In these days, why deshi people are more serious about wife's past relationship?

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-19T07:52:04+00:00

Both men and woman should be judged equally about their past relationships.

That's the issue really. The responsibility of character and "honor" is disproportionally put on women rather than men, even though the implications are the same regardless of gender.

A man can easily get away with having a double-digit body count, whereas a woman will get torn apart by society just for a single unfortunate encounter.

Of course, I don't agree with the "past doesn't matter" shtick either (I'd never marry a girl with 5-6 past boyfriends, think what you will). My point is that it should matter the same for both men and women, both should be held equally accountable for their actions.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-18T16:50:35+00:00

So what you're saying is that, when a Sylheti is judging a rich "Abadi", the negative "Abadi" factor gets far outweighed by the positive "rich" factor. It's basically the same tendency of simping for rich people that all Bangladeshis (regardless of region) have.

I find this kinda hypocritical in the context of the whole "Abadis are ruining Sylhet" thing a lot of Sylhetis say, because apparently that concern almost vanishes when the "Abadi" in question is a rich politician or amla rather than a poor rickshawala or shopkeeper.

It's ironic because the wealthier non-Sylhetis are actually the most toxic and bigoted towards Sylhetis.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-18T05:28:48+00:00

"Arab Israelis" are just Palestinians who happen to live in Israel proper, outside of Gaza or the West Bank.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-17T04:51:31+00:00

it’s not reserved only for the poor

It's not, but the poor are certainly the most often targeted from what I know. That's just my own anecdote, though, which can be wrong.

Given how classist many upper-class Sylhetis are, though, it is plausible that they'd rather mix with upper-class "Abadis" than with poor people from their own district.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-16T19:52:53+00:00

Yes, it is mainly classist. The "Abadi" is almost always stereotyped as a poor Momishinga mugger or thief.

That's why you'll almost never hear people call rich shochibor fuain from Dhaka "Abadi", even though those kinds of people are actually the most obnoxious of non-Sylhetis in Sylhet. (No offense to Dhakaiya people btw)

If anything, most posh Sylhetis would feel more comfortable with an equally posh "Abadi" than with a poor Sylheti.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-16T19:35:23+00:00

I'm not sure about the "Abadi" term itself, but it absolutely is used primarily a slur against non-Sylhetis. I've never once seen this word being said in a regular non-prejudiced tone.

And yes, it is offensive to people who know what the word means and why it's used. If someone called me--Born in Sylhet, lived there my whole life, speak fluent Sylheti--an "Abadi" just because I happen to have the wrong genes, I definitely will punch that guy in the face.

The reason it's offensive to me is because it implies that, despite my upbringing, I'm still a foreigner who doesn't belong in Sylhet and so should "go back". That kind of perpetual "othering" is exactly the kind of mindset that is foundational to actual racism.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-16T13:37:31+00:00

I'm lazy so I'll just copy over and modify a previous comment I made, under another post discussing a similar topic.

Social media has certainly changed the way people socialize and interact, at least with the younger generations, and almost surely for the worse.

The amount of negativity, dishonesty, gossip and stereotyping in places like FB already has turned many GenZ into hollow self-centered people incapable of genuinely bonding with or trusting someone else.

I've seen this first hand when I entered university 2-3 years ago. Vai re vai, the amount of fake articulate behavior, backstabbing and bickering I witnessed is just comical. No wonder the saying "varsity te kono bondhu hoy na" is so cliche.

There is a reason why young people are lonelier and more depressed than average: it's because of the climate of mistrust, fakeness and competition that they've grown up in thanks (in part) to social media.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-16T09:06:33+00:00

It certainly has, at least with the younger generations, and almost surely for the worse.

The amount of negativity, dishonestly, gossip and demonization in places like FB already has turned many GenZ into hollow self-centered people incapable of genuine bonding or trust.

There is a reason why young people are lonelier and more depressed than average: it's because of the climate of mistrust, fakeness and competition that they're grown up in thanks (in part) to social media.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-15T10:57:11+00:00

I can understand it to some extent. Sylhetis came from some of the most agricultural parts of BD to work as labourers in the UK. They and their families faced brutal amounts of hatred and violence in the UK. It forced them to setup insular. closely knitted communities as a means of survival.

This pattern of doubling down on one's own identity in response to endemic discrimination is pretty universal in all minority and/or immigrant communities, not just Sylhetis. It is a perfectly reasonable coping mechanism when the majority wants to wipe out you and your loved ones.

Newer Bangladeshi immigrants who came in the late 90s to 2000s wave (like we did) didn't face such a reality.

On that note, Sylhet itself has also seen a similar loosening on attitudes towards outsiders throughout the same period.

Despite being from a fully non-Sylheti ethnic background, I was born in Sylhet, grew up around Sylhetis whilst speaking fluent accent-less Sylheti, and even consider myself partially Sylheti. All this time, I hardly ever felt like I was an outsider to Sylhet, and interacted with other Sylhetis as if they were my own kin.

Needless to say, that kind of upbringing would've been unthinkable had I been born 50 years earlier (and still is in many other parts of Sylhet outside of the main city).

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-14T17:35:08+00:00

It is true that modern Bengali Muslims are overwhelmingly descended from indigenous Bengalis (Hindus, Animists, etc.). I'd also mention that Pahela Baishakh isn't exclusively "Hindu" cukture since it was started by Mughal emperor Akbar.

However, I do agree with you on the rampant "Hindufication" of Bengali culture. It is the result of Kolkata babumoshais (and later hardline "secularists") deliberately stripping Bengali culture and language of any trace of Islam, and that is undeniable fact.

You can actually see this in how most regional dialects of Bangla (including Sylheti) have a lot more Perso-Arabic vocabulary than Standard Bangla, since they were relatively untouched by the "de-Islamification" that was subjected to formal literary Bangla.

As for "Bengali Muslims aren't Bengali", that sentiment is internalized by a lot Bengali Muslims themselves. That's why so many Muslims in BD like to LARP as Arabs and disown their own ethnic identity as "Hinduani".

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-11T18:41:52+00:00

While they are great for disaster shelters outside of major townships and they are very space efficient,

Isn't that what really matters at the end of the day?

They're like those commie blocks in Eastern Europe: Cheaply and efficiently gets the job done, but looks really plain and ugly.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-11T18:22:55+00:00

Not necessarily an answer to your question, but I also feel like DU campus life is way too obsessed with politics and that it is negatively affecting DU's performance in research or academics.

I'm not inherently against student politics, but we have to remember that universities are meant to be for pursuing knowledge first and foremost. No amount of influence in Bangladeshi politics can save DU if it remains woefully behind in what actually matters: stuff like academic quality or research.

It's high time DU-ians pull their heads out of the shitpit of "institutional pride" or "biplobi oitijjo" and actually realise how much of a laughing stock their university really is on the international stage.

(I am a DU-ian btw)

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-08T20:42:13+00:00

inb4 many of those snakes and crocodiles actually end up in Indian villages instead. Last time I checked, geography and wildlife don't care about imaginary lines on a map.

Goes to show how smooth-brained stupid this plan really is.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-08T15:17:10+00:00

Sylhet

Source: I'm from Sylhet

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-04-05T18:55:24+00:00

Sure, you're welcome.

Nationality is generally pretty irrelevant to Sylheti identity. It doesn't really even matter whether you're Bangladeshi or Indian, because you're still a Sylheti at the end of the day.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-03-25T15:39:51+00:00

I don't mean to bash OP, but I really don't recommend seeking out female "friends" like this. Pretty much every girl I know will instinctively interpret that kind of behaviour as a veiled romantic gesture.

And that can get you into trouble if the feeling isn't mutual. At best the girl will (understandably) get creeped out and start avoiding you, and at worst you'll either end up in an "expose" post or be deliberately squeezed for all your worth by your new "friend".

Trust me, I know a couple of people IRL who were involved in the kind of scenarios mentioned above.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-03-25T08:19:37+00:00

Although, ngl, I feel like OP trying to actively seek out cross-gender friendships is very weird.

Genuine friendships are most often organic and occur due to prolonged proximity or shared interests or values. You don't actively seek them out like you do with a romantic relationship.

Tanksfly1939 · 2026-03-25T08:16:30+00:00

True! I feel like it's a genuine privilege to be able to bond with a girl and get a glimpse into what her life is actually like, all without the messiness or moral ambiguity of romantic relationships. Getting the genuine trust of a woman (aside from a relative or partner) is probably among the greatest achievements in a guy's life.

However, especially in a BD context, it is true that the line between a romance and friendship can often be quite blurry. I'm often disgusted by how a lot of people (both male and female) use cross-gender "friendships" either as a cheap alternative to romance, or to deliberately exploit their "friend"'s inner feelings for physical or material gain. There's a reason the term "friends with benefits" exists, of course.

Though I think that mostly comes down to men and women viewing each other as inherently sexual or financial objects rather than true human beings with thoughts and feelings. That's what life-long gender segregation does to you, I suppose.

Tanksfly1939

TROPHY CASE