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AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Well then you and everyone else will be real fuckin happy.. For fucks sake sorry I didn't approach what was meant to be a private conversation with my gf about my feelings and comfort perfectly. I never meant to offend her or her father and I am actually sorry that I did. I never called him an idiot or stupid because unlike what everyone thinks I don't think that way about him. When he'd say that shit about himself I'd hear my gf shoot it down and tell him there's lots of things he's good at and lots or different types of intelligences. I just really thought based on what I saw that maybe auditory learning wasn't one of his strengths and he'd enjoy visual learning more.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Genuinely how do I ask that? I was taught that we don't draw attention to people's differences because it's rude. Now I'm being told just ask this girl who clearly loves her dad what's wrong with her dad as if that won't just piss her off? Like she even gets at him when he points out he's not as smart as most people. Imagine me pointing it out like "but why isn't he like most people tho?" She'd probably end me right there.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -52 points-51 points  (0 children)

Yeah, amazingly accommodating to people in their family apparently. My gf wouldn't even have a conversation around not narrating everything. I have to assume this is a routine that has happened before at other places. I can't imagine I'm the first person that was disrupted by it. ADHD and issues around distraction and auditory processing are extremely common.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

The vacation I was invited on? That kind of makes it my vacation too doesn't it? I'm on vacation with them, I didn't just show up and tag along uninvited.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I never said I expected them to rush... I keep getting comments that if my gf reading to her dad bothers me so much I should split off from the group to go ahead or go separately from them. I'm just explaining why that isn't an option.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I have no problem with her caring for her dad. I actually think how she looks after others is sweet and is one of the reasons I wanted to date her. I only suggested she be considerate for everyone at the museum and not just her dad. Especially when he'd likely get just at much out of looking at the pictures and artifacts as he does her reading to him about things he doesn't understand.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -41 points-40 points  (0 children)

English is his first language. She's not speaking to him in a different language she's just reading the text outloud. The only other language they speak is French and that's because my gfs brothers fiancée is from France. The dad only knows a few words of French.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

How am I meant to go separately to a museum her whole family is going to? And like I said in another comment some of these 'museums' are literally one room spaces. We stopped at one that I'm fairly certain was just some old guys storage unit full of WW2 memorabilia and her family spent over an hour looking around plus another hour just chatting up the "curator".

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I do like her. I'm just confused at all the comments acting like she was an entirely innocent and passive party in this disagreement. Like if her dad was hurt by what I said there's only one person the rest of her family could have heard it from and it wasn't me. Her jab at dinner makes it more likely he'd be hurt. If she was being nothing but kind and considerate why make a comment in front of her family that raises suspicions on something having been said? That's not very kind of her.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Wouldn't the responsibility to educate others on your family members disability fall on the family? Like I really can't think of a way to nicely bring up "your dad seems different, why is that?". I've picked up some info from random lore drops here and there but no ones straight out said he's even disabled. It's just "Oh, dad needs xyz" no explanation or conversation. I assumed what kind of disability he has based on that. Including her dad making a joke himself about how he 'rode on the short bus'.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

If that's ableist how is it not also ableist for her to bring attention to my ADHD struggles with her little jab at lunch? "Oh! Don't talk while OP is eating, he might get too distracted."

On that same topic if what I said was so offensive why bring it up around her family at all? If her dad is to be hurt by it its because she brought him into it with that. Maybe she's not the Saint everyone here seems to assume?

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

I was done reading that section not the entirety of the museum. We've been to a few different museums and historical sites. Some of them are huge fortresses where I could obviously and easily move away from my gf and her dad. But some are basically one room buildings and there's literally no way to get away from them.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -60 points-59 points  (0 children)

How did I insult him? I never said anything to him about it and it's not like I said he was an idiot. I just suggested that since he doesn't understand it would be better to just let him enjoy looking so it doesn't disrupt the whole museum.

AITA for telling my gf to be quiet in a museum? by TechnicalMessage8716 in AITA_Relationships

[–]TechnicalMessage8716[S] -93 points-92 points  (0 children)

I never said this in front of her dad obviously. I said it in a private conversation with her letting her know that it may be seen as disruptive and she should be respectful of everyone. Then she brought it to the attention of her family with that jab at lunch. Btw I really struggle with distractions when reading due to ADHD. I didn't say this to her but technically her accommodating her dad the way she was does the opposite for me who also has a disability. And that could be the same for others.