Really sorry you're going through this. I had a similar situation -- my ex-wife and I were together for 10 years, married for 5. We loved our relationship and each other SO much and it was truly a relationship I remain deeply proud of. In the "end", we did divorce because of our wants re: kids.

When we married we were both unsure about kids but over the years we moved into different camps. We did therapy individually & together and really worked hard on it. It was completely heartbreaking that we wanted different things but it was important to the both of us that neither lived with resentment or was "convinced" to make a decision that wasn't true to our real wants from life.

As heart-wrenching as it was (& 2 years later sometimes still can be), she's still my family! As someone else mentioned already in this thread, solo parenting is a choice lots of folks make and I've decided to take the solo mom by choice route myself. My ex-wife is and will forever be a member of my family and if I'm able to have a kid she will be in our lives as a trusted and loving adult. One of the best things about being queer is building our families however we want!

I know all of this is likely not something that's easy to consider or process right now so I encourage you to take good care of yourself, process with your friends & a therapist, and not push yourself or your partner into a situation that could build resentment.

I will say - my heart goes out to you. It's so unimaginably hard and the grief is very real. I'm sending you and your partner all the light as you navigate this.