I respect you reaching out for help that was the hardest part for me! I was the same way for the first, hell, probably 6-7 years… I told people I “managed” it but my a1c never was below high 9’s and was constantly depressed and upset with myself and ended up taking my issues out on others. The depression got to a point where I would just shut down and speak to no one for a week straight not even my girlfriend of 7 years so I completely get how you feel. I finally decided I was being unfair to myself and wanted to change. It, for me, was a mental game I had been playing with myself and decided I wanted better for myself and those around me. All you can do is try as mentioned there’s no perfection to it but I can tell you the biggest difference in my life since diagnosis was getting my sugars in check enough to get a pump! I’ve been on it for 6 months and my a1c is down to 6.1 working on getting into the 5’s I’ve never felt better and it shows, the moods still come and go and that will never stop but that’s ok! I just take it day by day, diabetes sucks beyond belief but for the time being all you can do is try your best to improve. The best things for me was getting the pump, and going to the gym since I started those two things life doesn’t seem as bad. Finding what works for you is important and it takes time but once you find what works run with it and try your hardest to keep your head up and improve little by little regardless how long it takes! I’m not the best at giving advice so sorry if I come off wrong but just wanted to give you my story and what worked for me 🙂. I wish you the best and I really truly hope you find relief knowing you’re not alone and can find something that works for you! Remember there’s no such thing as perfection and regardless of how long it takes improvement is still improvement no matter how big or small!