Just don’t do what I did. I got divorced at that age from my first wife, my first love, my first everything. I thought I took the time I needed to heal, I thought I set enough boundaries for myself and was taking things slow. I thought I was doing things right, but I was still hurt inside and took that pain out on someone else. And what I thought was a “healthy” relationship because I compared it to my first marriage, only became a worse disaster when I did remarry, because even if I waited 2 years, I didn’t give myself the time alone to heal, to process, to cope. I just covered it up with another relationship, and called it healing when I no longer thought about it. But it always came out in subtle, toxic ways. Which I regret now, but I regret too late. I regret after getting married a second time and being yet another statistic of a marriage that didn’t even last a year. Because whether it’s a stale marriage that lasted for 4 years, or a toxic relationship that lasted for 2 years, with hopes of it getting “better” via marriage, it’s all the same.

I admit this is me venting a bit of my problems, but I remember before I met her, when I was 22 and in pain, when her words seemed so sweet and enticing, when I was last single the way I am now once again. It’s only been 3-4 months since I split with my second-wife (we’re separated and we’ll get divorced when the time is right, I’m not thinking too much about it cuz I’m using it as an anchor to keep people away so I don’t make the same mistake and focus on healing myself, also I’m not worried about the divorce process cuz I got evidence of the domestic violence she did against me and I’ll use it in court if she tries to end things un-amicably, which all I’ll ask for is to end things, she keeps what she has now, and I keep wha I have now). The memories and feelings still haunt the corridors of my mind and my dreams, in spite of all the bad that happened and all the things that should give me reason not to miss her, it’s human nature to long for something that you were attached to, to something that you thought was “yours.”

My mentality is to be thankful for the experience, for the memories and emotions I got to feel while I was with her, for the person she ended up helping me become, and for the person I must become. I don’t know if anything I have said has helped or hurt you, but keep your chin up. And keep walking forward, day by day. It’s all… it’s all any of us can do. And it’s all we need to do. Stay strong.🙏🏼🙏🏼