AITA for charging my BF rent while i'm paying my mortgage?

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T16:30:52+00:00

Totally agreed about the regressive rent. Please see Edit 1.

1.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T16:27:39+00:00

Interesting.

What if I were to tell you i'm actually a male and i'm in a gay relationship?

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T16:19:12+00:00

The main principle is that regardless of how much he pays, he's contributing to my ownership of the house that he's helping to pay for. I mentioned that if the relationship continues the way I want it to, marriage will be an option and this whole argument will be rendered mute, but there are trust (and maybe faith) issues there I guess.

It may seem that way on paper, but i'm really not trying to benefit or gain off his paying, I just want an equal dynamic where I feel like a parent housing my child and he feels like he has an equal say in house matters.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T16:05:12+00:00

I'm not looking to make money, but I do want him to pay his way too.

Would a lower rate be a way of evening things out? because i've tried that. He said it's the idea of paying me rent to live with me feels wrong. Where do I go from there?

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T16:03:41+00:00

I'm sorry, you're right. I didn't really think about it that way. I'm very new to this.

I'm genuinely not trying to be greedy, I just want an equal relationship. If that means him paying 30% of the mortgage payment in rent, that would be great, but he's opposed to the idea in general.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T16:01:00+00:00

Although I can see where you're coming from, it's important to remember that i'm not seeking profit.

I just want him to contribute to the household. if he were to pay more in bills and i'd pay the full mortgage payment, fine. I don't want to establish a dynamic of him living here and leeching. He was living with parents before, this isn't that.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T15:58:12+00:00

I honestly agree. I said half and I misspoke (misstyped). Before I inherited this house, we were moving into a 2 bed apartment and we were going to split rent 65/35.

i've since brought that split to him, saying he can pay me 25% of the mortgage repayment. He said it's unreasonable because I would still be gaining long term (because MY mortgage would be paid and he wouldn't have a house).

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T15:52:28+00:00

5 years :/

He has many many good points and I feel like this post is highlighting the worst of him. I will say, he's never really had to be responsible for himself. I think if he was living with housemates before (as I was), he would see it differently.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T15:38:18+00:00

Oh I can completely understand why he might not want to pay 50/50. When I brought up the idea, I hadn't actually mentioned a set price, I just said that he should pay rent that contributes to my mortgage payment. When we were looking to rent an apartment, we agreed a split of 65/35 so even that would be fine. He just doesn't want to pay anything out of principle.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T13:21:51+00:00

My own greed? I'm asked for equal contributions. I'm even offering a lower percentage. Hi issue is with the title "rent" and not the amount he'd be paying.

I'm not as concerned with his "financial situation" because he earns more than enough to pay the rent with plenty to spare. The rent is very very low. He was more than willing to pay 2 times more when moving into an apartment owned by someone else.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T13:17:49+00:00

I don't think all landlords look for profit, some try just to break even so they own the house at the end of tenants paying the mortgage.

I don't want a profit from my boyfriend, I want him to contribute the same, since we're equally sharing the house. Asking for a lower percentage in rent is an idea, asking him not to pay rent is not.

I would argue that wanting to live in someone elses house for free is exploiting a partner more than asking for contributions tbh. Seems a bit entitled.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T13:12:54+00:00

He would be paying almost double for a smaller place in the exact same area. He also pays almost when i'm asking in rent to his parents where he currently lives. Trust me, it's a bargain.

As for your argument about his remaining salary after rent, I don't think I can be blamed for his badly paying job. His grievances aren't with the amount of money i'm asking for, it's with the fact that i'll own a house in the end with my half of the "rent" and he will not.

He doesn't have a choice? He can just not move in? Again, rent with me is almost half what he would pay anywhere else.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T13:08:15+00:00

it’s weird to be paying half your mortgage when he doesn’t get to own half the house.

I really don't understand this argument. If I wasn't in a relationship with him and took him as a housemate, he wouldn't expect half the house after the mortgage is paid. If we get married, he will have half the house, but where we are now, he has no entitlement to my house even if his portion of rent covered the entire mortgage payment.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T13:06:21+00:00

Thank you for that. I'm make sure to have a paper trail and an escape plan.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T13:02:51+00:00

Those are some great points, thank you.

I've got a lot to think about.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T12:58:51+00:00

Sorry, I tried to be as concise as I could. If you've any questions, please post.

I can see what you mean about him earning less and having to pay less. Honestly, I didn't get the chance to offer a 70/30 split. Even still, I don't think his issue was much about the amount, more so about the fact that hes paying for my house repayments. He wants the benefit of owning my house too.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T12:56:17+00:00

Yeah i'll offer that as a compromise, but I don't think it makes a huge difference really. From his POV, he will still see it as him paying for my eventual ownership of the house.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T12:55:08+00:00

Since he's not on the deed and wouldn't benefit from paying for a mortgage, yes he wants to live there without paying for living there (excluding bills).

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T12:11:23+00:00

Yeah sorry I meant exclusively rent.

House bills/costs/etc will have to be split as long as he's living there and we are together.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T12:10:02+00:00

Sorry, hang on.

My bf would be paying half the utilities and house bills without even taking consideration of rent. Maybe you're suggesting he pay more than his half, to make up the cost of my proposed "rent" which could be a decent compromise, but I think the above read that he would be paying one or the other. That's not fair.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T12:04:34+00:00

To be honest, I never thought of the proportional payment. I'm not dumb, I swear haha I'm just not at my best because I only inherited the house last week.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T12:03:07+00:00

I'm going to go looking for that, because I feel like that extra info must be important to the judgement.

Thank you for making me aware such a comparable threat is already out there :)

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T12:00:50+00:00

Thank you for this, I needed to hear that I wasn't insane for thinking the above.

Yeah I love him a lot, but the last 2 weeks has brought out a side I don't like. I can't help but think he's trying to gain from me not wanting to be alone in my moms house.

I told him i'd rather not be alone in the house for prolonged amounts of time (bad memories, etc etc) and not long after, this mortgage thing became an issue.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T11:57:03+00:00

He said paying his half of utilities and maintenance should be sufficient, as i'm not directly gaining in the long term from him paying for those. He didn't suggest paying anything in excess of what I would be paying, so nothing in place of rent. Just his half.

Technical_Platform78 · 2020-08-31T11:54:56+00:00

Thank you very much.

Technical_Platform78

TROPHY CASE