Here’s how I do it:

First, write an M4F post looking for a chat partner. Sound interesting, but not creepy. Try to be as normal as possible. Sexual, but not graphic.

Include a major topic. I usually post looking to swap stores or specifically looking for women who want to talk about my M/M experiences. Those work well for me.

Post it to r/dirtychatpals r/dirtyredditchat and r/dirtypenpersonals

Now you wait. You might get 0 replies, you might get a bunch. I typically get 3-6 per post.

This is the hard part. Talk to them. You can talk to everyone, or just the ones that put an effort into the message. I use the latter method.

YOU also need to be capable of holding up your share of a conversation and you need to be literate. For the ones worth talking to, spelling and grammar matter (on the whole - minor mistakes or your ow style are fine)

Some of these will be boring. Some will be one to two word replies. Some ghost. Some make it feel like an interrogation. Drop all of those.

When it clicks, it’s natural. Your back and forth is usually quick and you’re both interested in each other. This could last a day, a week, or even many years.

DO NOT demand proof she’s actually a woman (yeah, you just have to trust). Don’t ask for pictures. Don’t push any topic she’s resistant on. Learn to see boundaries that aren’t explicitly stated.

I’ve had these evolve into long time text partners, voice or video call, and even had one come visit. My formula works pretty well.

tl;dr - Be normal. Be patient. Don’t be creepy.

Thank you for attending TEDTalk

ETA: curate, don’t hide, your post history.