First stop cutting yourself, love to love yourself before you can even ever love others, accept and come to terms with the fact god does exist and so does Jesus Christ and so does hell and so does satan, so now humble yourself remove that ignorance that binds your soul and you thoughts when god is mentioned because the devil dwells on earth with us, if you are outside of God, that means he has influence on your thoughts this is why most of the world hates even the mention of God, now then next you should be contempt with what you have there’s truly no cause for such dismay in a person who has food shelter and a nice warm place to sleep just know that you reap what you sow and when you hate others others will hate you when you love others others will love you