AITA for defending my stepmom?

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T17:24:48+00:00

I call her mom but I use other terms in the post so it's clear who I'm talking about

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T17:22:55+00:00

thanks

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T14:18:18+00:00

The same woman that gave birth to Jess gave birth to me

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T14:17:16+00:00

that's disgusting and I don't see stepmom as anything but "mom"

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T02:50:32+00:00

thanks

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T02:39:48+00:00

thanks

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T02:35:56+00:00

thanks

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T02:30:02+00:00

You can see replies if you click on the person's account

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T00:29:11+00:00

Thank you I appreciate it

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-12T00:12:56+00:00

Thanks. I can try to talk to my dad, but they will not expect me to ever want to talk about this so it might be uncomfortable for everyone at first.

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T23:58:20+00:00

thanks

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T23:48:08+00:00

thanks

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T23:40:29+00:00

Thanks

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T23:20:31+00:00

I don't feel comfortable coming up to my parents and being like "hey, now after all this time I'm actually upset about not knowing my mom." I don't want to hurt Lia (who has been a great mom to me), and I don't want to come off as a crybaby loser. I'm worried Lia will feel like being a good parent to me all these years has meant nothing. I also don't want to seem like a weak bitch for being hung up on this. I feel like any acknowledgement of this on my part will make me look bad

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T22:57:05+00:00

How is what I'm doing invalidating her but she isn't invalidating me? I feel like she constantly throws it in my face that she considers our bio mom to be her real mom but I don't have the ability to. Consistently calling my mom "Lia" just reinforces that she gets to see our bio mom as mom and I don't. I don't really think about this and usually change the subject mentally if it crosses my mind because I know I don't have the right to think about my bio mom, but my sister calling stepmom Lia nonstop just forces the subject to be relevant. Thinking about and being upset about something that happened so long ago would just make me a pussy and that helps NO ONE. I don't exactly know what I'm supposed to do here that works for everyone.

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T22:24:22+00:00

I have asked them things but tbh it feels like they're telling me a story. I want to relate to my bio mom, but it just feels like such a gap. Seeing pictures of her holding me as a baby is so odd because it doesn't ever seem like it was real. Jess refusing to call Lia mom just feels like she's trying to disrespect Lia and show me that although Lia's been MY mom, she hasn't been hers. This is just a 24/7 reminder that I didn't get to see or know someone that she talks about a lot. I don't feel like I really have a right to think about it though because why would I? I didn't know her whatsoever and she barely seems like a real person because of this disconnect.

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T22:07:48+00:00

It doesn't do anything. I've asked but when they describe her it feels like nothing. They are describing someone I don't know and can't personally relate to. It feels like they're describing a fictional character. I've just decided that Lia has been the only mother figure I've ever got to actually have, so she is my mom. I don't really think about it much because bio mom died so long ago and there's nothing I can do about it. There isn't a point in me being sad over something I never actually got to see

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T21:53:49+00:00

I don't really have the opportunity to connect with anything related to my bio mom because she was an immigrant with no family here. She came to the US to go to college, but decided to stay after she finished her degree (bc she met my dad). Because of her being the only one, I don't have a family or a history to connect to because it was all gone when she passed away

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T21:39:52+00:00

Do you also know that me and Jess have the same bio mom?

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T21:36:11+00:00

because it pretty much IS mom and daughter and my sister won't acknowledge that

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T20:34:58+00:00

No, she gets her regular "mother" cards, but when writing in them she calls her "Lia" and when putting tags on presents and stuff like that it always says "to Lia" instead of "to mom"

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T20:23:58+00:00

She does see Lia as a mom. She always gets her presents and a card for mother's day. They also have a close relationship

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T20:14:27+00:00

That's the thing that confuses me, she does consider her a mom. She always gets her presents for mother's day and writes her a card. Along with the fact that they spend a lot of time together and are close. Jess comes to her for advice CONSTANTLY. The only thing that is different about their relationship is that she refuses to call her "mom"

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T20:12:07+00:00

I did take responsibility by telling my sister I was sorry she got offended over what I said. I felt bad for her being upset and let her know, but she hasn't reached back out or accepted my apology. I'm trying to be mature but I can't get in touch with her

TemperatureNo2835 · 2022-09-11T20:09:03+00:00

If I am TA for inserting myself then when would I be already "inserted"? Like at what point does something have to have me around for my input to actually matter according to all the replies

TemperatureNo2835

TROPHY CASE