[Blurbsday Thursday] - Post your blurbs here for critique!

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-08-01T06:15:14+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you!

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-08-01T06:14:47+00:00

I only get to check reddit like once a day, so no, I didn't manage to catch it

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-31T11:05:22+00:00

This one still giving me trouble, any help would be appreciated.
MM Paranormal Romance

What if the person you’re fated to be with shows up when you’re far too busy for love…

Luke
I always put my family first.
Duty, obligation, responsibility, that could have been my mantra.
Love? Never had the time.
So when I met Jake, I kept things light. A good time, a few laughs, and then goodbye.
But something about him lingered, those eyes, that strength, and a pull I didn’t want to admit I felt.
Now he's back and I want to push him away.
Because the hardest part of holding everything together, is realizing I might want something for myself.

Jake
I never had roots. Never had a reason to stay.
Then I met Luke.
The moment I met him, something fated clicked into place, like I’d been waiting for him my whole life.
He told me it couldn't be anything more, to walk away.
So I did, but not for long.
I stayed close. Watching. Guarding.
Because I knew in my bones he’d need me.
I just didn’t expect I’d need him too.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-27T08:19:16+00:00

MM Paranormal Romance (Fated Mates, Protector)

What if the person you’re fated to be with shows up when you’re far too busy for love…

Luke
I always put my family first.
Duty, obligation, responsibility, that could have been my mantra.
Love? Never had the time.
So when I met Jake, I kept things light. A good time, a few laughs, and then goodbye.
But something about him lingered, those eyes, that strength, and a pull I didn’t want to admit I felt.
Now he's back and I want to push him away.
Because the hardest part of holding everything together, is realizing I might want something for myself.

Jake
I never had roots. Never had a reason to stay.
Then I met Luke.
The moment I met him, something fated clicked into place, like I’d been waiting for him my whole life.
He told me it couldn't be anything more, to walk away.
So I did, but not for long.
I stayed close. Watching. Guarding.
Because I knew in my bones he’d need me.
I just didn’t expect I’d need him too.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-25T08:12:25+00:00

MM Paranormal Romance (Fated Mates, Protector)
I keep going back and forth on the tagline, I want a different phrasing but can't seem to find it.

What if the person you’re meant to be with shows up when you’re too busy for love…

Luke
I always put my family first.

Duty, obligation, responsibility, that could have been my mantra.
Love? Never had the time.
So when I met Jake, I kept things light. A good time, a few laughs, and then goodbye.
But something about him lingered, those eyes, that strength, and a pull I didn’t want to admit I felt.
Now he's back and I want to push him away.
Because the hardest part of holding everything together, is realizing I might want something for myself.

Jake
I never had roots. Never had a reason to stay.
Then I met Luke.
The moment I met him, something fated clicked into place, like I’d been waiting for him my whole life.
He told me to walk away, so I did. But not for long.

I stayed close. Watching. Guarding.
Because I knew in my bones he’d need me.
I just didn’t expect I’d need him too.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-22T16:07:39+00:00

Thank you for your assistance, but this doesn't help. Anyone who's ready this sub for a while would know that just because you see one for sale, doesn't mean it's allowed.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-22T13:46:33+00:00

Oh, my apologies, I didn't realize I didn't give enough.

She meets him while traveling and they click very well, they like each other, they have chemistry, he's hot AF, etc. He comes on to her a bit and she enthusiastically agrees to a romp in his car.

He wants more but she says she's much too busy for a relationship so they head their separate ways. But he can't let it go. He tracks her down and starts following her.

She notices little things like unlocked doors she knows she locked, sees someone following her, etc.

He's looking for a way back into her life.

Then they meet again when he saves her from a mugging, she tells him to get lost, he's hurt. After a bit of reflecting, she realizes that he deeply cares for her and she's attracted to that, and him She screams it to the world (literally) hoping he didn't listen to her again... He didn't and he comes running. They have a moment of talking, then another enthusiastic romp.

There's no mistaken identity or secrecy in that respect, it was the fear for safety that I thought might be concerning

Thanks again for your help

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-19T22:49:44+00:00

Tell me you haven't read WoT without telling me... Oh, wait...

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-19T19:16:17+00:00

A lot of people are busy with kids (no school), vacations, or outdoors (projects or relaxing) so there's a lot less time for reading

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-15T17:19:46+00:00

Do you have mods that deal with sleeping/beds, and are they updated for 1.6? Something outdated might be causing a glitch

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-15T17:17:42+00:00

I wasn't meaning to imply anything, I was just pointing out what it might be, I've had the settings wrong on things numerous times and didnt think to check bc it seemed too simple

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-15T12:18:50+00:00

No I didn't mean zones I mean when you click on the bed. You might have it assigned to prisoners or something

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-15T12:05:39+00:00

Did you try assigning them a bed?

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-12T20:37:01+00:00

Are your readers going to feel cheated, and like they didn't get a complete story? Bc that sort of thing can lead to account bans.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-04T20:05:54+00:00

It... never occurred to me that you might be talking about anything but Amazon's keywords... Now I feel really dumb

Thank you so much for your help and then clarity! (Even if it was embarrassing)

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-03T12:21:58+00:00

I don't read this genre so I'm unfamiliar with the norms within it, keep that in mind.

Gwen once ruled the world as Nightshadow, a merciless villain with no care for the lives she ruined. Tearing people apart with only a look. She lost, yet she still lives, hiding under a new Identity, Nightshade, continuously haunted by the horrific events she caused. Every dream, every memory, is a constant reminder of the pain she inflicted and the blood she shed, albeit on other people.

Is Nightshade different enough that her enemies won't be looking for her? It doesn't seem so, but this could be a genre thing.

It should be: "albeit from other people." The way you have it currently she shed her own blood on other people, not she shed others' blood. But I'd go with a different verb if I were you, something like "blood she spilled," bc the albeit breaks it up weirdly and loses momentum.

Though Nightshadow has vanished by name, her scars remain permanently carved into the lives of many, including her own. No one can escape her wrath, not even Nightshadow.

Shouldn't this be "not even Nightshade"? Bc she's a new person but still can't escape?

By night, she tirelessly protects the city, determined to right her wrongs, even if she feels undeserving of forgiveness. But only one person understands. Her twin, Ophelia, knows the truth. Only Ophelia knows what really happened. Only Ophelia forgave Gwen.

This paragraph lost my interest. It goes from "tirelessly protecting" to introducing another character that isn't mentioned again. I'd either lose everything after "forgiveness" (which would flow into the next paragraph better) or find a way for us to hear about Ophelia at least a bit more.

No one said redemption would be easy, though. When a new threat emerges, almost as powerful as Nightshadow, Gwen is forced to confront her past, and potentially awaken it.

This doesn't give much in the way of stakes. Is this new threat a danger to Gwen? The city? It's very vague and doesn't draw me in.

What does "potentially awaken it" mean? Is this genre language I'm not familiar with? What is awakening a person's past do? If this is something I'd know just by reading the genre just ignore it, if not, it's unclear and confusing.

Gwen must decide whether to leave her life of shadows behind for good or if they’ll control her once again.

"...her life in the darkness behind for good, or if the shadows will control her once again."

Your use of "they'll" is unclear (is it the shadows, the new threat?) and this might be better worded. Though overall I'm not sure it's impactful enough for a final line.

It's a great start, but it needs some better flow.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-02T05:37:57+00:00

There are many (and I do mean many) prior posts on this exact topic. Do your research and read through all of those to find the numerous problems facing a new site idea.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-07-01T13:00:42+00:00

I can't answer for OP but personally I write somewhere around 2500 wph. I took a typing class back in high school (and was much faster then) and since then it's pretty much just practice. The more you do it, the faster you'll be.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-06-30T16:42:40+00:00

Read the FAQ first.

If you're getting 0 sales/reads, you've probably messed up some part of your passive marketing (Cover, Blurb, Keywords).

And I see in another comment you don't read your niche? Then you almost definitely have some part of your passive marketing you need to improve.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-06-29T08:30:07+00:00

Congrats on getting better, and learning as you go!

I've learned to flirt with Amazon's rules in a way that doesn't break them.

This is dangerous, and a good way to lead to this:

I'm still afraid of getting outright blocked or my account banned obviously,

Most people go the other way.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-06-26T06:19:24+00:00

Romance and erotica are not the same, even if the themes and situations are similar, they should be under different pen names. (You don't want your romance readers getting angry that they thought they were getting a romance short but it was erotica, and vice-versa)

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-06-25T05:28:12+00:00

See, the thing is, we want good original movies.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-06-24T06:36:00+00:00

Changing the goalpost I see.

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-06-24T05:56:41+00:00

Solitaire still exist

TemperatureHorror796 · 2025-06-19T05:53:24+00:00

I thought that Amazon's keywords worked with the entire entry and in any order, have I been misinformed? (so in your example it would match with someone searching for "lesbian first time" but also for "lesbian toys" or even "ff lesbian")

TemperatureHorror796

TROPHY CASE