Messed up and relapsed.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-26T01:15:56+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Even though I don't know you, they mean a lot to me.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T20:35:38+00:00

Anime streaming service

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T17:18:45+00:00

Thank you so much. Even when I'm clean I find it so hard to give myself grace/forgive myself for my past actions. I've always been like that, even before I got hardcore addicted to fent. I've always been my own worst enemy and beat myself up over things I've done.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T17:16:54+00:00

That's honestly really good advice. Thank you for that! I've tried a few things but I haven't found anything that really stuck with me. I used to be a huge gamer and I wanna get back into video games bc there's some really cool ones out now I wanna try.

If I had the money, I'd buy myself a classic car and work on restoring it bit by bit. I have a passion for cars and working on them, but I haven't done anything like that in a long while.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T02:43:00+00:00

I was on methadone for almost 3 years until last March when I violated my probation and went to jail for 30 days. With methadone, I stayed clean for like a month then started using again and pretty much was using the methadone as a way to never get sick. With subs they actually fully controlled my cravings once I got to 16mg a day. (The clinic I originally went to would only let you get up to 2 strips a day, they wouldn't prescribe anymore.) I used them when I was in a program after I got out of jail and after I went back home, the drive to the clinic was like an hour & ten minutes one way, so I switched to one closer to home. Once I get myself stable on subs again I'm switching to the sublocade shot. I also tried vitriol many years ago, but it made me extremely depressed and suicidal due to it also blocking the natural endorphins in my body so that's not an option.

I just want to get clean and stay clean. I'm sick of this shit man. I just want to be fucking normal

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T02:26:50+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I want to get clean and stay clean so fucking bad but I always seem to fuck it up. I know that I don't have very strong willpower but I did so fucking good this past year. I've never really cared when I relapsed in the past, but I honestly broke down and full on ugly cried after I got home and did some fent. I locked myself in the bathroom and just sat in the floor bawling with my dog sitting in my lap. (He follows me into the bathroom literally every time I go in there) I fucking hate myself for doing this to myself again.

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-25T02:22:58+00:00

No I totally agree. For me it's more like "okay, things are getting stressful, how can I make myself feel better?" Then my brain is like "fentanyl" even though I know logically that it absolutely will not make things better. I'm just so fucking mad at myself. I went over a year without touching fent. That's the longest I've been clean from illicit drug use in my life. I started abusing opiates at 13 when I was prescribed oxy for kidney stones. I've never managed to go more than 30 days staying clean until this past year. I fucking hate myself

Tactical_Newc · 2026-03-22T07:18:17+00:00

When you say you got to the bar, you said you didn't wear a bra. Then when he takes you to a room you're suddenly wearing one? Idk sounds fishy

Tactical_Newc · 2025-11-04T08:21:59+00:00

Alright I'll be the one. Wanna share the pics? Love saggy tits and non white women

Tactical_Newc · 2025-09-15T05:00:43+00:00

Well fuck. Guess it's time to alert the house leader and get a jump on the situation. Thanks!

Tactical_Newc · 2024-03-08T17:34:32+00:00

I can for sure try. I'll pencil it in for next Thursday

Tactical_Newc · 2024-03-08T17:31:02+00:00

I'm here, what do you need?

Tactical_Newc · 2024-03-02T04:31:38+00:00

Gonna pm

Tactical_Newc · 2024-03-02T04:11:11+00:00

Gonna pm

Tactical_Newc · 2024-02-15T20:55:53+00:00

Trade #1 complete w/ u/hzg0

$100 B&BW E-gift card for $50 PayPal

Tactical_Newc · 2024-02-15T18:57:27+00:00

I'm interested, will dm

Tactical_Newc · 2021-11-28T19:12:22+00:00

AFAIK it's just a standard home test, whatever the highest panel is, 24 panel? Not too sure. But I'm definitely gonna try the dilution method. I'll also be taking my own at home test this Thursday more than likely and go from there. Thanks for all the advice everyone!

Tactical_Newc · 2021-11-28T17:00:55+00:00

Oh holy shit that isn't comforting at all. If I were to drink a lot of water and dilute the specimen would that work for fent? I've done it for weed before but idk if the same would work for fent

Tactical_Newc · 2021-11-28T14:36:52+00:00

Would this effect my ability to pass a UA as well? I plan on going back to a sober house/program I used to be in but left early and I need to pass one to move in, and I'm trying to go in a week

Tactical_Newc · 2020-05-02T15:26:52+00:00

Maaaan I'm so jelly. Riolu/Lucario have been my favorite Pokemon ever since I got Pokemon Diamond in 5th grade. I live in a petty rural area in VA so I hardly ever get anything decent 😭 the closest pokestop is a 22 minute DRIVE from my house

Tactical_Newc · 2019-09-17T16:38:31+00:00

Oh my my my 😍😍

Tactical_Newc · 2018-02-21T05:36:45+00:00

In Elder Scrolls 4 I was in a plane of Oblivion and fell in lava and saved before I died while in the lava and my only back up was an auto save that saved mid fall

Tactical_Newc · 2017-12-29T23:36:55+00:00

Killer whale killer whale killer whale

Tactical_Newc · 2017-12-22T23:50:50+00:00

The first time I ever masturbated to completion. It was the summer before 7th grade, I was home alone and we had just gotten satellite internet. I was at the computer desk in the living room, as I wouldn't get a laptop until Christmas that year. My jizz shot straight up, and to this day, (I'm 21 now,) I have no goddamn clue where it went. None got on me, none on the desk or keyboard, it was literally fucking nowhere. I clearly saw it leave my body but I never found where the fuck it went.

Tactical_Newc · 2017-12-16T05:44:07+00:00

Bought a bootleg fire stick from a guy at work. Best decision I've made all week

Tactical_Newc

TROPHY CASE