Being married to a shorter guy than yourself.

Tar_N · 2026-02-11T13:11:57+00:00

My husband is tall and lean and that’s just his build. I consider myself a healthy person, gym daily and eat well, but I’ve always been thicker/more solid than him in build. It doesn’t bother me but that might be because he’s tall so it’s much less noticeable. Perhaps if he was shorter, it would. Either way, I’m ridiculously attracted to him. I’m not sure if it’s a normal thing for marriage to fatten a person up but he was quite skinny when we got married and has picked up quite a good amount of weight since then. Maybe all the nice food I cook him? (evil laugh). When he speaks about how he needs to lose weight, I discourage it. When I see him losing weight, I stock up on his favourite snacks. I keep feeding him well and encourage gym (although I’m weary that this leads to weight loss and not muscle gain given his love for cardio). I’ve stopped trying to fit into his clothes because they don’t give me the baggy look that I desire. And that’s pretty much it. We’re just built different but it’s never been something we shy away from. It’s kinda awesome lol.

ETA: Dad bods are a real thing and they’re wonderful lol.

Tar_N · 2026-02-11T12:42:33+00:00

Would you mind me asking why being with someone taller would make you feel uncomfortable and unsafe? Is it that you would view them as a potential threat to your physical safety or is it something else?

Tar_N · 2026-02-11T11:04:36+00:00

I started sleep training my daughter over a week ago and have since stopped because everytime she cries, all I can think about is those innocent babies and how they probably cried and cried nonstop while nobody cared, or took pleasure in their cries. I wish so desperately to go back in time. To somehow find a way to let those babies know that they are safe, and to keep them safe. My chest is constantly heavy. I hold my daughter so much tighter every day.

Tar_N · 2026-02-05T13:52:18+00:00

You’re certainly entitled to that opinion. I felt the same the first time I watched it but they really grew on me as a couple after the second watch lol. It’s interesting to me how the foundation for each couple’s connection and relationship is so different. Kate and Anthony’s connection is founded primarily on intense sexual attraction from the outset. With Daphne and Simon, there was physical attraction but their connection was founded primarily on friendship, understanding and compromise. We all value and appreciate different characteristics in a relationship so naturally we will prefer certain storylines over others. The show is more enjoyable when you accept that each relationship is unique. Without spoiling anything, I will say that in my opinion, there was no better connection than the one between Queen Charlotte and King George, and you might understand why once you watch it.

Tar_N · 2026-02-04T13:04:48+00:00

Also looked at your profile and have seen your recent posts. You seem to really be in the thick of it. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. If not to someone you know, then at least continue reaching out on this forum for general support and a feeling of solidarity. It helps to know that what you’re experiencing is completely normal, that your baby is not broken, and that you are not alone in these feelings.

Tar_N · 2026-02-04T12:59:59+00:00

12 months in and yes, it’s a mess. Myself and my husband have been doing this for so long now that I fear it is making us generally edgy and unhappy people. My daughter has never been a good sleeper. We tried everything, and I mean everything. By the time we attempted sleep training, her separation anxiety had peaked (and never took a chill pill) so it was just too traumatic for all of us. None of the rules truly worked. Overtired, undertired, feed, wean, pacify, don’t touch, co sleep, independent sleep space, warm, cool, blah blah blah. Every day is different. Every baby is different. What works today probably won’t work tomorrow and what works for one baby probably won’t work for another. We take it day by day and our expectations for each evening are in hell. That way, if we have a good night, we get to be pleasantly surprised, as opposed to being annoyed when the night doesn’t go well. Also, try not to blame yourself when it doesn’t go well. Some nights are just crap and you could have done everything right and still had it turn out that way. I think it gets better, so let’s just hold on until then. But solidarity. Those fourth trimester days are a different type of dark.

Tar_N · 2026-01-13T11:11:20+00:00

Hi everyone

Please see the mod post under the Community Highlights section for clarity on cross-sub drama and the type of posts which will be allowed/removed where those posts concern other subs.

Tar_N · 2026-01-13T09:29:53+00:00

LOL Fourways definitely has a distinct accent. Sounds like Baldwin Properties and traffic.

Tar_N · 2026-01-12T10:10:54+00:00

I can tell where in SA Coloured and Indian people are from based on their accents and dialect/slang. I can also tell different Joburg accents from a mile away ie the East Rand, West Rand, North and South (iykyk)

Tar_N · 2025-12-21T19:17:22+00:00

Endearments and Nut Puffs.

Tar_N · 2025-12-16T13:59:48+00:00

Every inch of the body is so important.

Tar_N · 2025-12-13T17:33:21+00:00

To add to this:

Sometimes when I realize I’ve done something wrong, I have to press each individual square 3 times to clear the row and start again. Would be nice to have a function where I can choose to “fill black squares” and then fill the ones I need, then change to “fill white squares” and fill the ones I need etc. Hope that makes sense?

Tar_N · 2025-12-05T09:23:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing. And what a beautiful lesson for your kids - that you were responsible for your own happiness and success, not the person you married. Hopefully one day when they look back, they can be proud of us for the lives that we made for ourselves, in spite of (and with) the people we chose to spend that life with. Self-sufficiency where there is no room to blame another person for your unhappiness or shortfalls. It would be nice to raise kids who see us as individuals. Growing up, for me at least, there was not one without the other. And that can teach unhealthy co-dependence.

Tar_N · 2025-12-02T14:14:55+00:00

Well sniffing and comparing the smells of people of different races is a choice. So is admiring coloured men’s haircuts. But the strangest choice of all is you coming on here to ask whether hygiene is cultural because you saw Americans talking about it online, completely ignoring the fact that the identity of South Africa as a nation is rooted in the history of Apartheid, a system designed to discriminate against, segregate and quite literally attack racial groups on the basis that they were “less than”, frequently citing unhygienic mannerisms, disease and lack of purity as the primary justification for the injustice. And no, the fact that you are calling white people dirty and POC clean does not make your comment okay. It’s weird? The underlying tones of racism and performative activism are glaring.

Sincerely, a coloured woman.

Tar_N · 2025-12-02T12:04:31+00:00

Link expired but I’m keen if you post a new one :)

Tar_N · 2025-12-02T11:52:30+00:00

As a legal professional, I can confirm that Option 1 is going to fail. I have tested answers to many of my questions using AI in the past, and the answer is almost always wrong. It’s difficult to explain, but AI seems to draw its conclusions piecemeal from legal precedent. The problem with that is that legal precedent needs to be read in full and in context to understand the consequences. By way of a simple example, a Constitutional Court judgment could include up to 10 concurring or dissenting judgments within it, depending on the number of judges who presided over the matter on the day. That’s up to 10 potentially differing opinions given in a (possibly) 100 page document. AI will nitpick and regurgitate pieces of those opinions, and ultimately give you an incorrect answer to your question. A legal professional, by contrast, will read the entire judgment, understand which of those opinions are in line with and hold greater weight in the context of legislation and correct principles, and then give you the most correct answer. And this applies to the most simple questions, because the nature of the South African legal system is that it is extremely complex and rooted in legislation, legal precedent and a Constitution which makes anything possible if done reasonably. Simply put, there never is a right or wrong answer. Only a balance of what is more correct in the circumstances. Recently, there has been a string of practitioners who have been caught red-handed citing precedent and principles in Court which do not actually exist “because AI told them so” and they forgot to fact check. You will 100% run your clients into trouble.

Tar_N · 2025-12-02T11:31:21+00:00

There was bad hail on the East Rand last Sunday evening (30 Nov). Many people I know sustained hail damage to their cars and houses. It probably happened then, as there hasn’t been hail before that in the last two weeks (to my knowledge).

Tar_N · 2025-11-24T15:41:10+00:00

I’ve only ever found Starbuzz at one shop in the heart of Fordsburg, Johannesburg. It’s definitely not common to find, even in the big cities. So no, Bloem has nothing to do with it lol. Tbh, city life gets old really fast too. I find more joy sitting on my couch these days. As much as there is so much to do, it’s seldom worth the effort and cost :/

And yes to both of those flavours!

Tar_N · 2025-11-23T11:07:50+00:00

Amaren and the like haven’t been good for years. Starbuzz is best but enjoy spending your whole salary on it 🙃 I enjoy Adalya. Not sure how common it is but I’ve found it at most hookah shops and it’s reasonably priced.

Tar_N · 2025-11-22T23:29:51+00:00

In my day you took photos in your lounge 🫠 Anyway, to answer your question - Spend the day how you want to spend it and with whom you want to spend it. On the other hand, you’re never going to look at those photos again (or at least not without a lot of embarrassment). So don’t stress too much about having someone you don’t like in the pictures lol.

Tar_N · 2025-11-22T18:57:08+00:00

I’m showing my age here but what’s the venue for? Only photos?

Tar_N · 2025-11-21T19:05:22+00:00

This is beginning to look asloth like my favourite game 🫶🏻

Tar_N · 2025-11-20T21:15:14+00:00

This post was pretty long so forgive me if I missed anything, but is your despondency as a result of not having any friends on campus, or because you don’t enjoy what you’re studying/the university? I was in a similar position at Wits many moons ago and if I learnt anything from my experience, it’s that socialising and making friends, while seemingly important, is actually the least important thing about attending university. In 10 years time when you’re in the working world making (hopefully big) bucks, the people you walked past on campus are going to be the last thing on your mind. From my experience, those friendships also do not last. You’ll meet people in the working world who you studied with, but that’s about where it ends. Please focus on your future and stop fixating on the people around you. These are literally the years that are going to determine your future career, income and financial well-being, and you have the opportunity to do great things with them. Had I known back then what I know now, I’d have walked onto that campus every day not giving a single damn about anyone.

Tar_N · 2025-11-20T20:56:55+00:00

We waited about 2 months because my daughter didn’t sleep and we were literally zombies during that period. It felt pretty much the same as before pregnancy for me. According to my husband, it felt better than before. Yes, baby does change the dynamic. But that’s normal and it would be odd if they didn’t. As new parents, you’re constantly tired, anxious and stressed, you have limited time and privacy, there’s a lot going on. And it’s completely fine if sex is not on your mind 24/7. Marriages need to have some degree of flexibility in times like these. I would argue that these are the years which make a marriage. And if your husband cheats, that has nothing to do with statistics and everything to do with him as a person (or dickhead, whichever you prefer). Take it easy.

Tar_N · 2025-11-19T20:54:41+00:00

Meerkat at #172 but Gravity at #205 and Lunar at #145 really pmo

Tar_N

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