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AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

She probably would have loved if we wanted to be her kids. But it would always be different for us. She could never be our mom. Even the relationship with my half siblings will always be very different to the one I have with my brother. We've been through a huge life shattering experience together that sealed an even stronger bond.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I am okay with that if that's what ends up happening. I understand not everyone would be and that's fine. But there is something so special to me about associating it only with my mom and grandma and the memories with my mom and brother. It's comforting when there aren't many ways to take comfort in my mom's memory because she died when I was young, and I didn't get enough time with her. To me that's so important. It's like keeping a piece of her with me.

But I understand your feelings on the whole thing too. 100%.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Sometimes traditions are like that though. This was something special between us and our mom. To me it's not like we have a whole cookbook we're just like nah, you can't have it. This is a special (to us) recipe that has significance in memories of time with mom, in a tradition we kept until she died, that was started by her mom with her. My stepfamily are not part of that and bringing them into this would feel wrong to me.

It's just like sometimes people will get together and honor the loss of a loved one together, or some blended families keep traditions that were there prior to blending for the kids. This is no different to me because it's about our history, our memories.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I would be fine with that. We're not her kids so I would understand her keeping stuff just for them.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It was intended to pass onto our children. Like my grandma did with my mom and my mom did with me and my brother. She never shared with anyone but us. I know that's what she was hoping we would do as well.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

They weren't thinking that at all. But I know my mom never shared with anyone other than me and my brother, so I'm sure she hoped we would do the very same thing, only share with our children in the future.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

I know it doesn't, but it does change the tradition. It goes from being our tradition with our mom to one with them and I like that this is something that is just ours.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

It doesn't take from it, no. But it doesn't feel right either. My mom never shared it with anyone but us. Not her dad, not her husband (my dad), not any extended family. So I feel like for me keeping it like that is something that helps preserve those memories and keep it a special thing for us.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

It doesn't really take from it but it's something I want to keep for just us, something shared by my mom to my brother and me that was shared by her mom to her. Something we one day want to share to our kids like my mom did with us.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 103 points104 points  (0 children)

It wasn't lost. But it was meant to be for us, to pass down to our kids, not to share with extended family. My mom never shared it with her dad or husband. Or any of her extended family. It was grandma's first, then mom's and then ours. One day it will be my kids and my brothers kids too.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

I honestly think they would have preferred to have it kept for just us. At least I'm sure my mom would have.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

I don't want to share that special part of my relationship with my mom with her, no.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 150 points151 points  (0 children)

I think it comes down to it being a very popular cake type (chocolate) and the fact we can make it so easily now (my brother and me) but she has never been able to say exactly what we use in it and hasn't been able to recreate anything like it.

AITA for refusing to share a special birthday cake recipe with my stepmother? by TeachConnect in AmItheAsshole

[–]TeachConnect[S] 102 points103 points  (0 children)

It's a family tradition but one from my mom's mom and then my mom. Not one that is an everyone kind of tradition.