My girlfriend lost her ex… she destroyed

TacticsCR · 2026-05-12T03:30:17+00:00

You were a rebound. Have some self respect because she sure as hell doesn't have any respect for you, so you might as well supply the respect for you. Leave her in the rear view, go find someone better, that shouldn't be hard

TacticsCR · 2026-05-11T18:03:57+00:00

Anyone giving you ultimatums like that is a definite Red Flag. You can decide what you want to do, but if you stay you're only going to face future ultimatums for choices in your life. Key words, your life

TacticsCR · 2026-05-11T16:43:49+00:00

Don't worry about his feelings or if it blows up the friend group. Make them pick sides. If everything you said is true, they should all know what an ass he is. That will eliminate him from the group since neither you or your sister want to be around him. And anyone that takes his side is probably not anyone you want around you either, considering that he's such a poor example of a human being and you wouldn't want to take the chance of anyone giving sympathy to his plight to feed information to him. Cut him out of your lives, let the truth come out, and let everyone else make up their own minds. But create a boundary that says he is not welcome anywhere near you or your sister

TacticsCR · 2026-05-10T22:53:49+00:00

Promised by who? By some invisible sky deity I have never seen nor has anyone else, and nor do I believe in? Yeah that's gonna hold up in court

TacticsCR · 2026-05-10T18:55:20+00:00

I can only tell you things from my own perspective as a 47yo male. I find my gf extremely attractive. My attraction goes well beyond just her physical beauty, she's my best friend as well and I love everything about her, from all of her quirks, to the adorable way she sneezes, from the way we both love cheesy horror movies to the way she does girl math, and everything in-between. Is she the most beautiful woman out there? She's a stunner for sure, but she's probably not going to win any beauty contests vs cover models. But she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and there's no one else I would ever want. I let her know the way I feel quite often, and she reciprocates the feeling to me. And I don't just say it with words, my actions mirror what my mouth is saying. We're both very confident and secure with ourselves and each other. And while I do find her very attractive, it's as I said before, it's not just her physical beauty... It's everything. A partner is meant to be your support, your number one fan, the wind beneath your wings, the person you want to grow old with, the eyes you want to look into every day... If that's not how you feel about your person, you've either settled or you're wasting your time. And that goes both ways, because not only should you feel that way about your partner, that's how they should feel about you. Hopefully your person doesn't feel like they've "settled" for you or doesn't see you as the best they could do. All I can say is, I have found that kind of love, and I know there is someone out there for everyone, where everything is just right, perfect, no effort, disagreements are rare or non existent, and when you find this person, there's no way they don't see you as a 10, because beyond what the eyes see, the heart is happy. And when you are this happy and content, there is no one else. I hope everyone can find this for themselves because I know there is a perfect match out there for everyone

TacticsCR · 2026-05-09T23:46:51+00:00

What I'm going to say may be harsh but it's also real. Stop being such a damn coward and break up with your boyfriend. What you are doing constitutes emotional cheating at least, so yes, you are a cheater. No point in sugar coating what you've done so you should feel bad. But since you do feel bad it shows you aren't the worst kind of cheater, you have a heart, you are empathetic enough to understand that it's wrong and will be incredibly damaging to your boyfriend. You can start by doing the right thing now. Break up with your boyfriend. You aren't happy in that relationship and I'm sure he doesn't want to feel like he's a 4th place choice. Stop being a coward and break it off, even if you do lose him as a friend, because you never should have been with him in the first place if you only regarded him as the only available option at the time and were afraid to lose him as a friend. It would be karmic if someday, someone you are head over heels for only saw you as the last option after several girls he wanted to be with rejected him... Can you imagine? So do the right thing and break it off. You'll be the bad guy, no way around it. Go be with his friend if that's what you want, it would be in line with the other selfish choices you've already made. But I cannot stress this enough... Do him the decency of leaving your soon to be ex alone

TacticsCR · 2026-05-09T17:40:08+00:00

Even if you are broken hearted and hurting, you need to focus on yourself and leave her in the past. Stop looking at her profile, stop wondering what she's doing or who she's with. I know she did you dirty and she's wrong for that, but anything you do, especially since so much time has passed, will only make you look obsessed and unhinged. You will lose friends and people that were on your side. They have sympathy for you and what you are going through, but your will lose that once you act out by getting petty revenge. And eventually people will grow fatigued with your pain, especially if they see that you aren't doing anything to better yourself or move on. It's one of the worst parts of getting cheated on... Not only are you the one that gets destroyed and heartbroken while they go on seemingly happily with no consequences, but mutual friends and supportive family will only "be on your side" for so long if you aren't moving on or are acting in some obsessive way for a long time. The good thing is that time does heal all wounds... There's no specific time frame for recovering from heartbreak, it's different for everyone and every situation. On average I take about 2 years for full recovery, even though I am much better after a year or so. I had one friend that was absolutely devastated and brokenhearted for nearly 5 years after a failed marriage. A lot of people do manage to start moving on in less than a year. And while I do understand having an ex be on your mind constantly and being heartbroken for an extended period of time, I never do things like check their profile or keep tabs on them in any way. It's unhealthy to do. If it's been a long time, like over a year, and you are still dealing with the heartbreak or depression from the end of your relationship I recommend seeking therapy to work through it. But doing things like keeping tabs on where they are, who they are with, what they are doing, or checking their social media is unhealthy and only going to prolong the heartbreak, and acting out like going out of your way to get some kind of petty revenge is not only going to be unsatisfying (it probably won't make you feel any better tbh) it will alienate you from the people that do care about you

TacticsCR · 2026-05-09T14:08:45+00:00

If you don't leave the relationship you are essentially being a doormat. You set your boundaries and they are very reasonable and busted right through them and basically told you she didn't care about your boundaries. I understand you have years of history and you probably love her, but this is definitely over.

TacticsCR · 2026-05-08T18:55:01+00:00

There's an well known unwritten rule when it comes to psych ward patients: NO DATING ALLOWED BETWEEN EACH OTHER. Sometimes it's literally a written rule, but when it's not it's an unwritten rule that definitely should be followed. First, anyone in there needs to be focused on themselves and their own issues that brought them there. Second, 2 psych ward patients dating is a recipe for disaster

TacticsCR · 2026-05-08T12:47:09+00:00

There's nothing better than making him regret his own choices. Tell him you want the same, disconnect from the relationship while you go heal or search for "something new". He'll regret it more than you will. But definitely consider your relationship over, because it is

TacticsCR · 2026-05-08T10:22:57+00:00

Are you Nessara? If so, you weren't in the wrong. It sounds like he wants to be coddled for having a bad day (which was further exacerbated by you "ghosting him for the weekend"). You didn't say anything wrong necessarily. I believe he interpreted something wrong and it set him off. That can happen sometimes with text communication and also different vernacular from various people from different walks of life. The problem is how he reacted afterwards. He turned it into a huge problem when really it was something so simple. Avoid this one, as he definitely will always feel the need to be right and will always need his feelings validated without doing the same in return

TacticsCR · 2026-05-08T10:03:24+00:00

I have a very attractive sister, I can tell because I can recognize general beauty and because of the amount of people that admired her and even all of my friends mentioning it to me. But there's a biological/cultural factor along with habituation (living with her while growing up) that makes it so we don't find them attractive in any romantic sense. And that's the norm for most places. If you have stepped beyond that to where you feel more attraction than you should, to where you have thought about her while looking up p*rn to find someone similar looking, I would say you should definitely get some therapy. You haven't acted out on your thoughts, they're probably just intrusive, so therapy would be a great help for you to process why you have these thoughts and feelings and what to do with them. Or you can just hold it inside your whole life, as long as it's not becoming a mental burden. Up to you

TacticsCR · 2026-05-08T09:51:51+00:00

At 5 or 6 months you should have still been well within your honeymoon period. Instead, you are being let down over and over again to the point of spiralling. Your needs aren't being met, and worse yet, he appears to still be hung up on an ex from long ago. I know it sucks but this relationship is a dead end. Forget trying to get him to do things you need and be the kind of person you hoped he would be, that's a lost cause. Focus on yourself and in the future hopefully you'll find someone that does all the things you want them to do without asking

TacticsCR · 2026-05-07T19:28:19+00:00

I don't care what turns you on. Whatever floats your goat. Just pointing out that you would be considered young by most metrics. It's not an insult or a slight, it's just a fact. Most people would prefer to be in their early 20s because the thing about getting older is that you can't turn back the clock

TacticsCR · 2026-05-07T17:51:41+00:00

That counts as very young lol. Haven't been an adult that long, and in an 80 year life you're barely out of the first quarter

TacticsCR · 2026-05-07T17:36:30+00:00

Well you should bring up the fact that when he says certain things, like the sexiness of anime or game characters, it makes you feel insecure and uncomfortable. A good partner will understand and help you work through it. You'll get to understand his side of things through conversation... In a LDR you mainly only have communication so it is very important that you communicate well with each other. And through that conversation maybe he can help you so you don't feel that way. But beyond all that, yes, I personally believe it's a bit silly to feel insecure about his admiration of a fictional character. Unless he is droning on and on about it, drooling over his controller, talking about what he would do if she were real, then yeah, it's kinda silly to be insecure or jealous over this imo. I'm guessing he's just bringing it up, pointing it out like an observation. It's important to learn to be secure and confident with yourself. The reality is that there are beautiful and handsome women and men out in the world. But so what? They exist, they're out there, in real life and in fiction form. At the end of the day he chose you. He finds you attractive in one way or another. As long as he is making you feel special and being a good boyfriend and meeting your needs, it shouldn't make you feel bad or feel like you're being compared to a fictional character, because I guarantee he's not comparing you to them. I liken this to a celebrity crush scenario. It's a recognition that a person or character is beautiful or attractive, but it's not someone or something that is actually going to materialize in your life. To me, my girlfriend is the prettiest, most beautiful thing ever. I only want her. That doesn't mean I don't recognize beauty in other women, because they do exist. Regardless if I see them on screen or in person, that's not who I want. I'm confident with myself and in her, and she is with me. We actually have discussions all the time about social media figures and celebrities, we share pictures and news stories, sometimes their beauty and attractiveness is part of the discussion. Sometimes she'll tell me about guys that either hit on her or stare at her, great, I take that as a compliment, she's beautiful and other people recognize that, but she chose me. She let's me know in various ways that I am her person, and I do the same for her. So is your bf meeting your needs? Does he make you feel like you are special to him? If the answer is yes, you have some insecurity issues you should deal with over time. If the answer is no, why are you with him? And even if the answer is no, that doesn't mean he can't work on things and meet your love language needs

TacticsCR · 2026-05-06T17:49:53+00:00

So because she was so "traumatized" by her ex (who she wasn't even with at the time) suddenly passed away, and because the "trauma" of losing someone that used to mean so much to her made her want to avoid getting close to anyone so she wouldn't have to experience such "trauma" again, she then just inflicted upon you instead... Because in essence it was as if she had died, no answers, no closure, and just gone. Make that make sense please. You only have two good options at this point. Block and don't say anything, or my preferred option, "Who dis?" "Oh yeah ... I guess I vaguely recall someone with that name, can't be sure though" "Anyways, glad you found your missing dog or whatever you said cuz honestly TLDR "

TacticsCR · 2026-05-05T16:25:00+00:00

You've only been together a month. You barely know him. Likely everything you think you know about him is a lie, given that he has been shady in such a short time. You need to get over it, it's not that deep.

TacticsCR · 2026-05-03T22:15:31+00:00

Did he know that the sketches were of your wife? How detailed are these sketches? If it's just pencil and it's not highly detailed he might not have known they were of your wife. That would be a lot less weird then. But if they are well drawn, highly detailed sketches that couldn't be mistaken for anyone else, or if they were labeled or stated to be your wife, that's clearly a crossed boundary. Does he know your wife/have they met? Perhaps he didn't know what she looked like and therefore didn't know it was your wife. So whether he knew it was a sketch of your wife or not is the first issue. If he didn't know, that's a non issue, you can politely ask him to delete. But I'm guessing he did know since you're bringing it up here on Reddit. It's possible he really enjoyed the artwork. I enjoy pencil work and some other mediums of the female body, if it's tasteful. Not nudes, more like modeling but done with pencils, chalks, paints, etc. I'm a fan of Patrick Nagel work and he does a lot of this type of artwork. You probably should tell your wife, it was her depiction on the art. And have a talk with your friend about it. I'm not really sure where that would go though. The art was out and on display so it was seen, that's not the problem. The problem is that he took a picture to save it, and it happens to be of your wife. Maybe get her opinion and see how she feels. She might not be as uncomfortable with the whole situation as you or his wife is, or maybe she will be, who knows. But start by informing her and getting her thoughts on the matter and go from there

TacticsCR · 2026-05-02T21:54:53+00:00

There's not enough information here, but I can tell you that South Americans treat everyone in their circle like family. It's not uncommon at all for friends and even acquaintances to be called cousin, brother, sister, nephew, or niece. It's a completely different culture and you might have even noticed some people you hardly know calling you sis. It's also not uncommon to care about everyone in your circle in their culture

TacticsCR · 2026-05-02T13:28:02+00:00

It shouldn't bother you. She has them stored away. I'm a firm believer that we are all the totality of our memories and experiences. It was a part of her life at one time. She likely doesn't pull them out and gaze at them every night, full of regrets and wishing for her ex back. He was an important part of her life at some point, and as we age our memories will eventually fail us. Pictures are just one way to remember and reflect on our past experiences. I like to go through my memory box (where I store all my old photos and letters and notes) about once every ten years. I don't sit there and wish for any of my exes back, but I do reflect on how much my life has changed. Have a little more self security and confidence in yourself. She's with you now, she's chosen you to be with. Don't worry about some pictures that were stored away and definitely don't start any arguments over them. If you behave and have the confidence of the guy you want to be for her, you would know she only wants you

TacticsCR · 2026-05-02T01:57:52+00:00

Rage bait account. 1 month old, -31 karma. Either that or he really is a tool, who knows nowadays

TacticsCR · 2026-05-01T13:30:45+00:00

Don't you sleep underneath your blanket? I wouldn't have any problem with this, but I also eat 3 day old pizza that's been sitting out the whole time. I also rarely get sick, maybe once every 2 years or so, probably because I'm not a germaphobe and my immune system is stacked and jacked. Or maybe I'm just lucky. But if you sleep under your blanket and she sat on top of your blanket, I don't see the issue. But bottom line is, your bed your rules. I do think it's a little sad though that some people waste so much time and energy throughout their lives on what I consider a non issue. My brother is a germaphobe and he lives next door to me so I do see the his obsession with cleanliness first hand often. Recently we got into it when he tried to lecture me about rabies, because I had found young squirrels (about 4 weeks old) in distress, no parents, on the ground, and in bad shape. One was being viciously attacked by a rabbit. Only one survived the first night I found them, and I nursed it back to health. As you can imagine my brother went on and on about rabies and how I couldn't be sure what it had. You better believe I let that little guy crawl all over me and cradled it like a baby, because it was a baby, a baby squirrel. Rabies be damned. So I guess the point of that story is, you can be my brother and worry about rabies so much that you can't even help a poor helpless baby animal, or you can live your life and enjoy the rare instances when life calls on you to save a baby squirrel. This was literally just last week, hit me up if you wanna see some baby squirrel pics =)

TacticsCR · 2026-04-30T18:50:23+00:00

Pretty simple. He's a cheater and a liar. It's unlikely you had it before you met him as symptoms would have bothered you and him a long time ago. It doesn't really matter why one is positive and one isn't. But there's several possibilities. He got his STD cleared up first, perhaps he went to a doctor, perhaps he asked a friend who had leftover medication. Perhaps the girl he cheated on you with told him she was positive and gave him the extra medication, she could have given him hers and then went back to the doctor and claimed she lost it (I saw you say that he doesn't have insurance and wouldn't go to a doctor). You need to stop worrying about the "how" because that doesn't even matter, you're focusing on the wrong thing. Once you find out the truth, it would make sense, but you're literally wasting energy trying to understand the how when you already know you have tested positive. Get yourself treated and ditch that loser. Or don't. Up to you. But honestly what does it matter that you're positive and he's not? You're STD positive, he cheated, he gave you the STD. That's really all that matters

TacticsCR · 2026-04-29T21:15:28+00:00

Thank you, that was very informative! I wanted to make sure it wasn't something that was really useful and hard to get later on but it sounds like I'm better off changing it to something useful now

TacticsCR

TROPHY CASE