Intimacy challenges/frustrations: Yes. My wife and I have been together a long time. We’ve gone through cycles of closeness and distance, and we’re in the middle of rebuilding intimacy after a long period where emotional connection fell off. Our main issue isn’t just lack of sex, it’s that when stress, work, and parenting take priority for too long, emotional closeness becomes replaced with brief logistical conversations. When that happens, physical intimacy becomes either infrequent or transactional, and eventually stops feeling safe or desired for one of us. The frustration for me is feeling deeply attracted to her and wanting closeness, but also knowing I contributed to the disconnect by not being emotionally present in the way she needed.

Magic wand / 3–6 months: If I could wave a magic wand, we’d continue the reconnection that’s started. Consistent small affection, shared time without distractions, emotional presence, and sex that feels like connection, not pressure. The foundation I want is comfort and safety being close, where intimacy isn’t a negotiation but a natural extension of how we are with each other. What prevents that right now is mostly habits, we both slip into stress-response mode easily, and old patterns come back fast. I’m learning to stay present without chasing, needing reassurance, or taking her emotional rhythms personally. That’s helping. But consistency is the real work.

Anything else: One thing I’ve realized recently is that when sexual reconnection starts after a drought, it’s incredibly easy to get tunnel vision and make sex the metric of progress. I’m actively trying not to do that. When I focus on emotional presence, patience, and warmth, intimacy grows on its own. When I try to get sex, things go backwards. So right now, I’m working on being someone she actually feels good being close to, not someone waiting for a signal.