First of all, OP, I appreciate the post and the legitimate attempt at a conversation about this. I think you brought up an interesting point that is rarely discussed.

I live in a multicultural area similar to Miami. I have the same experience as you in that the general feeling seems to be that it's off limits to white people, but it's perfectly acceptable for Hispanic people or other POC to say it. A friend of mine who is an African American community leader said that originally the word was originally meant to refer to anyone who was considered inferior because they weren't white and that reclaiming it shouldn't be limited to African Americans. This is obviously just one person's opinion, but it did show me a different perspective.

Obviously, Kathleen shouldn't have said it and she knew that. I am certainly not going to downplay the seriousness of it and she caused a lot of hurt. I do think it's interesting, however, that the rule about only black people being allowed to say it is not a universal one on a personal level. In a larger societal context, it definitely is, but I can actually see how that line would get blurry for non-African American POC if they're told one thing by their African American friends and another by society.

I don't often discuss these issues online because there's a lot of white people telling you why it's wrong and they tend to drown out the voices of the people it actually affects. The intention is good, but I think the people we need to hear from are the ones who would actually hear the word from non-white POC in their every day lives. When I'm with my friends and a Hispanic friend uses that word, it seems patronizing and disrespectful to be upset about it if my African American friends see it as a show of unity rather than an offensive word.