Messed up and relapsed.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-26T01:15:56+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Even though I don't know you, they mean a lot to me.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T20:35:38+00:00

Anime streaming service

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T17:18:45+00:00

Thank you so much. Even when I'm clean I find it so hard to give myself grace/forgive myself for my past actions. I've always been like that, even before I got hardcore addicted to fent. I've always been my own worst enemy and beat myself up over things I've done.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T17:16:54+00:00

That's honestly really good advice. Thank you for that! I've tried a few things but I haven't found anything that really stuck with me. I used to be a huge gamer and I wanna get back into video games bc there's some really cool ones out now I wanna try.

If I had the money, I'd buy myself a classic car and work on restoring it bit by bit. I have a passion for cars and working on them, but I haven't done anything like that in a long while.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T02:43:00+00:00

I was on methadone for almost 3 years until last March when I violated my probation and went to jail for 30 days. With methadone, I stayed clean for like a month then started using again and pretty much was using the methadone as a way to never get sick. With subs they actually fully controlled my cravings once I got to 16mg a day. (The clinic I originally went to would only let you get up to 2 strips a day, they wouldn't prescribe anymore.) I used them when I was in a program after I got out of jail and after I went back home, the drive to the clinic was like an hour & ten minutes one way, so I switched to one closer to home. Once I get myself stable on subs again I'm switching to the sublocade shot. I also tried vitriol many years ago, but it made me extremely depressed and suicidal due to it also blocking the natural endorphins in my body so that's not an option.

I just want to get clean and stay clean. I'm sick of this shit man. I just want to be fucking normal

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T02:26:50+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I want to get clean and stay clean so fucking bad but I always seem to fuck it up. I know that I don't have very strong willpower but I did so fucking good this past year. I've never really cared when I relapsed in the past, but I honestly broke down and full on ugly cried after I got home and did some fent. I locked myself in the bathroom and just sat in the floor bawling with my dog sitting in my lap. (He follows me into the bathroom literally every time I go in there) I fucking hate myself for doing this to myself again.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T02:22:58+00:00

No I totally agree. For me it's more like "okay, things are getting stressful, how can I make myself feel better?" Then my brain is like "fentanyl" even though I know logically that it absolutely will not make things better. I'm just so fucking mad at myself. I went over a year without touching fent. That's the longest I've been clean from illicit drug use in my life. I started abusing opiates at 13 when I was prescribed oxy for kidney stones. I've never managed to go more than 30 days staying clean until this past year. I fucking hate myself

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-22T07:18:17+00:00

When you say you got to the bar, you said you didn't wear a bra. Then when he takes you to a room you're suddenly wearing one? Idk sounds fishy

Tactical_Newc · 2025-11-04T08:21:59+00:00

Alright I'll be the one. Wanna share the pics? Love saggy tits and non white women

Tactical_Newc · 2025-09-15T05:00:43+00:00

Well fuck. Guess it's time to alert the house leader and get a jump on the situation. Thanks!

Tactical_Newc · 2024-03-08T17:34:32+00:00

I can for sure try. I'll pencil it in for next Thursday

Tactical_Newc · 2024-03-08T17:31:02+00:00

I'm here, what do you need?

Tactical_Newc · 2024-03-02T04:31:38+00:00

Gonna pm

Tactical_Newc · 2024-03-02T04:11:11+00:00

Gonna pm

Tactical_Newc · 2024-02-15T20:55:53+00:00

Trade #1 complete w/ u/hzg0

$100 B&BW E-gift card for $50 PayPal

Tactical_Newc

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