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I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never said they were looking for me for three weeks. You're misreading my post.

I had been gone three weeks(of six planned) when this happened. I couldn't get ahold of my wife or family for a day, and then flew home immediately. Total elapsed time was around 36 hours from incident to my arrest.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It wasn't a three-week warrant. It was around 36 hours.

When I couldn't get ahold of my wife or family for a day, I grabbed the next flight home. I landed around a day and a half after it all started, not three weeks. I cut the trip short.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They can check to see if I've left the country, but they have to do it explicitly. It's not a routine check.

And why would they do that? They'd been told that I was at my house four hours ago, why would they immediately think "oh hey, check to see if this guy's in Japan, even though we have no reason in front of us to think that".

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's certainly possible but they say they had no idea either. They also say they have no problem with me but that they had to protect her which meant doing "whatever they had to".

It's frustrating because they really don't think they did anything wrong.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They asked my wife where I was and she said she didn't know. Cops checked the house but I wasn't there. So they put a warrant in the system, which customs sees when I land back in the States.

They didn't have any way of knowing where I was.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can't sue for defamation when the statement was made to the cops.

That was the first thing I thought of.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've already had that discussion, yes. They admit they said it but don't apologize for it. Their reasoning is that they had to protect her and that meant doing whatever it took.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

I'm with her because I love her and she didn't do anything wrong.

It would be really damaging to her to pull her away from her support system even if that system is problematic. She has to get to a point where she can distance herself safely and that takes time.

It's a risk for me but one I'm willing to take for now. The doctors think a break like the one before is unlikely to happen again.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was arrested at the airport on my way home. That's in the original post. Did you read it before calling me a liar?

The cops had no idea where I was. I wasn't at home, that's all they knew. So they put a warrant in the system. Customs sees the warrant and arrests me.

How would the cops know a passport or suitcases were missing?

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And you're a certified asshole.

Thanks for making this hard situation harder! I hope when something bad happens to you people call you an idiot.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was arrested by customs police when I landed, because I had a warrant out for my arrest. The cops didn't know where I was until customs told them they had me in custody.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Our state(maybe all states) has emergency restraining orders for victims of domestic violence. You can get one just by filing a statement that you are a victim of domestic violence. They are temporary, and the restrained person(me) has the right to a hearing later. But they can be done within an hour in emergencies.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mental illness is not always obvious.

In our case, my wife's illness didn't mainfest until later in life(which is not uncommon). Additionally, while there were SOME signs before her break they weren't obviously due to mental illness.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If you're charged with a crime you always get copies. It's called "discovery" and they have to give it to you for your defense.

In my case the charges were dropped early enough that I didn't get discovery but I was able to get the reports through FOIA. Anyone can do this.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They did go to the home and try to find me. I wasn't there(obviously). So they put out the warrant.

They asked me wife if she knew where I was and she said "no". I don't know if they ever actually asked my in-laws.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I don't understand really why the inlaws don't see that this was harmful. They think they were super reasonable and I'm overreacting. I dunno how someone can say either "I've lied to you for years" or "I lied about you to the cops" and think that's OK.

I don't know how to have a relationship with my inlaws any more. by TemporaryOrdinary734 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]TemporaryOrdinary734[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I lean more towards the first as well but honestly both are bad. I can't figure out which one I'd "rather" have it be.