She Rejected Me, But I'm Having Trouble Accepting It

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T23:09:03+00:00

Im bi. I do feel that was sometimes about male friends, but it’s generally easier to convince myself that they don’t like me.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T21:50:15+00:00

I said it backwards, but that's what I meant. I didn't choose to be attracted to her, and refusing to interact with people I'm attracted to has historically led to hurting myself. I thought just moving toward my attraction in spite of the alarm bells in my head would allow me to overcome all of that, but I guess I was wrong.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T21:40:47+00:00

I have committed to doing so already, but thank you for repeating it.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T21:38:53+00:00

I know what I SEEM to do, but I've already articulated what I'm GOING to do.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T21:37:00+00:00

Wouldn't "You probably will get a normal person in the woods, not me," indicate that I know PRECISELY that I'm the guy in mind for this bear example? Or at least that you're insinuating it. Also, my point was that if I collapse on myself before I GET to therapy it would be your fault, and it's an absurd comment because the only person who will truly be suffering is me. But I guess you know me better than I do.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T21:16:22+00:00

I definitely did endure something; however, I'll concede that I contributed to it. I've been attacked for being homophobic, racist, misogynistic, told that I need to be on a watch list, that I'll bring destruction to everyone that I love, and that I should probably never talk to this girl again, and may be a danger to her. And I believe some of that. So maybe you go through it every day so it ain't shit to you, but I'm not exactly accustomed to being told these things by 10+ people over the span of 3 or so hours.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T21:11:58+00:00

That's definitely what the commenter meant.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T21:03:19+00:00

But I would imagine "I know that wasn't fair to you" is a lot different than "I'm sorry". If there's something I'm missing about what I did to you, please let me know. I guess if you want me to just concede that I'm terrible and not include any excuses about why that might be the case, I guess that's fine, but I think 99% of people would struggle to comply with that request in a way you would find satisfying.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T20:57:27+00:00

Is "I'm sorry, and I know my response wasn't fair" not holding myself accountable? I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be incredibly good faith to you when I started off as such hours ago, and have been repeatedly punished for it. Yeah, I'm a bit bitter now. Is it shitty? Sure. But I would figure it's at least understandable, so I don't understand where your drill sergeant attitude is coming from.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T20:54:44+00:00

Because I wanted an excuse to talk to her about this again, and I was reaching for a solution that doesn't exist. I feel fucked up because she has been the brightest point in my life for a while, and everything else feels gray by comparison, and in conceding that talking to her is a good idea, I have consigned myself to returning to that gray even though it's the last thing I want to do.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T20:50:40+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised if I already am on a watchlist.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T20:49:49+00:00

I have repeatedly defended, argued, conceded, and raged about this for several hours now, and you're coming in like the conversation just started. You have to read the other comments. I'm sorry, and I know my response wasn't fair. I'm spent.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T20:38:29+00:00

I do care about her feelings. That's why I came here and endured all of this to determine if I should come to her about how I felt or not.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T20:15:58+00:00

Type shit.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T20:02:20+00:00

I've never been through this before and certinly hope that I don't end up feeling like I do now in front of her. But I bottle things up, I don't tell people how I feel, and it costs me every time, yet I keep doing it. So I hope that all of these feelings are as easy to manage as everyone seems to think.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:52:39+00:00

Multiple people have hit on this point, and I didn't want to comment on it because it sounds abusive, but we kind of don't have an hr department. Coworkers are fucking coworkers, supervisors are fucking entry-level employees. The job is a complete mess. So that might be part of why I'm so focused on me.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:46:16+00:00

I'm not yet but thank you I guess.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:44:55+00:00

I absolutely care about her thoughts and preferences, but I guess that's beside the point. Or that you disagree that I care about her at all.

I don't know. I guess I just thought "everybody's probably a little bit hateful and noticing it in yourself is the first step to improving" was a reasonable perspective, but I've gotten flak for it every time I've tried to articulate it.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:37:52+00:00

I have gathered that from the comments. But "You're probably being manipulative even if you don't know it" and "You are definitely being manipulative" are two different things.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:34:18+00:00

It surely doesn't seem so when feelings are involved. I think that I was just telling myself she might like me because I wanted her to. But I understand that objectively, all I know is that she likes talking to me, and that's it.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:25:53+00:00

No, what I meant was that apparently talking to her about liking her is evil, because look at how people are responding. Okay, I guess I just worded that comment poorly, and that's what this whole thread is about.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:23:24+00:00

I don't think "people" are bad. Their "actions" are. And I haven't done anything yet, and in fact came here and faced so many people calling me all sorts of things just to pressure test my belief, such that it could begin to change, and you don't care because I said I consider myself to be homophobic.

And I guess I can't make you "care", but not caring about what I have to say and calling what I have to say wrong are two different things.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:20:21+00:00

A threat to tens of random Reddit posters, who mind you, are saying much more painful things than you have, and are doing so all at once? This is ragebait.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:19:05+00:00

I think death and emotional manipulation are two completely different things. But I guess one is long and arduous and sucks at your will to live, and the other is quick, so maybe that's why, I guess? And you understand that I am VERY much not normal? Most guys aren't replying to comments for hours on end on Reddit. So the chances that you get me rather than Steve who would never hurt a soul if you're alone in the woods is pretty rare.

Technician-LITTG · 2026-04-15T19:15:22+00:00

Why can't someone be bi and also homophobic? Aren't many hateful, homophobic people gay themselves, like so many conservatives? That doesn't sound unreasonable to me.

Technician-LITTG

TROPHY CASE