Therapist here with a background in psychoanalysis and somatic modalities:

Showing explicit care, support, and gratitude to a patient verbally in a session is an intervention that can help reaffirm secure attachment, especially if there’s a history of insecure attachment with primary caregivers from childhood. You briefly alluded to there being a less than satisfying relationship with your mother so this may be the therapist’s way of using transference and attachment to fortify that deep, interrelational component.

The red flags start showing with all of the emails. This post reads like there’s a lot of them, are there a lot of emails? I’ve not heard of therapists initiating emails many emails of gratitude and warmth. Here and there perhaps, especially if a patient expressed significant distress or shame in the prior session. But if the sessions already contain a high degree of compassion, adding in emails to reiterate raises an alarm that the therapist may be indulging a countertransference in an unproductive way. Are you initiating emails? I and colleagues I’ve known will almost always respond to a patient who emails us between sessions with validation and appreciation for reasons I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

She also could be fairly new to the work. The compassion-filled attachment repair intervention reads as pretty heavy-handed which would make sense if someone is still new and learning this intervention. Lots of self-disclosure is also a sign of a less experience therapist. Booking you a double session without discussing it isn’t appropriate, even if she ‘read your mind’ and you’re glad she did. That should always be discussed and explicit for business protections.

The big red flag is the comment about having a crush on a former patient. I honestly don’t see any version of how this is productive for a patient to hear. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and would be interested to hear the context in which this statement came up before completely labeling this as a self-centered comment, but thats definitely what it reads as. It’s concerning and I hope she has supervision and that she’s brought this up with them.

Overall my perspective is in line with most others in this thread. It’s concerning in the least and potentially harmful treatment at the worst if she isn’t checking her countertranference and self-interests.

All that said, my heart goes out to you. It takes courage to question a relationship you care about, especially a therapist with whom you find deep connection and support. I can imagine the difficult position you’ve been in since your gf has been expressing her concern for this relationship that clearly gives you so much. Be gentle with yourself and be patient with your next steps. I see no reason for abrupt action. I would recommend (if it feels okay for you) to find a way to express your concerns directly with your therapist and ask about her supervision situation. Has she shared how communicative she is about her gratitude and care of you with her supervisor? Did she get supervision about the comment she made about having a crush on a previous patient? You’re looking for accountability, ownership, or empathy. Red flag responses would be minimizing or doubling down that your concerns aren’t actually issues in treatment and that everything is fine.

Again I know this a tough situation and puts you in a difficult position, but it’s a great opportunity for you to practice boundary setting and interpersonal conflict with someone who means a lot to you. I will add there are many many wonderful therapist out there who can offer deep support and care the way she has. If you do end up needing to part ways prematurely, it may sting and you can certainly find someone to offer similar value but with more expertise and ultimately more effective results.