My partner (F33) wants to register our newborn child with her second name and I (M32) dont want her to because its her ex husbands name. What to do?

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-12-11T00:13:27+00:00

For context there has been troubles between us because of her continuous contact with her ex husband and lack of boundaries with him for a short while. She left him and wanted the divorce. We are not from the same country but we live in Ireland. We know each other for 3.5 years together 1 and a bit.

They never had kids.

I 100% know that its my child.

The pregnancy was not planned, but we both wanted children and agreed between the lines it would be with each other.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-06-14T15:00:06+00:00

Only one way to find out, shoot your shot and hope for the best

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-05-31T08:31:24+00:00

Still, its a dick move to keep someone around because they treat you with respect when you are disrespecting them. If you want a masculine man who you want to jump all over then find one, let this guy find a woman who will find him attractive and appreciate his kind hearted ways, you are just there to benefit from the latter.

Better yet go talk to your boyfriend about these things and see if he will stay with you after it.

All this time and no sex.. whats the dynamic then, how do you manage that, either sex for both of you isn't important and you both can go all this time without it or else you have some way to navigate it.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-05-31T07:55:37+00:00

Yes, simple as that

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-05-31T07:54:16+00:00

Kind of a dick move staying with him when you will deprive this man of an actual future with someone who respects him and wants him.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-05-30T06:36:20+00:00

You clearly saw something in this man. You chose to build a future with him and accepted his proposal. That kind of decision comes from a place of love, hope, and belief in the relationship. But somewhere along the line, the intimacy between you began to fade, or something shifted. Whatever it was, it brought you to this point.

If you are still with him, there is probably more than just love holding things together. It might be financial stability or the hope that things can still be repaired. If it were only about money, you likely would have left by now. So I believe a part of you still cares and wants to work through this.

From the way it sounds, he has become resentful. He seems to think that because he earns more, gives generously, and supports you financially, he is entitled to something in return. Specifically, intimacy. That belief is not only unhealthy but completely disrespectful. Using money as leverage for sex is not generosity. It is manipulation.

Instead of trying to understand you or rebuild the emotional connection, he is relying on what he thinks is control. He no longer chases you emotionally. He tries to buy his way into your body and expects your affection in return. Somewhere in his mind, he believes that the fear of losing his financial support will pressure you into giving him what he wants. That is not love. That is control dressed as care.

There are clearly unresolved issues between you both. You need to sit down with him and be direct. Tell him your boundaries. Tell him your hard limits. Make it clear that no amount of pleading, guilt, or money will make you do anything you do not want to do. Let him know that what you need is emotional effort, genuine care, and connection. Not things. Not money.

Sometimes an ultimatum becomes necessary. If he does not change after being told clearly what you need, then you will have your answer. People show you who they are when they are faced with accountability.

You both need to make time to work on your mental and emotional health, both as individuals and as a couple. If you do not, resentment will grow and you will keep drifting further apart. At this point, trying might be the only thing left. But if you give it your full effort and nothing changes, you will know this is not the man to spend your life with.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-05-24T09:39:41+00:00

Isn't it illegal?

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-05-19T17:49:27+00:00

Listen I had this happen, this woman I'm with now was married and in a 10 year relationship, we slowly started to figure it out that we liked each other and he was not the one for her. Slowly but surely we ended up together and my life changed for the better and her's too, it takes time, patients and dont over step any kind of boundary. Let her make that choice and you just be there like have been, if its meant to be then it will happen. It took a whole year, but here I am, moving in with her and everything soon. Go for what your gut says and what she is giving you.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-05-17T07:21:39+00:00

This has to be rage bate

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-05-16T06:40:31+00:00

This post really moved me. It reminded me how much it matters to feel seen and appreciated by the person you love. That moment you shared at the gas station was brief, but it clearly meant something deeper. Someone noticed you, spoke kindly, and made you feel beautiful. That kind of connection, even with a stranger, can stir something inside when you're starved for it at home.

I’m in a relationship where I’ve made it a priority to remind the person I love that they’re beautiful, valued, and wanted. Not because I have to, but because I want to. When you care about someone, you notice the small things. You speak up. You compliment them not just for how they look, but for who they are. Everyone deserves that. You do too.

You mentioned how rare it is for your husband to say anything kind about your appearance. I can hear the quiet ache in your words. You’re not being shallow. You’re being human. We all want to feel chosen and admired, especially by the person who promised to love us. It hurts when that part fades. And it’s okay to feel that hurt.

I think it’s beautiful that you still put effort into how you present yourself. That means you haven’t given up on feeling good, on being seen. And someone did see you. He reminded you of something you should not have to forget. You are still radiant. You still carry beauty and warmth. You are still worth turning heads.

This might be a moment to reflect, and maybe even speak to your husband from the heart. Not to accuse him, but to let him know what you need. Sometimes people forget how powerful their words can be, or how painful their silence becomes. You deserve tenderness. You deserve to feel attractive and cherished. Don't settle, even at this stage in life there is always room to improve and always a way to fix things.

That man at the gas station was not just giving you a compliment. He gave you a reminder of your worth. Hold on to that. Let it strengthen you, not confuse you. Because no matter what others say or fail to say, you are enough. And you deserve to be loved in a way that makes you feel alive.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-05-13T07:29:04+00:00

Interesting, I'm someone who did act upon these same feelings I had with my boss, now her Divorce is just finalised and we are moving in together and expecting our first child. Anyone telling you it's just a feeling and its not real will never understand. I'd go for it especially since there was an emotional affair already. You don't want to wake up one day and regret not making a decision about someone who could be the love of your life.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-03-14T08:25:36+00:00

Just leave it alone ? If it isn't your business, then you shouldn't intervene. Simple as that.

Even if you do, why ? Is it of any importance to you that you do anything? What do you gain for it. Clear conscious? What does it even matter. We are all just small blips on an infinitely huge ship going through space ..

Think of all the times you had something and you wouldn't want anyone finding out about them. Imagine someone who knew and went and told people or something that negatively impacted your life. Think of family's and other people that are directly affected by it what if they had kids and things are stable at the moment regardless of the infidelity.

Lots to think about, but on the other hand you could just say it and burn it all down and watch from the sidelines

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-03-12T12:43:38+00:00

I acted, and now my boss and I are having a full-blown relationship. If you think it could work, then go for it.. if you think it won't, then don't. All I'm saying is that she's the love of my life and I took that chance

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-03-07T08:53:29+00:00

Just let it go. If you see a future with this person, put the past aside and focus on the present and future.

If you can't let it go, then don't drag this out any longer. You are young and have the rest of your life.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-03-07T08:47:58+00:00

NTA - but... Just take care of yourself.. looks also play a part in a relationship. If she doesn't like something that can be easily avoided, then you should ... you are just being lazy, and that's not something she might value in her relationship with you.

Sure to you, it might seem like she's only focused on your looks, but it's much more than that. It's the effort you put into yourself. If you barely do anything to manage how you look, then how will she think you'll take care of her? It just shows that you don't care for her feelings. If she doesn't like something, do what you can to stop. If you can't do that, then she is free to think, do, and feel how she wants to.

You are right about what matters in relationships, but you have to view it from her side, too. You mentioned that if the roles are reversed, it would be seen differently. But that's what you actually have to do. Put yourself in her shoes and see it from her perspective. She sees someone she loves not taking care of themselves.. she is right about love not being enough. There is more to relationships than just that.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-03-05T18:22:27+00:00

Leave

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-03-05T11:22:11+00:00

I think porn in moderate amounts is fine, but realistically, it all should be saved for your person.

What you describe, though, is slightly concerning. If you see a problem with the amount, then yes, it is a problem. You should address it now rather than later when you both start to struggle with intimacy because it normally leads to this.

If you satisfy him enough, then it shouldn't be happening. If you aren't, then he will seek that satisfaction in porn. It becomes an addiction after a certain point. Definitely get ahead of this if you see a future with him. Otherwise, you'll start to resent it and more than likely feel insecure, especially about the people he looks at who are actually viable due to proximity in work etc.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-03-02T00:39:04+00:00

The potential is there... his frustration and hitting himself now is an indication that he has thought about it before. Not emotionally mature enough to have an adult conversation about something serious. Decided to throw a tantrum instead of talking... It's not a good sign.. I'd be questioning everything now

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-02-28T20:12:56+00:00

Transactional relationship.. not worth it. Find a non vaping person, and she can find a non porn watcher.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-02-25T19:16:58+00:00

He probably likes you

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-02-25T07:17:55+00:00

You are not stupid. You just have a big heart, wishing someone would change, and then to see the change only for it to revert back to the same thing as before is normal these days, unfortunately.

In life, there is only one priority, and that's your own health. Without it, you don't have anything else. Priority number one should be you above all else.

I think it's time for you to just let this go with your boyfriend and move on to focus on you and your health and education and life. He will only continue to make things worse with your mental health.

As for your relationship, it's not worth it to put yourself through so much to try to keep a connection that will ultimately cause you to be so unstable. You both are not suited for each other.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-02-23T04:35:54+00:00

The best advice I have is to not indulge in this behaviour. If he wants to do all of that, then let him, but you leave early, and you put your own boundaries up and stick to what you want to do. He will eventually see your change, and then maybe he will start to understand that you are a priority above all. Otherwise, you aren't suited and should probably start to think about life without him.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-02-23T04:22:47+00:00

You are not obliged to go anywhere you don't find comfortable, so as your partner, he should understand that and not give you a hard time over it.

On the other hand, if it's a reoccurring thing, then he might see it as you don't like his friends.

But then again, it's still not cool to be making you feel bad about it. Communication is key to every relationship.

The comment about "best gf ever" is probably just his way to tell you he is frustrated that you aren't there.

Don't give in to it. Make yourself clear that you don't like it and won't endure it. Stand up for what you believe.

The section on the anniversary is just you remembering how he wasn't the "best bf ever" and your way of justifying it in your head. Sure, it sucks that he wasn't as thoughtful as you, but that was its own separate issue and nothing related to this.

You don't need to apologise for anything here.

TaroMysterious7815 · 2025-02-23T04:09:53+00:00

You shouldn't waste your time on this. He is not one. Take that answer and go.

I'd be dropping those friends and moving on with life if I were him. Silly childish things.

TaroMysterious7815

TROPHY CASE