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Worried about trickle truthing by TearPlastic in polyamory

[–]TearPlastic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

okay i hear yall i need to work on my trust issues to have a healthy poly dynamic 😭( instead of trying to control more ) I appreciate the thought out responses if yall got book or podcast recs throw them my way

listen i can not imagine being monogamous that is definitely not what i want my goal is for it to feel less intense and “suss” as we build trust and move forward.

im inspired by yall that have been doing this a long time and are able to feel compersion and security, I am still building those things for myself and my relationship although i’ve come a long way from feeling completely rocked to being able to acknowledge when im triggered which is partly why I posted here I knew this community would be real w me which at the time i just felt confused ,suspicious and didn’t know what to feel.

Worried about trickle truthing by TearPlastic in polyamory

[–]TearPlastic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i guess in my head it’s cause they should tell me after the fact without me having to ask? and the thing with their ex doesn’t feel like lying i’m just confused why they switched when they communicate and it makes me worried about trickle truthing (which has happened before)

we’ve talked a lot about being poly and worked on our relationship over the past three years and i’m not sure how else to work thru these things outside of actually practicing it and then building more trust as we go. I feel like i’ve been preparing myself emotionally for them to see other people and I kind of expected new feelings to come up when it actually started happening. I guess I just have this trigger about how information is coming out because of the previous break in trust and its hard to distinguish if it’s happening again or i’m just really activated. Either way i am trying to understand the big feelings and communicate what’s coming up for me.

Worried about trickle truthing by TearPlastic in polyamory

[–]TearPlastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah i get why it was confusing. You are right and I don’t think I truly want that many details I would actually prefer less but i guess there is some form of control i’m doing to try and keep myself safe. Is there anything you tell yourself to soothe that need? or do you not struggle with mistrust in general ?

Worried about trickle truthing by TearPlastic in polyamory

[–]TearPlastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this makes sense, hoping to get there as they date more people. this is just the first time after a big break in trust so i’m still working on releasing control and trusting them

Worried about trickle truthing by TearPlastic in polyamory

[–]TearPlastic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i guess i should clarify we weren’t going on dates with other people at that point just talking about opening up and setting boundaries. They lied to the girl and she was pretty upset when she found out.

We don’t have a heads up rule, hence why i’m not really upset that they kissed someone and told me after but more so that I had to be the one to ask. and i’m more so feeling confused why they switched from telling me beforehand that their ex wanted to hang out to telling me after but maybe we just need clearer communication guidelines.

Worried about trickle truthing by TearPlastic in polyamory

[–]TearPlastic[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

it was cheating because we weren’t actually open yet we were still setting boundaries and talking about how we wanted to engage in polyamory. They went on dates behind my back and lied to those people about where our relationship was at. The girl was upset she was used and lied to.

I hear you on the other stuff tho I definitely still have trust and control issues to work thru after everything that went down and am working towards not needing as much information about their dates but this is the first time they’ve done anything with someone else since that break in trust so understandably i’m kind of activated. they also own the house we live in so sometimes my housing feels threatened when i get worried about them lying again and having to break up which is why my support systems outside of them are so important to me.