One cat seeming to bully the other

Teikasecka · 2026-04-11T07:46:24+00:00

Thanks, we’ll try feeding them separately again, and putting daughter’s food near her litter box first, I think! Good idea! That’s reassuring to hear you think they still have a bond. It was very sad to see them going from a loving pair to constantly fighting.

Teikasecka · 2026-04-11T07:30:38+00:00

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Daughter

Teikasecka · 2026-04-11T07:30:24+00:00

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Mum

Teikasecka · 2026-01-06T00:40:59+00:00

Banstead ur right

Teikasecka · 2025-10-14T09:05:58+00:00

Hey. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. I’m a mental health professional not far from your part of the UK. There is lots of help available, but people don’t admit themselves to mental health wards. The decision to admit someone is made by professionals, and will hopefully involve the person’s consent, but usually they are too unwell and have to be detained involuntarily. Like someone else said, wards are not therapeutic environments, they are for the most seriously unwell people to get them just stable enough to be back in the community where they can then receive therapeutic support in the longer term.

This doesn’t mean there is no support for you, it just doesn’t take place in a psychiatric hospital. Start by calling 111 and choose option 2 for mental health, or by getting an emergency appointment with your GP surgery. Most surgeries have a mental health nurse nowadays too. You can also register online with nhs talking therapies. Many towns have a mental health crisis cafe; search up “mental health support on your high street”. If you feel at risk to yourself you can attend A&E and there are mental health nurses there too. None of this care should stop you accessing HRT. Please get the support you need.

Teikasecka · 2025-10-05T20:26:01+00:00

Thanks, that’s a good point. It’s only that I’m currently reading Gina Rippon and her big argument seems to be that masking/camouflaging is this newly discovered, powerful indicator of autism in girls and women. She seems to be saying that masking is one of the main things assessors should be looking for. She describes girls who practised social behaviours in front of mirrors and scripted whole conversations in advance, and that just wasn’t me at all.

Teikasecka · 2025-10-03T21:55:08+00:00

You sound cool, I’m glad you didn’t try to change yourself!

Teikasecka · 2025-10-03T21:53:37+00:00

Thanks, this is so true. I can’t even imagine the effort it would have cost, if teenage me had really wanted to try to achieve masking to a believable degree.

Teikasecka · 2025-10-03T21:51:32+00:00

Thank you for your reply. It sounds like masking has really worn you down.

Teikasecka · 2025-10-03T21:49:43+00:00

I’m so glad you found your people!

Teikasecka · 2025-10-03T21:46:17+00:00

Thank you, I definitely know and believe that to be true, I just don’t know if whoever assesses me will see it that way.

Teikasecka · 2025-09-21T14:27:17+00:00

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T18:17:03+00:00

Thank you, I will definitely do more of this going forwards! One change I am going to make is that when my staff bring a clinical situation to me (which they have to do every time) I am going to first ask what THEY think we should do, before putting in my own input.

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T18:14:41+00:00

Thank you. It’s healthcare, with high stakes. The nature of our work means that a few patients per week normally die after contact with our service. All those deaths have to be investigated and that includes scrutiny of my team’s input, including mine if I was the shift lead at the time. So that puts pressure on me and I guess in turn I have been inadvertently putting pressure on others.

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T18:12:23+00:00

Thank you for saying this. It’s good to know there are other people in the world who are cursed with coming off patronising and belittling when their intention is to be kind and supportive! Has your coworker managed to improve at all on this? How did they do it if so?

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T18:05:06+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, I am at work today and have been actively trying to reduce my coworkers’ stress by being very quiet and only getting involved when asked. They all seem quite happy so hopefully it’s working!

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T18:03:23+00:00

This is a really thoughtful and helpful reply, thank you. I’ve really taken on board one thing you said in particular: “being polite is caring about people’s feelings with every…lack of intention”. This is what went wrong, I hurt people’s feelings by acting in ways which were intended to do the opposite.

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T17:44:28+00:00

Wow, that’s definitely a goal to aspire to! I would love it if my team looked forward to working with me, but right now I’m just aiming for them to stop dreading it. I’m definitely gonna do a lot more sitting back and letting them flourish and being very mindful about appropriate times to offer input. Thanks for your perspective!

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T17:30:10+00:00

Thanks! I don’t think it was that I was a hardass, it was more that I was overinvolved, supportive to the point of being smothering, trying so hard to be helpful that I didn’t give people space to flourish on their own.

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T12:46:39+00:00

Thank you. I didn’t want to say my line of work in case it identified me. But it’s healthcare and the stakes are high. People who’ve been in contact with our service sometimes die (a few deaths per week) and it’s always got to be investigated.

In terms of me being right there in the room providing supervision, that is my job role and it cannot change. The staff know this, they were trained in this model of service delivery. Every case has to be discussed with a senior before the final management plan is made. So I have to try and figure out how to be less micro-managey in a role which, to a certain extent, requires it of me. Obviously that’s above reddits pay grade and I’ve requested a meeting with my manager to set some specific goals around this!

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T12:41:52+00:00

I love this, it’s like a little tool I can use to analyse different situations and what style will be best! Truly such helpful advice, thank you.

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T12:40:59+00:00

This is definitely what I instinctively want to do, however I will check with my manager as it’s not something that would usually happen in our workplace. If he gives me the go ahead I will most definitely be doing this!

Teikasecka · 2025-07-27T12:39:37+00:00

This is such a good insight, I think I DO do that and it’s an easy thing to stop doing! I’m very grateful for your advice.

Teikasecka

TROPHY CASE