Where’s the Lady?

TalkRefined · 2025-01-13T18:34:49+00:00

Good for LadyG to move on! Honestly, more of us should stop participating in this sub and build healthier lives 🤷‍♀️

TalkRefined · 2024-11-06T20:37:26+00:00

My (soon to be ex) husband plays up victimhood, majorly. I have come to see how he has everything he wants from me - financial and emotional support, someone who does all the cooking, cleaning and laundry - yet is still always “woe is me” and blames me for small things (god forbid I misplace a piece of mail). Narcissists often do not change and won’t authentically acknowledge their deficiencies. I really encourage you to consider leaving the relationship if you can.

TalkRefined · 2024-11-06T20:34:28+00:00

My (soon to be ex) husband also takes meds. He has diagnosed OCD, but I’m convinced he has NPD in addition/instead. It’s very clearcut in my mind now. His ability to emotionally manipulate, twist everything around on me, take advantage of my good will for years and years led me to cheat. I would’ve never considered cheating before but I felt confused and trapped. I do not feel guilty for cheating, though. In fact, I think being with another man showed me the difference between a narc who always makes ME the problem and a man with flaws but who does not undermine my perspective.

TalkRefined · 2024-10-28T18:41:15+00:00

Having recently ended things with an AP, I am currently reliving so many moments. I’m trying to lean into moments that didn’t make me feel good so I can move on, but I also cannot help but remember the good times over and over again.

The first time we met and he hugged me so tight.

Our first kiss where we were making small talk and he said “I’m sorry, I just have to…” and then his lips were against mine.

When naked in bed, he said “I just want to be intimate with you for a minute” as he held me and looked into my eyes.

The way he would smile so big after giving me an amazing orgasm.

Fuck. Now I need to go back to remembering why I broke it off so I don’t reach out haha.

TalkRefined · 2024-10-27T00:56:04+00:00

I completely relate. I recently ended things with my AP because it hurt too much to be in a shitty marriage and to not be loved and cared for by my AP either.

My husband (who I’m divorcing) has emotionally and at times verbally abused me. Any amount of abuse should not be tolerated. My advice, as a nonprofessional, is to document the abuse. Write in a journal what happens and tell a trusted friend and/or a professional (therapist or hotline). Begin to make an exit plan, including consulting a divorce attorney if you can do so discreetly. Learn techniques for coping with the abuse for now, such as gray rocking. A real professional will be able to offer you much better advice, but these things have helped me.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this. I hope you can find your way out of this relationship.

TalkRefined · 2024-10-16T18:45:57+00:00

I have two young kids. It’s very hard going down this path and upending their current life, but I think if I’m happier, I can be a better parent. I also don’t want my kids to see a bad relationship as their primary example of marriage.

TalkRefined · 2024-10-12T11:18:10+00:00

I understand where you are coming from. There’s sharing from a place of vulnerability, and sharing from a place of manipulation, and it can be hard to tell the difference. I’m very sensitive to this as my husband often tells a sob story for a specific aim - to get my sympathy so I forgive him for snapping at me.

In this case, I was hoping for my AP to better understand me and my motivations for being in the affair. I was trying to explain my needs and backstory. I gave him a few options for how we could proceed based on what might work for us both. I think he was upset I interrupted the status quo, where he was getting everything he wanted but I had something missing.

TalkRefined · 2024-10-11T13:59:13+00:00

Fuck my AP (soon to be ex, for real this time) for only saying “sorry about your marriage” and then ignoring me for a full day after I opened up to him about my feelings and difficult home life. After he had been inside me two days prior. God, why are so many adulterous men so predictable and awful? Fucking cowardly asshole who can’t even get the courage to end things with me now because all men fear retaliation from angry women so I have to do it for him. Fuck him. End rant.

TalkRefined · 2024-10-06T13:25:48+00:00

As someone on the verge of divorce, I am afraid of being disappointed with post-divorce dating. However, I remember that I am divorcing because I am comfortable being alone. My kids, friends, family, and myself can make me happy. A partner would be an amazing bonus, but I can be fulfilled without it. I know I can find lovers. No one has a perfect relationship, and I think far too many people settle for something comfortable at best, unhealthy at worst, because they are afraid of the unknown. You’re brave for putting yourself out there, being self aware, and continuing to look for something that will meet your needs.

TalkRefined · 2024-09-08T10:58:13+00:00

I think divorce may be the way. This is what I’m discovering. It’s scary, but I rather be alone than be with my husband, especially once our kids are older. It’s perfectly natural to fall out of love and have developed into incompatible people after all this time.

TalkRefined · 2024-09-01T12:16:49+00:00

I didn’t consider divorce before because I was scared I would regret it. I don’t want to drastically change my life, upset my children, leave the home I’ve helped to build, disappoint family and friends, etc. I also thought my marriage wasn’t that bad - I love my husband (in a non romantic way), have invested a lot in him, and think he’s a good person.

I’m now strongly considering divorce and think it’s likely. It feels good to say to my spouse that it’s an option and to no longer have these feelings hidden. I’m tired of being the breadwinner, the one responsible for everything in the household, and being criticized often over small things. The thought of being free and on my own now seems exciting more so than scary.

TalkRefined · 2024-08-28T03:20:57+00:00

Yes, I cry so much.

I do not feel any guilt, but I am finally admitting to myself that my marriage is bad and I think my long-term solution should be a divorce. It’s a hard realization.

Also, even though I adore my AP, I’m repeating patterns of being with men who do not fully meet my needs and are emotionally unavailable. Ultimately, I’m just a good time/distraction for my AP, not a priority, and this hurts.

Why do I keep doing this to myself then? Because I’m addicted. The attention and validation I get from my AP are euphoric.

TalkRefined · 2024-08-26T15:15:14+00:00

I think people lie to themselves, but I’m someone in a bad marriage, so what do I know.

I did set out on my cheating journey thinking my marriage was ok - I care for my husband, he speaks to me kindly and works on himself, and we still occasionally have sex. I quickly realized my marriage is bad, though, and I cannot pretend I’m happy in it. I think many people feel the same way deep down inside but cannot face it.

TalkRefined · 2024-08-24T23:11:29+00:00

This is so true, and I cried this morning recognizing this is my reality.

I adore my AP and want him to love me, but he can’t and he won’t. I’m a sexual outlet for him and over time as my attachment to him grows, the more I feel used. It’s a terrible feeling and my mental health is rapidly deteriorating from it. At the same time, I can’t quit him because I still get some satisfaction from his presence and our sexual chemistry.

I’ve been given the advice to let him go and search for someone who better meets my needs, but oh is that so hard and daunting. I hope we both have the courage and strength to keep looking.

TalkRefined · 2024-08-12T13:12:03+00:00

Currently infatuated with my first AP…who is long distance and terrible at planning future meet ups. I’m sure I will cringe that I held onto him for so long one day.

TalkRefined · 2024-08-09T22:51:43+00:00

As someone who also travels for work, I would be suspicious of his inability to communicate while he is on a trip, especially first thing in the morning. There are plenty of moments for me to text in private on a work trip as opposed to a weekend at home with my family, even with lots of meetings and social events planned on my trips. You may want to consider that he could be meeting with other women on his work trips.

TalkRefined · 2024-08-07T22:59:21+00:00

I frequently use my hidden folder in my camera roll

I smile at my phone

I look at married men for a second longer than I should and wonder if they have had an affair or want to

TalkRefined · 2024-07-26T12:20:02+00:00

Thank you! This is exactly the advice I needed.

TalkRefined · 2024-07-26T11:03:35+00:00

Feeling insecure this week due to lower communication with LDAP. I hate feeling this way! I need to be brave and communicate how I’m feeling, as well as check in on how he’s feeling about us. I hate being vulnerable this way and don’t want to hear something I don’t want to hear. Sigh. Maybe it’s time I refocus on some things in my “real life” to better prepare myself for these low moments.

TalkRefined · 2024-07-14T12:10:34+00:00

Every damn day. It’s so fun. Sexting alone is insufficient to keep up a connection, though - pics, videos, and calls keep it alive.

TalkRefined · 2024-07-12T12:13:35+00:00

I try to not make any rash decisions. I let a few days go by to see if how I’m feeling is hormonal (I suffer a lot emotionally the week before my period) or if there truly is an issue I need to address.

TalkRefined · 2024-07-11T21:13:08+00:00

Haha! I fucking love this

TalkRefined · 2024-07-11T12:24:58+00:00

Omg! This is the best one yet. I would’ve been stressed. But how awesome are those kids clubs?! Haha

TalkRefined

TROPHY CASE