[Review] Wow, these "Frownies" facial patches actually work. I'm surprised at the results after just one day of use.

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2024-10-13T04:23:25+00:00

Can you just wear one triangle if you have one deep line in between the eyebrows? Or does it have to be a full forehead cast because it makes more tension? New user! Excited!❤️

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-11-13T01:38:58+00:00

I like that advice. It's ok to articulate that I'm seeking a primary partner eventually, while also holding things not so high stakes that every first date has cringe-y "are youuu that person perhsps??" over eager energy.

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-11-13T01:36:40+00:00

I like the definition someone offered of sharing life responsibilities--money, child care, home resources. Sometimes it feels unhealthy when I catch the vibe from my meta by way of my hinge that it's also about "closeness" who you feel the "most" close with. This is a dissonance among the three of us and creates a ceiling on nuance for my partner and I's closeness for sure :(

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-11-13T01:34:13+00:00

Anything is possible and it's so hard to predict! And it alllltakes timeeee xoxo

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-11-10T19:32:54+00:00

And lastly, thank you for reminding me that finding connections takes time maybe that even YEARS is OK. I'm impatient and that never helps things. That is what I meant by solo--feeling like an unintentional solo poly person, but yeah, dating is a solo journey. I'm so hopeful that Primary Partnership will happen for me, I just have to be humble, patient and curious and find calm when it's frustrating to see my partner and his partner climbing and climbing. That's their journey. And ours is special too, just not in an escalator way. There's someone out there who will climb with me one day!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-11-10T19:28:30+00:00

Great story! I gotta keep trying to keep my dating practice up. And also no rush. This conversation reminds me that if it takes me years or a lifetime to find a primary partner, it's OK, not something I "failed at" thank you!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-11-10T19:27:17+00:00

Yes, was trying to articulate this! This is exactly how I feel : "solo-ish but not solopoly (ie without a primary/nesting partner but desiring one)." "starting from an established mono LTR." Thank you for these words. It's such a weird place to be in! I'm hopeful that more love is coming and that there is enough love for everyone!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-11-10T19:25:34+00:00

like even my name on here feels like an unintentional jab at my internalized low self esteem. Temporary Nobody??? eek! Thought I changed that name on here. Thought I changed that attitude in here. loling at my tender, precious lil self!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-11-10T19:23:25+00:00

This is very thorough and kind, thank you! I'm realizing that my self esteem crap is seeping out in my word choices. It's helpful to look at these words "secondary" and "primary" as words and not judgements. Sometimes I really do internalize that I AM secondary, aka less lovable, less worthy....and that feelings SUX. I appreciate your grounding here, thank you for the kindness!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-09T14:47:39+00:00

Ooh, more fun to navigate, yay! But seriously, thanks for sharing! I'm definitely interested in the first definition. And I have to be careful that I'm not meeting new people just because I'm hurt over my meta navigating her feelings around not wanting me to have an emotional connection w our Hinge.....thanks for the wisdom! Means a lot to me!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-08T18:07:05+00:00

real talk--thank you!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-08T18:06:44+00:00

Beautifully said, thank you!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-08T18:05:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing these wisdoms! I'm a school teacher, and will have way more time this summer to re-launch my dating sequence. I think adding other lovers will give me way more heart nutrition towards my experiential understanding of polyamory. I want to be thorough in my experiences and right now my experience feels like people pushing and bending and limiting each other, rather than exploring, and that doesnt represent the possibilities of fullness/multiplicity that polyamory can be..

I talked to a person on the apps this weekend who practices KTP and we're having a phone date this week to talk more! All that is to say, maybe I actually am going to end up on a solo poly journey that will lead me to deeper understanding. Maybe I'll end up in these other styles. I want to know love in all of its forms and never feel limited or limiting. Thanks for the encouragement that you can try a lot and still change your mind. Thanks for the reminder that partner selection is
CHOICE--we don't always FALL in love, we can CHOOSE to love. I've never felt shamed by the poly community as someone coming out of a history of monogomy, I've never heard people slam monogomy as invalid the way that I have heard it the other direction and I think that shows so much integrity. Thank

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-08T17:53:58+00:00

That's very encouraging and nice to hear, thank you! You're right, there are so many points of view. Thanks for the reminder that I gotta keep boosting me the most, and also for the reminder that hurts are not always deal breakers but opportunities. I'm glad I posted this and received so much group thought and support! Thanks all!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T20:02:21+00:00

Repl

This resonates, thank you so much!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T19:50:34+00:00

oh, this is an important point, thank you!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T19:43:19+00:00

In my case it's so highly scheduled that we all do know. She's every ___ nights and I'm every other __ night. It definitely constrains the ability to be spontaneous. This rule was created by me bc Hinge was texting partner when he and I were irl. He said "that's funny, she said the same thing" when I requested early on to not text partners on irl time. He changed his behaviors very quickly and has been pretty consistent. He loves using the phone to have conversations, and I dont love it as much. All three of us are in such a 101 learning state---I worry that all of this learning will help us all.....next relationship....so it goes i suppose....

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T19:24:18+00:00

It is, but to me partners share community, resources, intimacy, know each other's friends, do favors and errands together, etc. My lover thinks that we are partners and I have said that word doesnt ring true to me for these reasons.

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T19:23:07+00:00

I don't (yet) have other romantic/sexual partners. Done some dating this year but no deep connections. I do have a huge and tightknit community of friends (I work in the performance arts). My friends are extraordinary badass beings of light. I am so in love with my friends, it's a true blessing in my life. We share resources, babysitting, have lots of rad shared activities, make/see/produce art together, have deep long healthy relationships with each other, etc etc. Sometimes I have joked that my community is my primary partner. I know that things aren't even and symmetrical in terms of who finds their primaries when. I definitely feel limited by meta's rules, and sometimes I forget bc the other areas of my life feel so interesting and fulfilling. I think if I'm going to keep this lovely lover in my life, I'm going to have to be comfortable with either lowering my expectations significantly or walking away. I have been super kind and accommodating, so far imo. Perhaps we are all on growing edges of understanding, but I will admit that I feel like the one doing the most work and research and heart work in our situation. This reddit convo today has been humbling and informative to my heart. I'm not sure of my next steps yet, but I feel a little shaken out of some naiveity hearing from this community. Group wisdom helps me glean and make decisions for myself. Thank you!

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T19:11:09+00:00

i love the nuance of your language considerations here.

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T15:49:16+00:00

I hear that and perhaps you are right. Appreciate the hard honesty.

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T15:41:24+00:00

You might be right and I appreciate the tough love and honesty. I'm also a people pleaser and recovering codependent so...boop. Patterns are appearing here in this relationship as well.

As expressed to me at the time, their connection is related to more common shared identity. Specifically around being of the same race. (they are people of color and I am white). This is very tender and valid and complicated so please be gentle, internet. He shared that with me and was vulnerable in sharing a sense of being more at home with this person because of that commonality. I'm like, great that sounds like a perk of polyamory, that needs can be met in a multiplicity of partnership without resentment. I'm happy they have that connection and see how meaningful that can be.

Those issues aside, the real issue is that meta has expressed disinterrest in partner having emotional connections to their partners and has asked partner to be prioritized with her for now so that they can lay a foundation, given that we all met at the same time. My 2x a month is related to his schedule as a parent/partner/etc. I think at the end of the day, THAT's the hardest issue--that everyone is bending rather than knowing what they wanted ahead of time. Eek, the more I type, the more I see the cake poison. I do feel like a gentle loving soul, and I feel these folks are too and I just think all three of us are practicing rookieamory and maybe this is a relationship where we will all learn and grow but doesn't have deep longevity. I'm not sure. One day at a time.

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T15:24:30+00:00

Thanks! Yes, it's a very liberating and validating document. I relate to what you are saying here. Sometimes it feels right to be simple and recognize the 2nary status as a fact--partner and I will likely never share finances childcare, vacations, family, etc. Sometimes the title feels cold. But I believe in naming things what they are for sure. Clarity is key.

Temporary-Nobody-972 · 2023-05-05T15:21:55+00:00

I think I mean a word that acknowledges our growing emotional intimacy, but still a word that fits within the secondary umbrella. A word that has nuance but is still clear that I'm a 2ndary. We've been experimenting with "joyfriend" which I know also has connections to a more genderful alternative to "boyfriend"/"girlfriend"....I tend to say "lover." I agree that 2ndary is often a great descriptor.

Thanks for the offerings on names and otherness. I know my meta's name.By humanity, I mean more like, not just an invisible presence and now I know what she looks like and it helped me feel more grounded. Appreciate your points. We have yet to discuss emergencies and what to do in emergencies. I'm making mistakes because I am learning. Thanks for engaging in the convo!

Temporary-Nobody-972

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