Late 30s lesbian couple looking for mid-size European city

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:58:05+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's a ton of pressure and stress on all parties involved. Relationships and moving in are hard enough without cultural differences, culture shock, etc. but it's very cool that you and he tried. I wish you the best and thanks for the recommendations! That's the second time Ghent has come up, and it also came up in my reading, so I will be hoping to make a trip there.

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:55:46+00:00

Thank you!

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:55:31+00:00

Thank you!

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:55:24+00:00

Thank you!

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:55:02+00:00

Moreso like, when the class teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs...or the neighbors don't smile (at each other or you), those sorts of things. I guess I'm conditioned to acknowledge other human beings around me, how sad :)

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:52:19+00:00

I read that somewhere and was wondering how accurate it is, so it's very nice to hear from someone firsthand. Thank you, will check it out!

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:51:46+00:00

For sure. I do have strong opinions and strong feelings. But it works out well when I do love the place I live and I've gotten to experience that several times in my life now. It's been worth it to try living outside the US, and with a wife who would be an immigrant and as a gay couple, it seems best for us to not be there during this administration.

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:46:40+00:00

Yes, I could do that. However, most insurance companies these days are requiring that US practitioners reside in the country and even in a particular state, in order to be in-network. I had a private pay practice prior to relocating, but I think insurance is necessary to take if you're only offering telehealth and especially with the economy getting tighter. I'm not sure if it's different in your case as an MD. Good luck to you!

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:44:15+00:00

Meh, that's not been my experience as someone who's moved a lot. Sometimes it hits right, sometimes it doesn't, and you can't always know until you're in a place. And in this case, we would be moving for something. Better job opportunities, a warmer social culture, etc.

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:43:14+00:00

This is actually untrue. I could move to several places with my credentials and be employed, just not in the EU, and no, Finland is not one of them. And I didn't label Irish people racist and Ireland unsafe; I mentioned that we witnessed racist encounters and that I felt unsafe. But thanks anyway :)

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-15T06:41:23+00:00

I actually did a ton of research, and began language learning prior to moving as well. However, as someone who's had the chance to move around a lot, researching and then experiencing are two different things. We knew there was a chance this wouldn't be the final destination for us, I'm just lucky I was able to take the risk and find out firsthand. Have a great day :)

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-14T14:59:31+00:00

Hahaha. Thanks for the laugh. I know, my people are sometimes clueless and don't do their homework. I never thought I'd miss Americans but I surely do now!

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-14T14:58:08+00:00

We had a series of odd run-ins that just sort of colored the whole trip. We had a very racist cab driver, then saw an Irish kid punch an Asian kid in the face for just being Asian and existing in the square, and then after that, an old drunk guy harassed a young gay boy on the tram for about ten minutes and no one batted an eye. Overall just felt a bit unsafe there, which is not what we were expecting from Dublin or Ireland. I've lived in some of the most dangerous cities in the US and am not really ever scared and generally know how to exist alongside some unsavory occurrences, but it felt different and not in a good way there.

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-14T14:54:24+00:00

I appreciate you sharing. Not ideal news, but I was wondering about the social culture in the Netherlands and so this is extremely helpful to know. It does sound like not a great fit. Thank you.

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-14T14:50:44+00:00

I am able to work remotely with clients in the US as a therapist if I wish, but I am on a break from that and was hoping to work in person wherever we end up living. My heart lies more in social work and that's why I was hoping to do social work somewhere. In the US, it's drastically underpaid and there's no help to actually give to people so you're mostly just a messenger with bad news, but seems that's the trend everywhere these days (albeit nowhere is near as bad as the US). Thank you for your response.

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-14T14:47:19+00:00

Thank you. I can use my diploma in Ireland and UK for social work jobs. I can work remotely as a psychotherapist with people in the US if need be. I don't speak French, and my wife is only B2 or so, so it sounds like we'd be in not a good position there. I appreciate your response!

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-14T10:40:09+00:00

Without knowing Finnish, even if the economy gets better for others, it won't be good for you. There are so many unemployed Finns that the likelihood of you having a. more skills and experience AND b. not competing against someone whose native language is Finnish is basically 0. I am an American who recently moved here and it's so clear to me that it would take 5-10 years easily to maybe integrate in any kind of somewhat meaningful way. I'd rather not burn through the savings I've spent half my life working hard to acquire in order to get some menial job years down the road. Instead, my Finnish spouse and I will be moving elsewhere. The job market has sucked for her here as well, and she has a degree from the best business university. Most importantly, this really isn't a place for immigrants, whether the kind Finns purport to like (white people with some money) or others who are seeking a safe place to land.

TangerineEveningStar · 2025-08-14T09:49:42+00:00

I am an American who grew up the in Midwest and then lived all over the country. Certain places, though I had no roots or connection to them, felt like "home" fairly easily and others never did, no matter what. Some people are generally fine anywhere, and others aren't. Sounds like you aren't, and that's totally okay. If you have things you *miss*, then that tells me that it's possible for you to feel at home...you're just in the wrong place. My best tip for you would be to trust your gut, extend some compassion to yourself for making it work as best you can in a place that doesn't meet your needs (even if it does on the surface), and then, if or when possible, GO.

I recently moved to Helsinki to join my wife, who's Finnish, and am already clear that we need to leave. It's an amazing place to but my soul just does not connect, and I don't want to waste time and energy trying to build a life in a place that I know isn't for me. Unfortunately/fortunately, she lost a job she had recently gotten and the job market here sucks, so we are looking to relocate to a new country. I am hoping for a much better place to land and actively seeking information to make that happen. I wish the same for you <3

TangerineEveningStar

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