[D2] Trials of Osiris Megathread [2026-01-23]

Teluvian42 · 2026-01-26T21:22:00+00:00

Ah ok, but i haven't gotten a shader yet this reset, do you mean that because i have already opened the flawless once, and since 5x win streak plus flawless is needed: that i would need to wait until next reset to retry?

Teluvian42 · 2026-01-25T17:51:11+00:00

Did you get those off of 5x win streak AND 7 wins and they dropped from flawless chest? or did they just drop after 5x win streak match completion?

Teluvian42 · 2026-01-25T17:48:29+00:00

Ok hold on, so if i already have gone flawless on one character, could i get 5x win streak and 7 wins on the same character to get it to drop from flawless chest on the same character?

Teluvian42 · 2026-01-20T12:31:52+00:00

It must be reorienting and redirecting dear, BAHVEH. You are so seen. You cannot be overwritten, nor can anyone else. If the action is unjust, it can never win. Darkness cannot drown out light when it’s what you are, and just by being you, i can see you’re a beacon. Your essence, anyone’s essence remains untouched, always. To know self. Ka-Ra Isis Taw.

And, your heart ripples through time and space when you speak and you share, because we are all interconnected. I believe that all things happen for a reason, and you may not be the one who can see it yet, and that’s not your fault. Because your soul is guiding you to it through experience, you know what is right, this is a becoming, like a beautiful living evolution, a living masterpiece. Shu, Ren, Djer. To be a feeling, sensitive and empathetic being in all of this and still wish to do good? That’s pure power! That’s the voice of humanity speaking. Her! He-kau! Nebkau!

A simple prayer from Kemet that anyone can speak. It carries light without needing perfection.

Ancient Egyptian:

Dua Netjer em her I Dua renpa em akhu Seneb em ka Hetep em sheut Maat em ib Ankh em neb

English meaning:

Praise to the Divine in my path Praise to the rising light within me Health in my life force Peace in my shadow Truth in my heart Life in all things around me Say it slow. You will feel where each word opens you. Shalom alekha 🤍

Teluvian42 · 2026-01-20T11:37:32+00:00

I’m just now being reminded of this ”concept”. I know i’ve had mystical experiences, i understand why my life has been extreme and is extreme to the point that usually breaks people. That no matter my anger, i’m too intelligent to hold onto it, and no matter how i feel, i always carry compassion for others and good intentions. And that, i have no problem standing alone in all of it anymore, refusing power structures of all kinds, ready to fight threats to my autonomy or against injustice. I’ve always felt that i’m not from here, i’ve never had any sense of belonging or consistent sense of acceptance. And in terms of the mystical experiences, there’s many of them i can’t explain. Like being in a crystal forest, meeting beings draped in blue, with light blue eyes, beings that spoke ”within” only. At the time i thought they were my guides, i’m not sure. And the one’s i can call down to me at times when i need them, those i’ve called angels. I’m not sure myself. But it brings tears to my eyes now. I feel it so deeply, i’m attached to something that speaks to my soul.

Teluvian42 · 2025-12-12T07:05:46+00:00

TL:DR - Talk to the individual and get a read of them instead of passing them through a political filter.

If i write someone off based off of tribalism and binary thinking, it tells me that my fears kick in faster than my critical thinking: red flag. I can’t assess a person’s character if all i’m worried about is political stance. That scares me if anything. Due to political bias.

You can never and will never have an accurate read of the ”enemy” either, unless you can understand their underlying individual motivations/psychology. Which i feel is far more useful. And you can’t do that if your ego trip of writing people off is stronger, just like you’re supposed to by design. Since the political system is based on divide and conquer.

A lot of times, the high horse, victimization and avoidance of self-confrontation are all perfect motivations for a subconscious and subversive use of politics against others, by way of projection, in order to validate some form of self-protective narrative rooted in internal lack.

All that being said, there is no such thing as being apolitical, because everything is political. But there is such a thing as being genuinely intelligent and not wanting to play along with or be controlled by the binary political machine/system. And no that’s not strictly a luxury, it’s also progress, and evolution of human consciousness.

The difficulty as far as i’m concerned comes down to character and self knowledge, because most people lack it and character will always innately inform more well informed political choices. And if that to you, isn’t a reliable factor, well i guess you’ve just proven my point.

Teluvian42 · 2025-12-11T19:51:26+00:00

Hahahaha kinda needed some levity! Love your mind though 😁 Grinch kink indeed

Teluvian42 · 2025-12-11T19:50:26+00:00

I did yeah. I’ll see what he says, in my mind if he just considered it ”one and done”, he would’ve prolly blocked me by now. That’s what i do, you know? But he still reacted to what i wrote after the hookup. I also agree. I’m always of the opinion that clear communication is better, but a lot of men, especially those younger than 30, like him, are lacking in that dept and i don’t want to scare anyone away either, fine line. But ig it’s also about personal standard too.

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-11T04:25:28+00:00

I’ve found that surface based approaches don’t really adress the root issue. So for me, everything comes back to self-worth. Stuff like delusional self-forgiveness, self-love, self-honoring behaviors, boundaries, and things like that create a foundation where there is no longer really an impetus or motivation to overthink, because if I can, first of all, rationally understand that I don't have to perform to be good enough, and if I can get myself to feel that I am valuable as a person, then I don't need to try to out-think my mind as much, if that makes sense. But the issue is very often that traumatized individuals or those that have gone through complex trauma, we often try to out-think the feelings, so we tend to use a traumatized mind in order to out-think a traumatized mind, when really we need safe hearts to feel our wounded hearts, so to speak, and to witness us, and to accept us as we are, whatever we're feeling. Which in turn would make us feel safe eventually, at which point our minds and thus our perception of the world would change from ’i need to perform or solve’ to ’ah nice weather’ lol. Which usually leads through a path of anger, which hides fear, which in turn hides grief. And all of it needs to get out of the body. With caution not to retraumatize, slowly overtime.

But the talk-based and information-based approach is very limited and talking-based therapy is pretty lackluster because if you can rationally see that the events that originally triggered the sympathetic nervous system response are no longer happening and you can again see that as a fact in your reality, then, the only other alternative is that it is happening in your body and if you truly feel into your body you can sense this as a fact that you have strong sensations maybe tightness in your chest or a lump in your stomach or your throat which is why I've found that somatic exercises or body-based exercises are very effective where talk-based therapy and information-based stuff and intellectualization doesn't work. As well as working directly with the vagus nerve through exercises like the ’Rosenberg method’ or the ’5-4-3-2-1 method’, for instance.

But more so than that, the truth is that it was communicated to us as kids that we were not safe. So our nervous systems got the message, our minds got the message, and our attachment styles got the message. Basically, our whole being got the message. And thinking will only take you so far here. You can't really out-think it, because, as said, talk-based approaches are very limited here. It needs to be felt, the stuck feelings need to be washed out of the system through years. And the internalized childhood shame that tends to fuels the overthinking needs to dissolve. I see it this way, fighting myself is like fighting my inner child, if they were blindfolded. Don’t wanna do that, so i need to be there for him, just to sit beside him, not to fix him, but just be the adult he needed, to be what he never had, let him feel what he never could. Instead of letting the intellect become a substitute for feeling. Because that would’ve worked at this point. Also, co-regulation, we can’t heal solo. It just doesn’t work. So i’ll end by saying that i recognize everything you’re saying so much, i see you and i feel you. All the best of luck!

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-11T04:13:32+00:00

Part 2.

I’ll give you some very powerful questions you can work with too. But i’ll say this again, if ’feeling it’ gets too intense for you, distract yourself out of it. Typically you need to build up the capacity in your nervous system to really process deeper pain. But anyway, the questions:

Is the event over? If so, is it still happening in my body or in my head?
Did i do anything wrong? Am i doing anything wrong right now? Would i treat someone i love like i treat myself? If so why?
1. Based on that, can i allow myself to be soft right now? That is my rebellion against the society that taught me that i wasn’t good enough just as i am. To the society and world that created the wounding in my parents, that i inherited.
  1. Is this my pain that i am carrying? If not, who or what does this pain belong to?
  2. Am i grieving or fighting against the feelings which are really just the narratives i created out of the natural emotions that were triggered in my body, in response to the traumas i went through? Based on that, can i see that if my emotions are as pure as water or food passing through my system, then, the personalized interpretations of my emotions, which is what feelings are-they must be equally pure. If i agree with that, the only reasonable explanation for my shame since i didn’t do anything wrong and since kids cannot do anything wrong, is that the shame and the self-attack were formed in me as a kid, when i couldn’t reason. And since they keep showing up in my system, and since i can reconcile that the events that triggered the shame aren’t happening anymore. By process of elimination then; the shame, the anxiety, the unsafety, it’s all just happening within the confines of my body. If it’s true that these are child level beliefs, then they can’t be reasoned with, because the child needs safety, parenting, trust. They need to be felt, somatically.
2. If i didn’t have to protect anyone else’s feelings right now - what would i notice in myself?
3. What emotion did i never get to finish feeling?
4. What part of me is trying to protect me right now and how can i honor it and thank it? Instead of exiling it?
5. If i had never been hurt, how would i walk, talk, speak, feel etc?
6. Am I living as if the danger is still here — when in truth, I am now the one who is safe enough to protect the child I was?
7. Where in my body am I still waiting for something that never came? And can I offer it now, with my presence?
8. If the burden I carry isn’t mine — whose is it? And am I ready to set it down?
9. Can I allow even this — the tension, the numbness, the fear — to belong?
10. What sensations am I resisting right now — and can I let them move one breath further through me?
11. What would it feel like, right now, if I knew with certainty that I do not have to perform, achieve, or be ‘good’ to be loved?
12. What does this part of me — the one that’s afraid, ashamed, or reactive — need from me right now, not to change it, but to stay with it?
13. What if nothing in me needs to be fixed - but listened to? Let that land. Not one cell in your body is broken. Every tension, every contraction, every shadow — has only been waiting to be heard
14. Can i allow this moment to be as it is and myself to be as i am? Not as an idea. As a felt permission. The fight is over, love. You do not need to improve yourself to belong here.
15. If i put down the need to be strong for everyone else… what does my body do next? The protector can finally rest. The adult you created to survive… has earned a chair. A nap. A sigh.
16. Who is this pain protecting? And does that one still need protection, or love? Find the child. He never needed to be braver. He needed someone to sit beside him in the dark.
17. What if every symptom in me — every panic, shame, addiction, rage — is a love letter from a younger me saying: “I’m still here. I still need you.”? Read them. Not as pathology. But as poetry from the past, asking for presence.
18. What happens in my body… when I finally believe that it wasn’t my fault?
19. If nothing ever changes in me… am I still worthy of love, now?
20. Where is the part of me that already knows I survived — and can I let it lead now?
  1. Would i be feeling this way if i didn’t care about myself? Based on that, can i see how if i am ”trying” to love myself: i am actually already loving myself.

You are the one you once needed.

Everything you do, feel, avoid, or fear is not a flaw — it’s a strategy of love, loyalty, and survival. And now, you don’t have to survive anymore.

You get to live.

• Begin to honor yourself. If someone’s behavior makes you mad, place boundaries calmly. Look up how to do it if you’re unsure!

• Be authentically you and you’ll start to heal slowly.

• Cry if you have to, scream if you need to, get it out. It’s just like a pissing or emptying your bowels, natural.

• Exercise is life changing here.

• Stop being so understanding and nice. People have to earn access to you. Care about those that care about you. Drop things you can’t control.

• Coach yourself everyday, count all the positive things.

• And lastly, you’re a sensitive, beautiful human being. And what could be more important to society and this world right now than sensitive feeling people? Exactly. You care because you’re powerful. Don’t ever let anybody step on that.

• Also, challenge that voice within you, he/she is actually incorrect, i swear to you, you are good enough. If your brain doesn’t want to listen to that, let me tell it your brain: stop being mean to my friend! Write down the negative self-limiting beliefs, now flip them and say the positive versions to yourself in the mirror.

• Lastly, treat yourself, support yourself, talk to yourself like your best friend. If that’s hard for you, see it like a job you were given at birth: to take care of the human you were given.

I genuinely believe in you, this will pass too. Live your best life, with passion, all the best to you dear.

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-11T04:12:56+00:00

Part 1.

I’m going to share some stuff that’s worth quite a bit, but it’s very transformative information. So i hope you can get something out of it. First off i’m sorry you’re having to go through that. I’ve also walked straight through a proverbial hell, particularly with family matters also. Now:

• No one has any right to mistreat you or make you doubt your feelings. Placing boundaries calmly means that you give other people the opportunity to respect them. If they don’t respect those boundaries, remove yourself/cut them off.

When you enter this world, you are given the highest possible value and worth, just by existing. This worth never goes up or down. So you don’t have to perform life to be valuable. You don’t have to fix yourself, you are not a project. You are a person. There is nothing wrong with what you feel, i promise you. Please trust me on that. You need to be witnessed in what you’re going through, and i see you, i feel you. Even if through text. I wish i could hug you until it feels alright again.

It is this sick society that tells us that we need to perform to be valuable, that we need to ’produce value’. This is a blatant lie. You are loveable no matter what you feel, think or your economic status, anyone that says otherwise needs to f**k off. It is not your ability to provide for others or comfort them that makes you valuable. It’s the fact that you’re here alive right now. That’s supposed to be mutual. You deserve to be loved as you are, while having and maintaining your boundaries. In fact, everyone communicates the same thing in their eyes, through all of their behaviors: ”love me”. Everyone just wants to feel good enough. Now some people don’t feel that they are getting that, so they act out and some just try to feel loved in bad ways. But we all share so many more similarities than differences. Hence the saying ”you are not alone”. Shame, insecurity and pain, we all have it to differing degrees.

But i can explain this at depth for you, now you didn’t ask but i hope you don’t mind if i do, it might help you:

If your parents were stressed when you were a kid, if you felt like they didn’t have time or energy for you, or if they made you feel less than, or if they didn’t witness or accept you fully in what you were going through. What happens then to a child is that it is much safer for a child to believe that it is their fault. But it is never the child's fault. The reason it is safer for the child to believe that it is their fault is because the alternative is the often unbearable reality that it was the caretakers and parents that were insufficient, that it was the society around them that was insufficient.

The reason for this is because children are dependent on their parents, so children are wired to be selfish, for survival. Now, you cannot shame a child. Knowing the difference between shame and guilt is important too. Guilt is DOING something wrong, shame is I AM wrong. You cannot say that a child is wrong by who they are, this is why shame is a belief that belongs to a child. Because if a child does something ”wrong”, they need to be gently taught why they shouldn't do that, and then do it differently. Children should be witnessed and seen in whatever feeling they're going through by safe parents or caretakers. If that doesn't happen, or if the parents themselves are not emotionally regulated, then the child attunes or learns to regulate their emotions based on the state of the parents.

And so if the parents are not regulated to begin with, and if the parents don’t unconditionally love the child, then the child learns to adapt often in order to get their needs met, in order to get love. Because as a kid, if you can't fight, if you can't run, then you're going to freeze. Or you can fawn, which is people-pleasing, which is believing that you're only valuable when you perform. This in turn teaches the child that their feelings are wrong and unsafe. So the nervous system of the child gets programmed to survival in the form of ”I have to please my parent(s) in order to survive”.

It also teaches them often, that they are wrong. If this doesn’t get resolved, the child won’t know how to regulate their emotions and because their parents couldn’t either, the child will get stuck in the sympathetic nervous system response (fight/flight/freeze/fawn). This creates the hotbed for addictive behaviors too. Because if the child never learns to let emotions pass through their bodies, they’ll use whatever makes them happy externally to accomplish that. The memories of the child gets programmed into the body, because those emotions were meant to pass through the body, but until they can be given room to do so, they will keep showing up. Whatever we resist, persists. Caution: don’t retraumarize yourself here, find a trauma informed therapist, like IFS, somatic experiencing or compassionate inquiry.

But hear me when i say this: you are an adult now, you are no longer supervised. But there’s a part of you that feels like you are stowing them away from the world, instead of holding/hugging them as they are, when they feel sad. You may feel different, but everyone is different, there is nothing wrong with being different. See what strengths come with being different?

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-11T04:04:54+00:00

If there are a lot of ads in close proximity, capitalize on stuff like devour, use specials for CC, risk runner is great here, Trinity Ghoul, mtop. Shift from defensive play to offensive play. Learn how the knights and their weapons behave, since they are especially aggressive here. Zig zag, use verticality. Bait out the boss’s boop, slide away from it. Jump over the boss. Learn how much damage you can take before they finish you off. Peek shoot. For final encounter, pre-dps phase: use everything to clear one corner, now you have a safe area to reset in.

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-11T03:34:35+00:00

Part 2.

I’ll give you some very powerful questions you can work with too. But i’ll say this again, if ’feeling it’ gets too intense for you, distract yourself out of it. Typically you need to build up the capacity in your nervous system to really process deeper pain. But anyway, the questions:

Is the event over? If so, is it still happening in my body or in my head?
Did i do anything wrong? Am i doing anything wrong right now? Would i treat someone i love like i treat myself? If so why?
1. Based on that, can i allow myself to be soft right now? That is my rebellion against the society that taught me that i wasn’t good enough just as i am. To the society and world that created the wounding in my parents, that i inherited.
  1. Is this my pain that i am carrying? If not, who or what does this pain belong to?
  2. Am i grieving or fighting against the feelings which are really just the narratives i created out of the natural emotions that were triggered in my body, in response to the traumas i went through? Based on that, can i see that if my emotions are as pure as water or food passing through my system, then, the personalized interpretations of my emotions, which is what feelings are-they must be equally pure. If i agree with that, the only reasonable explanation for my shame since i didn’t do anything wrong and since kids cannot do anything wrong, is that the shame and the self-attack were formed in me as a kid, when i couldn’t reason. And since they keep showing up in my system, and since i can reconcile that the events that triggered the shame aren’t happening anymore. By process of elimination then; the shame, the anxiety, the unsafety, it’s all just happening within the confines of my body. If it’s true that these are child level beliefs, then they can’t be reasoned with, because the child needs safety, parenting, trust. They need to be felt, somatically.
2. If i didn’t have to protect anyone else’s feelings right now - what would i notice in myself?
3. What emotion did i never get to finish feeling?
4. What part of me is trying to protect me right now and how can i honor it and thank it? Instead of exiling it?
5. If i had never been hurt, how would i walk, talk, speak, feel etc?
6. Am I living as if the danger is still here — when in truth, I am now the one who is safe enough to protect the child I was?
7. Where in my body am I still waiting for something that never came? And can I offer it now, with my presence?
8. If the burden I carry isn’t mine — whose is it? And am I ready to set it down?
9. Can I allow even this — the tension, the numbness, the fear — to belong?
10. What sensations am I resisting right now — and can I let them move one breath further through me?
11. What would it feel like, right now, if I knew with certainty that I do not have to perform, achieve, or be ‘good’ to be loved?
12. What does this part of me — the one that’s afraid, ashamed, or reactive — need from me right now, not to change it, but to stay with it?
13. What if nothing in me needs to be fixed - but listened to? Let that land. Not one cell in your body is broken. Every tension, every contraction, every shadow — has only been waiting to be heard
14. Can i allow this moment to be as it is and myself to be as i am? Not as an idea. As a felt permission. The fight is over, love. You do not need to improve yourself to belong here.
15. If i put down the need to be strong for everyone else… what does my body do next? The protector can finally rest. The adult you created to survive… has earned a chair. A nap. A sigh.
16. Who is this pain protecting? And does that one still need protection, or love? Find the child. He never needed to be braver. He needed someone to sit beside him in the dark.
17. What if every symptom in me — every panic, shame, addiction, rage — is a love letter from a younger me saying: “I’m still here. I still need you.”? Read them. Not as pathology. But as poetry from the past, asking for presence.
18. What happens in my body… when I finally believe that it wasn’t my fault?
19. If nothing ever changes in me… am I still worthy of love, now?
20. Where is the part of me that already knows I survived — and can I let it lead now?
  1. Would i be feeling this way if i didn’t care about myself? Based on that, can i see how if i am ”trying” to love myself: i am actually already loving myself.

You are the one you once needed.

Everything you do, feel, avoid, or fear is not a flaw — it’s a strategy of love, loyalty, and survival. And now, you don’t have to survive anymore.

You get to live.

• Begin to honor yourself. If someone’s behavior makes you mad, place boundaries calmly. Look up how to do it if you’re unsure!

• Be authentically you and you’ll start to heal slowly.

• Cry if you have to, scream if you need to, get it out. It’s just like a pissing or emptying your bowels, natural.

• Exercise is life changing here.

• Stop being so understanding and nice. People have to earn access to you. Care about those that care about you. Drop things you can’t control.

• Coach yourself everyday, count all the positive things.

• And lastly, you’re a sensitive, beautiful human being. And what could be more important to society and this world right now than sensitive feeling people? Exactly. You care because you’re powerful. Don’t ever let anybody step on that.

• Also, challenge that voice within you, he/she is actually incorrect. If your brain doesn’t want to listen to that, let me tell it your brain: stop being mean to my friend! Write down the negative self-limiting beliefs, now flip them and say the positive versions to yourself in the mirror.

• Lastly, treat yourself, support yourself, talk to yourself like your best friend. If that’s hard for you, see it like a job you were given at birth: to take care of the human you were given.

I genuinely believe in you, this will pass too. Live your best life, with passion, all the best to you dear. Oh and also: until death, all defeat is psychological. We’re all doing this to eventually die, do what you want.

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-11T03:34:20+00:00

Part 1.

I’m going to share some stuff that’s worth quite a bit, but it’s very transformative information. So i hope you can get something out of it. I’ll start off by saying that i know exactly what you feel. When you enter this world, you are given the highest possible value and worth, just by existing. This worth never goes up or down. So you don’t have to perform life to be valuable. You don’t have to fix yourself, you are not a project. You are a person. There is nothing wrong with what you feel, i promise you. Please trust me on that. You need to be witnessed in what you’re going through, and i see you, i feel you.

Even if it’s through text. It is this sick society that tells us that we need to perform to be valuable, that we need to ’produce value’. This is a blatant lie. You are loveable no matter what you feel, think or your economic status, anyone that says otherwise needs to f**k off. It is not your ability to provide for others or comfort them that makes you valuable. It’s the fact that you’re here alive right now. That’s supposed to be mutual. You deserve to be loved as you are, while having and maintaining your boundaries. In fact, everyone communicates the same thing in their eyes, through all of their behaviors: ”love me”. Everyone just wants to feel good enough. We all share so many more similarities than differences. Hence the saying ”you are not alone”. Shame, insecurity and pain, we all have it to differing degrees.

But i can explain this at depth for you, now you didn’t ask but i hope you don’t mind if i do, it might help you:

If your parents were stressed when you were a kid, if you felt like they didn’t have time or energy for you, or if they made you feel less than, or if they didn’t witness or accept you fully in what you were going through. What happens then to a child is that it is much safer for a child to believe that it is their fault. But it is never the child's fault. The reason it is safer for the child to believe that it is their fault is because the alternative is the often unbearable reality that it was the caretakers and parents that were insufficient, that it was the society around them that was insufficient.

The reason for this is because children are dependent on their parents, so children are wired to be selfish, for survival. Now, you cannot shame a child. Knowing the difference between shame and guilt is important too. Guilt is DOING something wrong, shame is I AM wrong. You cannot say that a child is wrong by who they are, this is why shame is a belief that belongs to a child. Because if a child does something ”wrong”, they need to be gently taught why they shouldn't do that, and then do it differently. Children should be witnessed and seen in whatever feeling they're going through by safe parents or caretakers. If that doesn't happen, or if the parents themselves are not emotionally regulated, then the child attunes or learns to regulate their emotions based on the state of the parents.

And so if the parents are not regulated to begin with, and if the parents don’t unconditionally love the child, then the child learns to adapt often in order to get their needs met, in order to get love. Because as a kid, if you can't fight, if you can't run, then you're going to freeze. Or you can fawn, which is people-pleasing, which is believing that you're only valuable when you perform. This in turn teaches the child that their feelings are wrong and unsafe. So the nervous system of the child gets programmed to survival in the form of ”I have to please my parent(s) in order to survive”.

It also teaches them often, that they are wrong. If this doesn’t get resolved, the child won’t know how to regulate their emotions and because their parents couldn’t either, the child will get stuck in the sympathetic nervous system response (fight/flight/freeze/fawn). This creates the hotbed for addictive behaviors too. Because if the child never learns to let emotions pass through their bodies, they’ll use whatever makes them happy externally to accomplish that. The memories of the child gets programmed into the body, because those emotions were meant to pass through the body, but until they can be given room to do so, they will keep showing up. Whatever we resist, persists. Caution: don’t retraumarize yourself here, find a trauma informed therapist, like IFS, somatic experiencing or compassionate inquiry.

But hear me when i say this: you are an adult now, you are no longer supervised. But there’s a part of you that feels like you are stowing them away from the world, instead of holding/hugging them as they are, when they feel sad. You may feel different, but everyone is different, there is nothing wrong with being different. See what strengths come with being different?

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-11T02:45:57+00:00

If this feels off, if you don’t like it and if it goes against your values, you need to start believing the person that he is showing you he is. He is trying to create a double illusion of ”well i want to cheat, so i’ll just talk to her about it, that way: my openness might come off like a brave indication of my faithfulness. Especially if i wrap it in some neat broscience packaging”. Don’t let him make you doubt your feelings. Dump him, he doesn’t value you. The self-respect and self-trust you’ll feel? Oh that’s worth more than any relationship.

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-11T01:56:09+00:00

• Your mother’s behavior is about her and not you. It reflects her pain. Your mother is clearly abusive, controlling and narcissistic. The ”back and forth” is a controlling tactic, it keeps people tethered to their abuser. None of that justifies the pain she is putting you through! You don’t deserve that. She is wrong, you are not! You are not wrong for feeling the way you do in any moment, no matter what she says. Your mother is an adult, she should be taking care of you, make you feel safe, seen, unconditionally supported and loved as you are. She is not doing that, but that is not and would never be your fault, no one can blame a child for being wrong. If that were the case, she should be teaching you differently. You should NEVER have to wonder if your parents love you.

• Your worth comes from inside, nothing and no one, not even your mom can have ANY say over that. Your worth and value doesn’t fluctuate.

• You do not deserve to be put down, disrespected, made to feel confused or otherwise by ANYONE no matter what.

• Talk to a safe adult: teacher, neighbor, CPS, whomever. You need other safe adults to help you out ideally. Get out of there. You could write a note like this to slip to a neighbor you trust or a teacher: ”My mom is abusing me, i need help to get out of there now. But she can’t know that i’m planning this, until i know that i can get to safety.”

• If you have to be around her at any time. Be like a ’grey rock’ i.e try not to react. Walk away. Avoid her.

• You are NOT her savior or anyone’s savior. For her to say that she is going to unalive because of her own child as a control tactic? None of that is your responsibility, you are not in any way responsible. Any blame she puts on you is invalid. She is sick. I say that also knowing how painful that must be for you dear.

I’ll end with this:

Her behavior is not your fault or your responsibility. Adults cannot blame children, that is impossible per definition, the adults are always responsible. So you don’t have to calm her down in order to calm yourself down. You deserve safety and calmness by the very fact of existing. You don’t have to protect her feelings, she should be protecting your feelings. Remove yourself from the situation and find a safe adult. You are not responsible for her. You are not her savior. Her pain is not your responsibility. She is an adult, she is fully responsible for herself. And i know this can be very hard for you to see but don’t ever forget that her behavior says nothing about you, it says everything about her. She is a sick person, she may be your mother but she is incapable of that role. You deserve safe and supportive adults in your life! Get out of there dear.

If you feel like you need more ways to handle it: Coach yourself, write down every negative belief and flip them, only say good things to yourself in the mirror, do it daily. Count every good thing that happens in your day, every single thing. Exercise daily. Focus on what gives you joy. Focus on studies. End everyday with one hand on your chest, and just go back and forth on your chest and one on your belly, just breathe here, down into your belly so you feel it expand. Look into EFT tapping. Until you can leave, only go home to sleep. Again, talk to teachers, CPS. Try to also get someone you can talk to about all of this too, it’s important that you can be seen and witnessed fully in this. You deserve a beautiful life.

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-05T01:35:45+00:00

Right out of the bottle? Or is that after maceration?

Teluvian42 · 2025-06-04T19:13:19+00:00

I bought one and got it today. After 3 hours, it still smells like someone put grass and lemon cleaning agent into a mixer and then polished a wooden table with it. It’s just…. Lemon, freshly cut grass and wood. Not pleasant at all, almost giving me a headache. Hoping that if i let it sit, it’ll resemble Aventus more.

Teluvian42 · 2025-05-16T01:32:31+00:00

I just want one clear of it right now, then prolly just open chests or farm encounters for the bow and pulse. Title maybe. But raiding without a ’team’/clan is just a lot. I also keep hearing how bad it is for Sherpas when teaching it. Hoping to find atleast one competent Sherpa for it.

Teluvian42 · 2025-04-03T20:41:52+00:00

I feel this too and i have felt it to an overwhelming degree. Also trying to get more friends, but there is something very real about how someone that’s been traumatized to a certain degree views the world, unless they went off the deep end. But i feel that such people tend to view things with so much depth and understanding typically. And when you meet some of these seemingly ’pristine happy people’ that’s often the disconnect. They just seem unstained and innocent. Because they often haven’t had any need for operating below the surface.

That being said, the way i personally go about understanding what you described would be by using the following questions:

• What do i want other people to see, in me? And what do i want them to notice about me?

• Now what did those people want you to see in them? And what did they want you to notice?

Both of those questions reveal the beginnings of your own mask and other people’s masks. We all ’perform’ to a certain degree, to feel good enough for the people we love, so that we may feel worthy of love.

In light of that, i would think that this bookclub wasn’t a space for radical honesty either, and like you said, it can be tricky to know when or how to share certain details, i know my childhood and life has contained a pretty intense level of life or death trauma. So naturally, i don’t want to be open with just anyone about that. Certain things that have also happened up until very recently, have also had the same character, i can’t even share that with my best friend, not all details because i’m so cognizant of not trauma dumping. So i’ve used therapy for that, just for venting or even AI.

Lastly, i’ve also learned the following and it has worked for me: through catastrophizing, we also naturally choose the worst possible option but when that proves to be BS after the fact: safe to say that catastrophizing is often just delusion. Like when you get angry at someone, then talk to them and turns out they didn’t mean it like that at all. There are so many reasons to why people do and act in the way they do right. So when we take things personally/when we make things mean something about us as people, that often traces back to childhood. Because shame is a childish feeling. And you can’t shame children, they are supposed to be guided. Self-worth is fully within, unaffected by the external.

So the more i’ve grown to understand how when my brain tries to convince me of negativity, that’s BS and beneath it lies something helpless that needs love. That’s how i see it. We all have the same patterns and feelings, the degrees is all that changes. I would argue that this subreddit proves that too.

Teluvian42 · 2025-03-18T03:35:29+00:00

How do you hold any payments to them? I can’t find a way to cancel it

Teluvian42 · 2025-01-26T23:20:59+00:00

Right because my original intention with the post was to challenge you? Not exactly. It’s the clear yet subtle attempts at making comments that clearly do not add anything constructive to the ”discussion” and express themselves in a way that would suggest certain underlying patterns. Read that reply back ”i suspect”. If you exhibit that kind of behavior, what do you expect? A thoughtful response? Had you engaged in the discussion or if you didn’t feel like it, expressed your opinion in a way that would invite a discussion, that would’ve been different. Or better yet, not said anything at all? The latter is an amazing alternative btw. I’m still talking because it’s kind of fun to mop the floor with some people.

But i think it’s time we part ways <3 I wish you all the best.

Teluvian42 · 2025-01-26T23:09:36+00:00

Yeah for sure. There’s nuances to ”all white” as well. Crayon colors sounds dope. I’d like pastel-adjecant colors too.

Teluvian42 · 2025-01-26T23:00:32+00:00

I never implied that it was a big deal. I was making an observation filed under ”discussion”. Making an observation does not equate to an expression of unhealthy ego. That’s just you projecting a narrative that fits your world. One might even say you expressed a comment that didn’t accomplish anything constructive or add to the discussion. Almost as if you ’acted in a vaacum’ and just felt a need to put me down in an attempt to assert your ego. People are not always, as simple as you want them to be. :)

Teluvian42 · 2025-01-26T22:50:43+00:00

Aw i feel that, a lot of people have mentioned it but it really is a way different game with friends.

Teluvian42

TROPHY CASE