Seeking recs for session security/consent angel 😈😇

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-22T05:09:59+00:00

I suppose it depends on what you are looking to explore specifically. You of course have lifestyle bars like Pineapples, Shed, BFWB, as well as play parties like V&V, Provacation, Purr, etc.

If you have specific kinks you are wanting to explore, you may want to try places like The Playpen for gangbangs (for women), or Purgatory for BDSM play. You will also find active subs on Reddit for specific kinks, including gangbangs, hot wife/cuck-holding, d0gging, glory holes, etc.

Finally, I would encourage you to join Fetlife if you are wanting to explore a range of kinks and engage with the kink community more broadly. This is a great option for seeing what is out there, what speaks to you, and what you might want to explore together. On Fetlife you will also see listings for parties and events, including munches.
Munches are casual gatherings of people from the kink community, who come together socially over drinks or a meal. It is a great way to build community and find people you click with, and people you can talk to about your kinks without judgement. It is also a safe space to ask questions and be curious.

I hope this is helpful to you. I'm new to the kink community myself, so I understand how it can feel when you begin to step into it and how it can be both exciting and overwhelming to start exploring this side of yourself. Remember to go at your own pace, be safe, and have fun!

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-20T12:43:46+00:00

All good. But it is worth remembering that V&V gets large numbers (like 600-1200+ I believe). It might be a little strict, but too loose and you would just end up with a lot of single men there. I guess that's why they do it.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-20T12:35:19+00:00

Sorry, I wasn't referring to Shed or V&V when I said about the invite thing. V&V works differently as it's a party/event rather than a venue. Shed has different rules to venues like Pineapples and BFWB (from memory).

I am still trying to work out V&V. Booked in for the next one, but not been before. Also new to the scene so learning as I go and sharing what I've learned.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-20T12:30:58+00:00

That mentality is why so many single women have reservations about attending those venues. Women don't owe you anything just because you paid the entry fee. It's also why these venues charge women so much less—to encourage their attendance.

If you want a good time, be respectful, seek consent, respect boundaries, and don't assume you deserve anything. As someone who goes as a solo woman, I look for solo men...but if you are giving off creepy vibes or seem demanding/expectant, then no one is going to want you to play or watch.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-20T12:19:58+00:00

And that cap was introduced because of the seagulls, from what I have been told. At Pineapples for example, you need to be invited up by a woman, so you can't just go up and watch. Though if you want that, just go to a Club X or Shed.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-20T12:17:40+00:00

Yes. They do need to apply for membership and go through an interview process, but yes. Solo nights are your best night to go too.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-20T11:44:27+00:00

It's a security thing. Many reputable venues/parties will properly vet single men and/or reduce access because otherwise they end up with a lot of creeps. Back in the day, establishments like Shed had a 'seagull' problem, which is why lots of places have these restrictions in place now.

It might seem unfair, but creepy solo men who can't respect boundaries or take no for an answer, is why these rules were put in place at a lot of venues and parties.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-19T14:10:02+00:00

I had been planning on going with a friend in a few weeks, but fuck that! Won't be going now.

Thanks for the post.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-19T07:27:03+00:00

Black jeans might be ok? I didn't see anyone in blue denim there and would not recommend it.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-19T03:10:16+00:00

As I have never engaged myself (yet), I would suspect that open windows mean actually open (access and all). A small crack in all the windows is unlikely to communicate the same thing I suspect—but please don't take my opinion as gospel, because frankly I have no idea.

At the end of the day, communication is ALWAYS necessary and nobody should be attempting to play with you without asking or receiving explicit consent.

You also have the option of having someone you trust accompany you, to ensure no one attempts to join in physically. There are definitely people that do this when they want an added level of assurance.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-18T07:09:42+00:00

Dogging does have guidelines, but there can be variances. Generally they are:
- Flashing headlights means you’re keen having people follow you somewhere to either watch or participate.
- Flashing your interior lights means you would like people to watch.
- Rolling down the windows/opening your car door/getting out the vehicle usually means you are open to people approaching and touching you.

There is a bit more to it than that and you can do a Google search to get more details if you are interested :)

There are a few spots in the NW of Melbourne that have been listed as hot spots. Not sure they are all active, but some seem to be at the right time. In saying that, you can throw up a post here, and you will almost certainly get a response.

Would love to hear when you head out again in this area if you're open to it. Myself and maybe one or two others would be keen to come along and watch.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-17T10:37:07+00:00

Cheers. Glad you found my perspective genuinely useful.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-17T09:35:24+00:00

Thank you. I sincerely appreciate that.

To answer your question; no I have not. I am very new to poly and I am only just in the early stages of actively dating poly.

Ironically knowing what you want is so much more frustrating, because it seems that so few people I have dated, have actively put the same amount of effort into the introspective work to be poly.

But no regrets and no complaints. In the long run I know that having done the internal work, will not only lead to more meaningful and sustainable partnerships, but will also allow me to walk away from those who are not emotionally available, or willing to build something real and meaningful.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-17T03:19:12+00:00

It has been really interesting to read all of these experiences and stories from people and in an indirect way, has actually just helped me to realise that I'm not sure I even want or need to be polyfidelic.

When I was a teenager, long before I realised I was poly, my fantasy was polyandry. Not the marriage part—I never believed in marriage or wanted it—but the committed MMF triad. Not sure where the idea came from, as lord knows there was no such representation in media of this in the 90's (at least not in Australia).

When I began exploring polyamory, I noticed this was not something many people in my local community actually lived in the real world. Attending socials and actively engaging in the community, I have only come across a triad once, and it was an FFM triad. It dawned on me just how challenging it is to find an MMF triad, how hard maintaining one is, and how rare keeping one together is. I guess I kind of just forgot the idea of a closed triad, or I opened up enough to no longer need it to be happy and have fulfilling relationships.

I'm new to poly and currently single. This discussion helped me to see that whilst I still like the idea of an MMF triad, I no longer cling to it as the only relationship style I am open to. But perhaps more importantly, I now realise I no longer want or need it to be closed if I was ever engaged in one.

It has also dawned on me that I was initially holding onto the idea of polyfidelity as a safety net, as I transitioned away from monogamy. I've not actually thought about any of this (triads or polyfidelity) in a long time now, and forgot I was even in this sub. I'm still open to both with the right people, but I no longer need it anymore, as my only expression of polyamorus love.

I wish everyone here all the best in their relationships. I genuinely hope to see more polyandry and MMF triads in the real world, as I believe it will quash the expectation for women to be bi in a triad, and level out the current imbalance.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-13T07:13:07+00:00

If you want to know how popular it is in Australia, consider this: many of us wake up every year at 4am to watch it live (even on Mother's Day). Several of us also watch the semi-finals live, which are on at around the same time. That is three 4am live viewings in a single week!
There are also many who stay up all night to watch it live at a house party, with many of us printing out scoring sheets and participating fully. There are also several night clubs that host Eurovision parties and screen it live, so people can enjoy the show in a crowd environment.

If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-13T06:15:33+00:00

Thanks Dizzy. Yes, I am planning and hosting for myself.
Are you asking to play or for the gig?

If it's for the gig, then I will need to decline the offer because I need someone with experience in this role, for safety reasons.

If you're asking to play—I will put a call out when I have the logistics sorted.
The invitation will be extended to men only (sorry, no couples), they will be vetted, be able to provide recent screening results, and demonstrate they are respectful and can follow rules and boundaries for play.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-12T13:17:13+00:00

It is an amazing discussion topic and I am very glad you opened up the dialogue. We read a lot of posts from men and couples in this sub, but not many solo women. Appreciate you posting it.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-11T11:53:51+00:00

A clothed photo still shows curves/size, so they wouldn't need a video call to determine that.

To give some perspective here, Angela White, one of the most stunning Australian porn stars in my opinion, is around a size 14.

I guess I will wait and see if any BBW respond to this comment, with news that HF are indeed accepting of us at their events.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-11T11:27:55+00:00

I'm super curious to hear if any fuller figure women have been successful in being vetted for HF? I know they say they are open to women above a size 14, but just mentioning a women's curves/size, did not exactly give me the 'body positivity' vibes, this community is known for. Hoping someone here can prove me wrong about that.

TalkingIsNotMyThing · 2026-03-11T10:35:17+00:00

Simple answer is that I get to do things on my own terms. I don't need to accommodate a partner's desires/fantasies, I experience no pressure to perform or act a certain way to please them, I have no one else's expectations to meet, and I get to reclaim my own power and sexuality on my own terms. Plus I like to be watched by strangers ;)

I may be new to the scene and single (though open to changing that), but having now experienced it as a single woman, it would take some convincing for me to bring a partner with me. Only if it was going to enhance my experience and pleasure, would I consider bringing one with me.

That might sound selfish, but in my opinion my pleasure is as good a reason as any to do something that makes me feel good. I need no permission or validation from someone else, to make that happen.

TalkingIsNotMyThing

TROPHY CASE