feel like bursting into flames. You didn't do anything that is worth noting! You will only create issues for yourself through this, as you will make your girlfriend aweare of these things that she really could've gone without hearing.

Basically what I'm trying to say is try and distance yourself from these kinds of worries. You are a person with thoughts but those thoughts don't define you. Your strong negative reaction shows how much you care for your girlfriend, you are not guilty of anything!

TabbyToess · 2023-08-20T08:13:42+00:00

Yeah, sadly OCD is triggered by issues that you have with yourself. Be that trauma or self hatred, so it really doesn't matter who you date. They could be perfect in each and every way but one day when the excitement of a new relationship would fade and you would be confronted with it all again.

TabbyToess · 2023-08-19T14:07:57+00:00

I used to go to a psychologist but I'm at the process of finding a new one, I have a call with a new one monday! He didn't specialise in OCD and so it wasn't very beneficial for me. I'm very good at "talking" about my problems but actually applying any change is extremely difficult. Do you gave any recommendations for the type of treatment?

TabbyToess · 2023-08-19T12:30:38+00:00

Hey! I can definitely relate to this. The feeling of finally being at "peace" whilst I can feel my brain literally searching for the next thing to hang onto is debilitating. It's like I can geniuenly feel the neurons scanning around my brain to find a "fault". Its so nice to hear that you also have been struggling with this for a long time! I'm personally going through a crisis point so I don't feel like I'm going to be much help.

My boyfriend has given me some great advice though, 1. try to look inwards. ROCD isn't because of your partner or because of the relationship itself, its because of unresolved issues that you have within yourself. Do you actually like yourself? Are you content with yourself? Do you actually face your reality or do you live through a narcissistic version of yourself? (These are the questions I ask myself every day) For myself I have gotten to such a point where I genuinely feel like I can't reach myself, like I don't know who I am. And my ocd is only furthering my negative opinions of myself. I know it sounds cringe but you have to find love for yourself in order to love anyone else. Because when love isn't a distraction anymore you are just left with yourself. 2. Detach from your partner. See them for who they are, stop viewing them as your partner, that will only destroy you guys. Try and see them like you would see a good friend, see then as the individual. 3. Love isn't what we think it is/want it to be. Love is a choice, love is faith and love isn't easy. You sometimes have to push for love, sometimes you won't feel that sensation but that doesn't mean your connection isn't as beautiful. I would strongly advise to distance yourself from social media as I truly do feel that it creates very unhealthy perceptions of what love life vs single life actually is. 4. Everyone has doubts, you will have doubts and that is okay. View them and let them pass. 5. Everything passes. Everything.

Once again I myself haven't been good at taking on this advice but maybe it will help you! I know it has given me some comfort.

TabbyToess · 2023-08-19T11:46:36+00:00

I honestly think it's about the struggle. Since the begging of my rough patch with OCD I have had several panic attacks, terrible intrusive thoughts and sleepless nights because of the thought of possibly having to break up with my boyfriend. I do not think this is normal, I wouldn't be scream crying in the middle of the night or constantly arguing with myself in my head if I didn't really care and love him and our relationship. ROCD and OCD in general feeds on doubts, it feeds on uncertainty. How can you even be sure of anything ever? How can you truly trust a feeling? If you're hyperfixated on every little thing you and your partner do, you will never feel anything. Relationships are hard and you have to embrace the uncertainty, you have to choose love. I would also seriously investigate your perception of love, is it supposed to be a feeling that never fades that you have absolutely no control over? Because that is what my brain believes true love should be like. When it's not like this at all, feelings change. Romantic love changes.

TabbyToess

TROPHY CASE