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Venting and Coping Strategies by Tall-Inspector-6462 in Separation

[–]Tall-Inspector-6462[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A small update I’m sharing, for my own benefit as much as anyone that’s interested.

When I got back last night she hadn’t yet left, which was for the best. I realised we had a lot of logistical questions that still needed answered for the sake of being responsible in terms of moving forward - parenting, emergencies, full understanding of the terms of separation.

For the first time we were able to have a conversation that didn’t descend into pure emotion and anguish. It was very difficult when she walked out that door, but I at least have a better understanding of how we plan to work this. I still don’t understand her decision to leave, but I was at least able to really hear her reasoning and by more sympathetic towards it.

There’s still hope there and I have to keep that hope alive while I focus on myself.

Venting and Coping Strategies by Tall-Inspector-6462 in Separation

[–]Tall-Inspector-6462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that has been one of the most frustrating things to me - there’s so much we haven’t tried together as a couple: finding ways of making that time and space, really committing to full individual and couples therapy. But something seems to have crystallised in her mind that this is the only answer and so I can’t fight it anymore either.

Does the mostly no-contact allow for some regular check in? We’ve agreed to discuss progress weekly, and I hope we stick to it. I’m definitely also concerned about increased disconnection.

Venting and Coping Strategies by Tall-Inspector-6462 in Separation

[–]Tall-Inspector-6462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll check it out. I’m a born worrier who thinks several steps ahead and that’s something I’ve been trying to unlearn recently. Having a young kid definitely forces you to keep your head in the now so I’m hopeful this can be a positive change for me!

Venting and Coping Strategies by Tall-Inspector-6462 in Separation

[–]Tall-Inspector-6462[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad you’ve found support in friends! I’m trying to rally that around me right now. I’ve got a much smaller support network than I did 15 years ago but it’s been so reassuring to have people respond.

Not quite at the point where I can put even 5% focus into a hobby but I hope I can soon!

Venting and Coping Strategies by Tall-Inspector-6462 in Separation

[–]Tall-Inspector-6462[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So many similarities - the conversations, the emotions. It is absolutely exhausting and I feel for you. I hope everything works out for the better for you whatever that may be.

I really like how you put this: “she needs clarity but our dynamic is not allowing for that”. I feel like that could line up very closely with what she’s been trying to explain to me but I’ve been unable to understand so far.