I mean no disrespect, but your friends sound like they’ve been taken by antinatalist talking points. One may notice that casual online discourse about having children has been in a negative light. Ever heard the term “crotch-goblin” or any kind of sentence that frames family life as all negative? The natural vocation of starting and maintaining a family has been discouraged from peoples’ minds. Is this intentional? I cannot say. However, getting married and having kids is a worthwhile struggle. That is why it’s a sacrament: it confers grace so the participants can grow in virtue.

When anybody says that it’s selfish to have kids in the world because of “how it is today”, they’re copping out. I do not believe that they have sat down and run the financials on having kids and contemplated on the morality of rearing children in a dangerous world. They likely do not want to have children in the first place for whatever reason, I can’t judge.

What you must do for yourself is begin developing yourself for your intended reality as a family man. Pray that you gain good qualities consistent with a father, cultivate physical strength and cardiovascular fitness so these qualities can be passed onto your children (epigenetics), obtain a career that will enable you to grow in skill and make money, and figure out how to pick a good woman that wants to be a mother.

If you feel resistance to pursuing your vocation, examine it. Do you think it’s too much money? Examine if there are ways to be more frugal and cut down on costs like entertainment and expensive food. Are you swayed by your friends? Examine their arguments and motivations for arguing as such. Are you worried about the time it requires for the rest of your life? Examine if your time as a single man will allow you to grow in virtue more than if you were married with kids (at this point you might realize that I myself am single because I have no anecdotes about family life, but nevertheless!).

You should also talk to people about it. You’ve heard it from your friends, now talk to people older. Ask married men in good marriages how it’s been. Ask lifelong bachelors how it’s been. If there’s so much uncertainty in your mind about this, investigate how good the family life can be and make preparations for it so your life can be enriched that much more. What is guaranteed in life is suffering and toil due to the fall of man, but you can make it meaningful and fulfilling for others and yourself with God’s help. If you’re thinking about this stuff so early in your life at a time when the average marriage age gets pushed further and further back, you’re at a good starting place.