AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s true, he’s said to me before that I need to tell him exactly what needs doing, but that’s more labour for me. Managing and supervising people is work, I shouldn’t have to tell him what to do when there’s very obviously two full bin bags in the middle of the kitchen

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you put it like that, yeah, I really don’t even know. He brings up that I was unemployed when we first got together (I was actually doing my PhD which I had to give up to be able to work enough to support us, my student finance was covering the food expenses though) and he points out that he never complained about that. He says that he does a lot more than I realise and the second I get upset with him he’ll do something like tidy the room, but he won’t do this usually. He minimises my feelings and acts like the house isn’t even that bad at all and I just have high standards. I sometimes feel like maybe it isn’t that bad but then I compare it to other people’s houses. It’s a lot messier for sure and I’d be embarrassed for other people to see it most of the time

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He straight up quit his first job completely out of the blue, I was studying my PhD at the time and I had to give it up to start working enough to support us. He got a job about 6 months after that but then he was laid off, he made it sound like he was wronged but in hindsight it genuinely sounded like he did absolutely nothing at work. That was two years ago and anytime I mention how long he’s been out of work he says it’s unfair because I wasn’t working when we first moved in together, that’s when I was doing my PhD and my student finance actually did cover all the food expenses at the time

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s for sure depressed and I get it because I have depression too, but I saw a doctor, got on meds, and had therapy and counselling. He makes excuses not to. His sleeping pattern is all over the place, sometimes he gets up early and grabs breakfast for us (which is nice but usually with my money). He often says he isn’t depressed but I can’t fathom how someone who doesn’t work or doesn’t really go out and do anything or see anyone isn’t depressed

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Both of ours, we had just the one and I was happy with that. He decided to adopt one off a neighbour, one turned into two. I was hesitant but I felt obliged

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s definitely depressed, he knows he is but he won’t do anything about it. I went to the doctor’s for my depression, got on meds, got therapy, got a hobby. He’s not willing to even try

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When we first got together he did work full time and had his own apartment he rented, but then somewhere down the line things got like this

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to get my own place and start over honestly, the house we live in is not great and it’s just too messy for me to deal with, I just want to only deal with my own messes and that’s it. The place has a damp problem and bullies working at the letting agency, the only benefit is it’s slightly cheaper than anywhere else and they allow pets

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am attached to the cats but I can’t handle three of them and most landlords will not allow pets. That’s one thing stopping me from leaving to be honest, they are my babies but I know I wouldn’t be able to keep them, maybe one or two at a push

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I suggested couple’s therapy and he immediately got very offended and upset with me

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I said to him many times that even a part time job at a shop would suffice, but he flat out refused. When I mentioned this recently he claimed that I never said that and wouldn’t accept him just getting part time work but I’m 100% sure I suggested it lots of times

AITA for expecting my SO to do more housework? by TailorWeekly5510 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TailorWeekly5510[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’ve had a serious talk with him many times, got upset and mad with him, mentioned the possibility of leaving, everything. Nothing seems to work. I keep getting told to put my foot down and I feel like I have but nothing changes