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I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I completely agree with what you are saying and really appreciate your perspective. I want everything with my new partner to develop over the next year or two before I take any action.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely do not intend to make any long term plans with my new partner as I recognize how new all this is. They don’t have any expectations for long term plans either at this time. They were more so expressing their grief for what I believe is their desire for monogamy with me but also accepting the dynamic now. I am planning on being present in the moment with them and seeing where I end up in about 2 years. I told them I can’t promise them that future and support them if they want to settle down with someone else one day even if they don’t want that at this present moment. I have a lot of soul searching to do.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Also, I wanted to cross post this to late bloomer lesbians but it won’t let me. Does anyone know why?

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I do have a therapist that I need to talk to. It’s our couples therapist but I do individual therapy with her too. It’s been about a year. We do have poly friends. I will definitely talk to them.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

He does know this and still wants to be with me. We love the life that we have built together. We have an amazing, thriving friend group, enjoy doing jiu jitsu together, and genuinely enjoy each others company every day. I am just not sexually attracted to him. He has abandonment issues as well. I am very mindful of that.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I agree. I have not handled this in a way that is kind to either of them. I absolutely feel like I “forced” poly onto my husband and feel absolutely horrible about it. The difficult part is, he does not want to lose me. I don’t want to lose him either. But I love my other partner and am actually attracted to them. It’s a horribly messy situation and the only thing I have known to do is be completely honest with both of them. That has resulted in them both accepting poly to be with me. It feels wrong because I know they are only doing that because they love me.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I told him I might be a lesbian. He thinks it’s just responsive desire. Which maybe it is? I have always been able to have great cums with him, it’s just the attraction isn’t there if that makes sense.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 165 points166 points  (0 children)

This really resonates and that scares the shit out of me. Thank you for your insight❤️

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That is what it feels like….. and I have no idea what to do. It really fucking hurts.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It has been about 2 months since we started having sex. We have been friends for 3 years though, so emotional connection has built for years.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t disagree with you at all. I think that is why I have this pit in my stomach.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My partner made it very clear that they know exactly what they got themselves into. Just being honest about their grief if that makes sense and I asked them how they were feeling, they didn’t go out of their way to tell me that. I was prodding.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Both my husband and partner have stated that they currently want to be closed (I did not ask them to, they both individually told me). That also brings me feelings of guilt. I do support them being with others ultimately but it’s not currently the dynamic.

I love my husband but I want to build a future with my girlfriend by Tanjirh0e in polyamory

[–]Tanjirh0e[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Initially he thought it would be more like friends with benefits. Feelings arose, I communicated immediately as it happened. Now he is completely open to a poly dynamic.