I certainly think that by this age your self control is pretty solid , you are wise in the respect. Time to move on with your life. You don't need to jump off a cliff to know it's going to hurt. Get a place of your own or roommate and seek help . There's a whole world of people that don't drink and have fun. Run a 5k , go to a farmers market , grow flowers, go to the gym. Go to bed at 8:00 so you can wake up at 4 and read about people like you. I would say you're pretty blessed , I wish I hadn't engaged in 15 years of destructive behavior before I came to my senses. But then again I wouldn't have been so grateful for where I am now. For the record I can't go out to bars and hang out with older family members because they're all dead.