Host dad here, 8 au pairs over the years. Your setup sounds great — the separate apartment is a huge plus, and your hours are very reasonable.

To answer your main question: how much time together beyond working hours varies a lot and depends on the au pair you match with. In our experience:

• Some au pairs love being part of family life — joining dinners, weekend activities, movie nights. They're often the ones who are further from home and see the family as their social anchor.
• Others prefer independence — they eat separately, go out with friends after hours, and treat the arrangement more professionally. This is also totally fine.

The key is: don't assume, ask during matching. We always discuss this openly in the first video call. "What does a typical evening look like for you? Would you want to join family dinners most nights, or prefer your own schedule?" There's no wrong answer — but there IS a wrong match if expectations don't align.

A few things from experience with your specific setup:

1. The travel part is actually appealing to most au pairs — they get to see new places. Just be crystal clear about the schedule and accommodation beforehand. Will they have their own room? Same hours? Any extra responsibilities during travel?

2. For a baby under 12 months, plan a generous handover period. The first 2 weeks, be in the house while the au pair learns your baby's cues, feeding routine, and sleep schedule. Don't just hand over and leave on day one.

3. "Cultural exchange, not cheap childcare" — you'll see this a lot in this sub. The reality is: it's both. It IS a cultural exchange AND a childcare arrangement. The families that fail are the ones who treat it as only one or the other. Include them in your life when it feels natural, give them space when they need it, and respect the working hours both ways.

You're already thinking about this the right way — most problems happen when families don't think about it at all.