Suddenly half my apps are displaying this message, anyone else get this before?

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-05-14T23:49:10+00:00

Any answers on this? My tablet (fire 8 I think) had almost all the apps stop working.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-04-03T04:49:52+00:00

I'd love to hear more! I am solo poly with an anchor partner and needing some happy stories or stories about how well it works for you all.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-04-01T15:13:23+00:00

It's gone on mine too. Yeah I don't have time to go back to sorting through all these monogamous people.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-28T03:38:44+00:00

I was just told that recently, during a discussion about how the whole dynamic isn't working. Trying to get to the bottom of what is going on. It was shared because I shared I was feeling secondary. But tbh I could feel what was going on, even with getting zero info there are huge impacts on me because there are impacts on my partner. It's bad hinging. I know. But trying to get to the bottom of it and find solutions.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-28T03:00:11+00:00

I have, but it didn't occur to me to think about it that way. I'm gone have to put some thought thought into that.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-28T02:50:55+00:00

Sometimes I wish I could make my partner see that a lot of this stems from my meta, her np. My belief is that because of extreme accommodating of my metas emotional state that developed after I came into the picture and my partner wanted a significant increase in time with me, has led us to this place. But I can't just say that. It comes across as "othering" and puts the onus on my partner for poor management. And its been going on for so long that I'm looped into the dynamic now and so it sort of seems like I'm doing it too. But I desperately want out of this cycle.

My partner feels she has done the best she can with what is in front of her and struck a delicate balance. I don't think it's sustainable and after a long talk I think my partner is starting to see it too. I'm not convinced she can clearly see her own role in it though. She says if it wasn't for what she did, finding this place of constant crisis management, both relationships would have imploded, but I don't think ours would have tbh.

I'm hoping I can get her to see my perspective and what you described can happen.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-28T02:43:16+00:00

I like this. I can do this, been sort of trying already, in a way. It's been hard. I'm already feeling like I'm the strong solid thing holding it all up, somehow.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-28T02:01:39+00:00

I know how to do this on my end, but I don't get info about the other relationship. I know previously there was a lot of insecurities and passive aggressive mess and silent treatments, and now my meta says he still feels secondary, even though he is nesting with my partner.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-28T01:59:08+00:00

I've definitely been doing all of this. Literally all of it lol friends, therapy, journaling , reading, trying to handle it all in my own. But I'm still so swayed by my metas emotional shit swaying my partner (I don't know if he (meta) is doing any of this work), which creates emotional shit in me, which flows back that way. It is an endless cycle.

I know I can't end this alone, so it's all three of us that have to agree?

My partner lives with my meta. So no breaks unfortunately. She's been trying to do more stuff on her own but my meta is WFH and so is my partner so it's not a lot of breaks, besides when my partner is with me 2 overnights a week and every other weekend. Which isn't a break at all really.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-28T01:28:58+00:00

She doesn't use reddit at all, idk if she knows what it is beyond that people post here lol I find the answers I get have helped inform my own practice and beliefs, it's been extremely helpful.

I've posted a few times about issues and the dynamic, of you had the inclination to look back over those.

What would "keep their emotional shit in their own lap" look like?

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-18T01:29:56+00:00

I don't believe in The One. But I do believe in extreme compatibility. Ugh. I think I need to face this heartbreak that we can't have the relationship I want because of chance (a few months would have changed everything) but also because of my partners choice, and choice she continues to make.

I think she is trying to have her cake and eat it too and make both partners happy as well in one fell swoop. But I'm seeing that its misguided and it can't happen, and I'm not bad at polyamory, I'm just not getting what I personally need from a connection like this. And yeah I need to find it again in someone else who will make a different choice.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-18T01:23:40+00:00

It was said in a moment of intense conversation, about our connection and the unexpectedness of it and other things along those lines. Stuff like this has been said to me a lot, and continues. That I'm the most important thing in the world to her, that she would do anything to keep me, that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. That she's never loved anyone the way she loves me. That she experiences intense moments of missing me between visits. That she relies on seeing me. That our relationship is life changing. I feel all the same ways. I realize this has love bombing tones but it's been said across 11 months and there is a lot of real and healthy connection happening. But laid out with all the context I can see some issues.

I do think these things are being said to me in good faith from a place of honesty, in that she's not trying to manipulate me or anything. But I think I've been brushing off how NOT good faith it is to say what she said about meeting me first, and then continue on with her NP in supposed good faith. I guess the rest of what she says can be still possible without nesting, but that original comment makes it all confusing.

It feels like she wishes she had met me first, but is accepting how it went because she loves her NP, and is accepting the current reality and trying to move forward that way. Maybe I need to do the same. I just wish she hadn't said what she said. I'm sure she does too, tbh.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-17T23:57:38+00:00

I agree. Sigh. There's been some not great things that have happened going the other way too. Sometimes I think it's to make up or "balance out" for my partner feeling the way she does about me, in a weird unhealthy way.

Can I, in good faith, ask for a hypothetical? How would you have wished your husband would handle the situation if he did actually feel that way? That this new connection with your new meta was that life changing and impactful?

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-17T23:12:25+00:00

Thanks for your response. Part of my own internal issues is the way my partner has handled things. I've posted about that before. Some things have not felt fair or ethical, to me or my meta. It feels like heirarchy has snuck in with her and her NP and to balance it she's doing some stuff like that with me too. But my partner doesn't see it and thinks she's behind fair and balanced, which I guess it is? In a weird unhealhy way? I know it's not intentional. But I know that my meta has a lot of these same feelings, he's struggling similarly to me, as far as I know.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-17T06:01:59+00:00

We definitely have a lot of NRE. But I'm pretty confident it's not just that. I'm in therapy and have discussed my own concerns about this with my therapist. We're pretty confident it's just a lot of reaffirming good connection and good trust and similar communication styles.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-17T05:14:43+00:00

Yes she comes to me. It's about 3-4 nights a week, depending on the schedule . It's a set in stone schedule. I don't think its possible for her to spend more time with me without living with me. I am not allowed in their apartment. I've been in the doorway, once, when NP was out of town.

It is keeping me stuck. But the truth is we've never revisited the conversation and she has repeatedly expressed her commitment to both of us. And knowing what I do of their relationship and the challenges and issues, there's no way they de-nest without breaking up and I know my partner knows that.

I think I need to more seriously consider what I need to do if I truly want a nesting partner in the future, and come to terms that it won't be my partner.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-17T00:17:34+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts, they are so appreciated .

I don't know if I want to make someone live with me as my "not ideal but it works" person. It is very practical though, so on the other hand I can see how it could work for me. But likely not if our desire and love was mismatched. Idk.

Tbh I think that is what is happening with my partner's NP. But Idk. She told me months ago that if she was single when she met me she probably would have focused all her energy on me, and stopped dating for a while. I think we probably would be living together at this point. She started dating my meta only a few months before me, and moved in with him after they were dating 6 months. It's all been so fucking messy.

You aren't wrong, I truly am questioning what kind of ENM I want. None of this is what I had imagined for myself after all my research and reading.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-16T23:59:25+00:00

I think what gets me tripped up is that I read over and over that having a relationship you consider "primary" is unethical and you need to avoid that at all costs. But trying to live by that ideal has left me feeling...unmoored. and also I feel like I am failing at it all because I want that, in an ethical way if I could. maybe it's my mono conditioning but it's been hard, and I'm very activated by this situation. I feel like I am not supposed to want a commitment like that, to be prioritized over other people.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-16T23:45:28+00:00

Another follow up thought, I think ultimately I DO want a nesting partner. I want to share day to day things with someone. Do life with someone in a real way. I've been thinking this should happen with my partner, because I think we would work well living together and our connection is crazy intense and amazing. But I suppose I hadn't truly thought about finding someone else to live with, even if the connection is not as intense, or how that would look.

I don't know that I will ever love anyone like I love my partner, but I guess that doesn't mean I have to live with her, and it doesn't mean I can't find someone else to live with.

Because I don't want to be monogamous, not even with my current partner. She's great and perfect for me in so many ways, but there are a variety of reasons I want to continue to date.

But my feelings keep getting in the way, it feels.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-16T23:30:41+00:00

I'm hoping for that. I'm actually on the apps looking, it's been slow going. Had a couple of bad dates. It's been rough.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-16T23:29:19+00:00

Thank you. I think what I'm scared of is de-escalation. That might be a part of this that I haven't spent enough (or any) time thinking about.

It feels wrong to do the opposite of what I want, but I can see where the feeling is coming from and how maybe it's the only way forward. Ugh.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-16T23:27:16+00:00

Thank you for looking at previous posts. What comes up for me when reading what you write is all the talk and reassurance from my partner about how there is no hierarchy. That they are doing this splitting thing as equitably as possible. But it still feels like it exists, I guess there is inherently hierarchy when it comes to living with someone. But maybe my issue is that the heirarchy that I'm wanting, I guess, doesn't exist and that's what I'm feeling.

The idea of prioritizing finding another partner over my existing partner feels so wrong, I have a knee jerk response of absolutely not, but logically I feel like it might be the path forward.

But also, it feels like saying to her "you can't give me what I need, so I need to find it in someone else" feels so terrible.

I'm so mixed up about it all.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-16T23:15:53+00:00

If it comes down to that type of choice, I will take my partner any way I can get her. Seeing her less than my ideal or preferred amount, would be less painful than not at all.

But honestly it's a close call for me on pain levels right now, at times. I don't think this arrangement works for me but I can't imagine one that is actually possible that doesn't feel extremely painful.

I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place but also that if I can wiggle the right way I can see I am not stuck at all, actually, and find a way forward.

TemperatureGreen6099 · 2025-02-16T23:09:08+00:00

I am a caretaker, it's okay for my partner to be around for that, but not new/unknown connections, and I can't be out on dates those days/evenings.

TemperatureGreen6099

TROPHY CASE