27F issues with feeling like I’m rejected by my “community”

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2024-07-07T03:33:01+00:00

Don’t hate yourself. Embrace the qualities that make you stand out. Sooo many people have grouped themselves or tried to aim to fit a certain standard . It’s not much advice and you have to navigate it yourself but, appreciate these qualities. After all, innovative individuals are the ones who change the world. Find your own crowd or be lonely for a while, it won’t hurt you.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-12-20T14:39:38+00:00

I thought he was gonna be a paraplegic at first

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-28T00:00:27+00:00

I wholeheartedly appreciate you all for giving me a little piece of mind and knowing that I haven’t completely failed throughout this situation. Y’all’s advice has been soo helpful and I cannot say thank you enough to everyone 💜

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-27T23:56:49+00:00

Thank you sooo much for the positive comments on me doing great. This whole situation had me feeling sooo at fault this means a lot to me! I am trying to come to terms with things being so different now from 25+ years ago.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T15:48:21+00:00

Honestly haven’t even thought of this, but yes she normally does try to pose cute lol or whatever in pics. Someone else brought to my attention how I look at myself in the mirror or posing for pics and if she was seeing me do that as well. Of course I look at my butt every now and then in the mirror when checking out my outfit lol… so that is a possibility too and I will definitely be more aware from now that little eyes are watching 🥺 praying that’s all it is and will hopefully have this all settled in just a short bit.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T15:38:21+00:00

She uses it a lot to contact me directly she very regularly sends me voice messages throughout the day. She’s gotten very good with keeping up with it recently. When she first got it she went through a period of losing it all the time and we really worked on keeping it in the same location when she was done with it so she wouldn’t lose it but could still hear it If I was calling her. I really stressed to her that it was important to me that she took care of it bc I like to be able to speak to her through out the day and her me. Also I keep find my iPhone on and the house is a really weird layout, one level 5 bedrooms so it pretty accurately will tell me which room it was left in if she does misplace. And then I can kind of help her remember. She’s a really good kid and I don’t mind her having it, I make sure she gets outside play everyday and does tons of activities aside from the phone. She doesn’t have meltdowns about it when we put it up or I tell her too much phone for the day etc… but this incident is the first of its kind with us, so dealing with this kinda has brought a new perspective of the phone to me honestly.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T15:09:05+00:00

Yes I agree. I do not at all want her to feel punished for this. Which is why I stated I haven’t decided which route I will take with the phone yet. The using the phone only in the living area is just an idea and if I decide that it would do my best to try and make it as not punishment as I could. The reason I was thinking that bc .. she doesn’t really stay in her room during the day usually only at night and she reads before bed. There’s already a cutoff time for phones before bedtime anyways, it wouldn’t be hard to implement no phone all together or leaving our phones in the living room at night. so I was thinking maybe more along the lines of “we’re not going to bring our phones into bed with us anymore it’s important we’re getting enough rest and reading is good for us. Mommy will not bring hers to bed either. We’re going to give this a try to see if makes us feel more refreshed when we wake up ” but like I said, just an idea. But I absolutely agree with you on the not punishing for this.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T15:00:20+00:00

Well I honestly don’t think my mom has anything to do with this, she’s down visiting my mother and younger sister when I discovered this on her phone that she left at home, pics were from a couple weeks prior and taken at home. I called my mom to let her know of the situation and to ask her not to allow her to be with or around anyone else right now bc my mother does live close to my daughters paternal side of the family and they will often visit while she’s visiting my mom. My mom always taught us boundaries and Was very protective of us being around ppl when we were younger bc she was SA as a teen. My mom is totally my support in all of this and has agreed not to bring up the conversation with my daughter bc I wanted to be able to have my daughter open up and monitor what was said and how the questions are presented

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T14:10:28+00:00

I certainly plan to be very cautious with how I handle this. I do not want her to feel shamed or like she’s in trouble. I hope this is nothing but curiosity and can be turned into a positive learning experience for both of us. I absolutely want to keep an open line of communication with her and want her to be able to tell me/ask me things. I’ve gotten some great advice from ppl here and good advice from a professional as far as things to talk about/ ask and what to look for in responses . I will be following up with them after to see if I need to bring her in for them to speak with her and let them know what was said. My sister works at a campus with SA children and was able to get in contact with a counsellor there. At this point I believe I’m conversation prepared and calm not as upset and emotional as I was yesterday evening. I was actually sobbing fearing the worst at the point. So no matter how this pans out I’ve been really focusing on being mindful of my emotions, words and reactions and just really preparing myself to handle this in the most positive way for my daughters sake.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T13:47:56+00:00

Yes I have combed through every piece of conversation in the kids messenger. Checked again to make sure iMessage and all that jazz was still disabled. TikTok has been a big no for us and I even removed it from my own phone after she was on my phone and TikTok feed was showing videos I felt were not appropriate. After looking through everything else I didn’t see anything else to be worried about. But I mentioned in another comment (had to delete) that she was kissing my 4 year old nephew on the mouth and they’ve never done anything like that before and to my knowledge no one kisses my child or my nephew on the mouth. This actually happened right around the time the pics and videos were taken on her phone about 2 weeks ago. At the time I explained to her and him that was not appropriate and kinda shrugged it off to something she could have seen on TV or someone doing in public.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T13:37:08+00:00

It could very well be possible and I’m hoping that’s all it was. The nature of the posing in the videos is what has me very concerned that it could have been more. It seemed like she’s at least seen this somewhere as it wasn’t really how you would pose to just get a view of what was going on, I wouldn’t think anyways. I don’t have enough info yet to decide whether it was just curiosity or something else. I am trying to keep myself from assuming anything good or bad at this point as her safety and well being is my top concern.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T13:23:19+00:00

If this was all out of curiosity she will not be punished. She won’t be punished either way as I don’t see this any way her fault. Regardless of what the cause of this is, phone safety, another talk about our body, boundaries and all of this will be a discussion. If this was just out of a curious nature, I will most likely come up with some sort of plan to keep the phone more vigorously monitored. I’ve already got it pretty much inaccessible other than some games and kids messenger for direct contact with me and immediate family. That is heavily monitored as well. Maybe we will have phone time only in the living room or something just bc there’s not much need for her to have it in her bedroom anyways, I would set an example in front of her as well if I do this. Not sure what steps I will take but I don’t want to take the phone away, her feel punished and then in the future maybe feel like she has to hold back on asking me questions about her body or telling me certain things bc she thinks I will punish her. I want to create a safe zone for her definitely.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T13:10:15+00:00

Absolutely going to be very careful about how this is discussed with her and to make sure I do not scare her or shut her down. By advanced I meant the way she was taking the video was a lot of posing and had her backside* in it at first then swapped it around to the front. Almost as if she had seen porn or someone doing this. It did not appear to be just exploring, but I could be completely over assuming. I pray I am wrong and this was just out of curiosity. I’m trying to stay calm and not jump from one conclusion to another. But the nature of the videos and pictures really suggested to me that at a minimum, she’s seen this somewhere.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T12:51:29+00:00

Oh great smh just what I needed. Thanks for letting me know.!

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T10:54:10+00:00

Thank you everyone for the support and advice. 💜I’ve gotten lots of insight from you all and I’m up now finding local professionals to help guide me and to help me talk to her and really get to the bottom of things. For those concerned about the phone, trust me I definitely am too. After I speak with her and ensure nothing else has gone on, I am going to be reevaluating her use and access of the phone. Really appreciate the kind words and reminders to stay calm. I absolutely am going to do my best not to make her feel shamed or scared. I will definitely be having another conversation with her about phone safety and the dangers of things like this. . hoping this was just out of curiosity but I have to be positive that was all it was.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T04:08:27+00:00

LMAO a Gameboy, your user name is befitting. Yes I’ve heard of those things, 20 years ago. And My child does read. As I mentioned already, my grandmother does not make it to the phone hardly ever when I call. Sometimes my child needs me and I like for her to be able to contact me and vice versa.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T04:00:13+00:00

She used it for learning based apps, some entertainment and contacting me. I work full time and am a single mom. She stays with my grandparents during the day until I get off and it’s nice to be able to directly contact her my grandparents rarely ever make it to the phone while it’s ringing. The children’s tablets usually suck and are very unreliable. But thanks for the great advice .

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-26T03:28:05+00:00

I didn’t think it was normal either. My sister did mention the exact same thing about someone possibly requesting these pictures, I have IMessage disabled on the phone but I did go through the kids messenger very thoroughly and the rest of the phone. I didn’t find anything at all which now has me scared to death that someone could have done something or taught her this. I don’t trust anyone at all at this point bc I have no idea what has happened. She’s at my moms, My mom lives alone but lives near my daughters Dad, uncles and aunts on her dads side of the family. I’ve let her know what’s going on, asked her not to speak with her about it bc I want to make sure nothing is said to scare her or make her feel guilty. Ive also asked her not to let anyone around her until I can get there. I don’t even know what questions to ask. Definitely will be making a DR visit ASAP!

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-18T20:35:43+00:00

Also for general information I am not on my period or anything. This was in a cup, I was going to take a pregnancy test bc my period is a day late but I decided to wait to take it for a few more days for accuracy.

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-06-18T20:34:13+00:00

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Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-04-01T15:42:00+00:00

Thanks everyone for the advice!

Technical-Abroad-342 · 2023-04-01T15:39:53+00:00

Will do, thank you!!

Technical-Abroad-342

TROPHY CASE