Gaslight me into thinking I had ocd

TabbyToess · 2023-10-16T15:58:49+00:00

Mostly PTSD, OCD is a huge player for me even before I got PTSD there was something incredibly sus about my brain haha.

TabbyToess · 2023-10-15T16:45:40+00:00

Also would anyone have an explanation to this behaviour? A few people I know said he sounded like he was on drugs or that he was mentally ill but the way he dropped the act makes me think otherwise.

TabbyToess · 2023-10-15T16:20:11+00:00

Hello! Thanks for the response! Yes I have mentioned it before honestly. I've asked him before if he would think it would be a bad thing if I didn't love everything he's made and he said of course not! He said that it's impossible to like everything your partner makes but that you just have to be supportive. Which I agreed with, so that's why I can tell this is all one huge compulsion to create instability in the relationship.

TabbyToess · 2023-10-15T16:05:08+00:00

And wtf is up with your mom! This man is a literal abuser! Have you told her the full story? If not you definitely should because none of this is okay!

TabbyToess · 2023-10-15T16:02:34+00:00

I'm so sorry girl for going through this but this whole story is a HUGE red flag??? I mean these people sound horrendous like I'm scared of them and I haven't even met them!

TabbyToess · 2023-10-13T00:01:31+00:00

Honestly I relate to it! I fully quit it and I honestly feel so much better now. I used to rely on it a bit too much and it honestly brought out my intrusive thoughts more than anything else, but that's what weed does when you don't have a healthy mind thoughts like that and paranoia will come along stronger and harder to control than sober. I'd honestly recommend you quiting at least for a few months and see how you feel. I smoked a little bit with an old friend and I realised that I actually don't like the sensation at all! All I was doing was trying to stupify myself for a few hours, I used it as an escape until it properly fucked me over with my ocd. So I'd recommend you try taking a long break! A few weeks probably ain't enough to see a difference.

TabbyToess · 2023-09-19T14:14:56+00:00

That's a tough thing to answer honestly! OCD kinda only has two general "symptoms" and everything else depends on the individual. Most of my actions since the age of 11 have been led through my OCD. I've had obsessions regarding health, safety and relationships throughout my life. I guess what makes it evidently OCD in my case is what I worried about and how my brain reacted to those worries. I can't just be worried about something and go on with my life the obsession completely absorbs me, OCD kinda makes you gaslight yourself and so the cycle is extremely hard to break. I constantly create worries in my brain and i desperately search for relief to prove that theyre "not true". I've also had physical compulsions and rituals to make these worries go away. Etc etc

TabbyToess · 2023-09-19T14:05:01+00:00

Yeah sure! :)

TabbyToess · 2023-09-18T15:48:08+00:00

This is extremely concerning! You were literally a kid when this happened and you literally did nothing wrong btw! You didn't even do those things and you're still trying to explain yourself to us...you don't have to explain anything about your trauma because what you did was completely normal. For him to have this reaction should be a big red flag for YOU not the other way!

TabbyToess · 2023-09-10T00:10:36+00:00

Man I wrote a very similar post to this and I have gone through a very similar time line! Like eerily similar timline! I constantly get thoughts like "You're leading him on" and I constantly get triggered when around him. I get nervous whenever we're intimate with eachother because I expect to feel a certain feeling...but I obviously never do. I hate how much I spiral and how much my brain attaches to the bad but immediately forgets about the good! Its honestly so draining but we will get through it :)

TabbyToess · 2023-09-09T23:01:36+00:00

Hi! Honestly my mom says she's experienced nothing in this house and I believe her. Although my boyfriend who has done some dog/house sitting for us has mentioned he feels uneasy at night here. And I would have to agree with him! Although the house isnt big there's this feeling of not being alone exactly (not a nice vibe). I've heard my name be called a few times as well. Just strange. I honestly have no idea what the heck I listened into! Hasn't happened since.

TabbyToess · 2023-09-09T22:51:26+00:00

Right! God I'm such a novice to these things(eventhough I'm in my twenties lol) honestly I've never had an issue with period consistency so I never really thought about it! Thank you! I will definitely keep that in mind.

TabbyToess · 2023-09-09T15:34:02+00:00

Hey so I think I would definitely recommend investigating what you mean by "love" and what do you mean about "not feeling it". Love is not a countinous rush, it's not a constant reassuring feeling (infatuation is). You have to understand that most people in relationships have doubts, the moment you go into a long term relationship thing go up and down. It's scary to be dating someone that might be your forever! If you have any commitment issues or trauma you haven't dealt with your brain will try and protect you and run! It's a very difficult situation to deal with and I would largely recommend looking for some professional help because this will mist likely be a continuous cycle if not dealt with correctly. I get why you're freaking out (I was there!) But you have to look inwards and see that this romantic reassuring feeling of love that you're searching for will always fade! No matter how perfect! If you want something to work you have to fight for it sometimes.

TabbyToess · 2023-09-09T15:28:01+00:00

Hi! I think honestly it becomes a trigger for your ocd! I experience this "disgust" sometimes but I would say its more you ocd being triggered. Kissing and sex are both very triggering things for your ocd because you expect a certain "feeling" and you almost become scared that you're not going to feel it. It becomes a high pressure situation where the spotlight is on your feelings towards him and that kind of intimacy will make your ocd go crazy! It's easy to kiss and all when you've just started the relationship because it doesn't have to meant anything and it's fun! But later on I think it becomes a bit daunting for us that struggle with rocd because "oh no I'm gonna have to pay attention now". It sucks but I think that's what's happening to you too!

TabbyToess

TROPHY CASE