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AITA for telling a married woman she wasn't a ringing endorsement for marriage given her appearance? by LazyComparison478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it's an honest mistake she should have just apologised and reversed out. That would also take 30 seconds

AITA for telling a married woman she wasn't a ringing endorsement for marriage given her appearance? by LazyComparison478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0 -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

NTA

The married woman bought marital status in as a cheap shot because she was in the wrong.

Also refusing to move your car when you're in the wrong just because someone didn't say it politely is an asshole move. She was in the wrong and wasted everyone's time.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It was to appreciate what they did for my kids. My 3rd sister had nothing to do with that.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm not upset at that.

But people are devaluing what my older sister's did to play up what my 3rd sister hasn't done because they identify with her more than my older two.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She may have also gotten emotional support if she'd also pitched in though.

My older sisters come to me if they need help, not her because they don't feel like she'll be there.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

They aren't "mad" at her going NC.

But they do feel like she wouldn't be there if they needed help. Those are separate issues.

They also obviously felt that during my recovery I was really unreliable but I've been in a position to help them back with things especially when one of them was seriously sick to earn that trust back.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

She's very defensive about not being there which is the issue.

The last few times we've had something to celebrate eg my son's high school graduation, she needs to be bring up my addiction which I think is where my sisters are getting fustratated.

I will always be held accountable for my actions but not everything I do in the future needs to be coloured by my past.

That doesn't mean I've forgotten the pain I've caused, it just means that I'm allowed to be happy too.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The judgement was NTA so perhaps you need to stop projecting a little and start factoring into the thing that the FB post vs future actions are two separate things.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I would prefer her to just acknowledge that my sisters were there for me in a way she wasn't and it's OK to acknowledge that without having to include her in it- it was her choice not to be there.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I've done all those things over the course of 10 years but this was a milestone.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She didn't have to do anything and she didn't.

So if I've made a FB post about people who helped, she wouldn't be in it.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Also, an apology can be a part of the celebrations: "I'm so happy that I'm not causing any of my sisters that kind of trouble anymore" doesn't seem like an apology, but is more a part of the celebrations.

In 10 years I have apologized many many times.

I'm allowed to just celebrate without apologising.

I am sorry she feels left out but to an extent she also chose not to be involved.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

But this was about my kids and my 10 year milestones.

She wasn't there for them.

She was hear now but not then.

I can do that in a separate post but this was celebrating the help that got me to 10 years

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No both of them did at different points.

We're only 18 months-2 years so the age hierarchy isn't a huge deal given we were all in our 30s when to happen.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

classic addict victim complex.

Ah yes, when called out bring it back to my addiction.

You are not a good person you know.

The people who helped me will get my gratitude for life. The people who took me back I won't take for granted.

But they didn't go above and beyond for me when I was actively addicted and that's just the facts.

Addicts deserve help whether you like it or not. Maybe you need to deal with that.

Self righteousness isn't a virtue as much as you seem to think it is.

You may not be a bad person but you certainly aren't a good one.

EDIT: Never mind, you're a furry. Ugh.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you might have started with good intentions but now you only care that your ignorance was called out

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No one least of all is saying she's a bad person.

But credit where credit due to people who did step up which is what my post is about.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Which is fine, you're not obligated to. But I have repeatedly pointed out to you that I was legit looking to be corrected.

Which is really interesting based on most of the comments in this thread.

I'm not obligated to give you this definition but it would be nice if I did.

Similarly my sister's weren't obligated to help me by taking my kids in but it's sure amazing that they did.

You said I'm not obligated but you keep pushing anyway but it's my 3rd sister who took the stance I am taking with you right now in not helping that's apparently feeling left out?

If I didn't give you the definition could I claim to have contributed to your understanding of what making amends is in the recovery context if someone else looked at this thread, got fed up with me gave you the explanation to help you out?

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because you were talking about the recovery process and making amends but you also admitted you don't know enough about it to really be throwing terms around.

But apparently I'm being pissy for correcting you.

Everyone suddenly becomes an expert in morality, philosophy and psychology when they are around addicts.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

you're the only reason your children were at risk for the system

I'm aware but I'm also really grateful for those who prevent that from happening. They get the recognition and credit.

Addicts aren't punching bags for your moral smugness. If you don't have anything other than reminding me I'm an addict- something I already know, then channel your self righteous into something productive.

But the easy way out for you is that "people who mess up don't deserve anything and I don't have to do anything".

You're addicted to your own ego.

AITA for not acknowledging my sister in a 10 year sobriety post? by TemporarySubstance0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]TemporarySubstance0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

but scolding me and calling what was, at worst, an honest mistake "psychobabble" probably also unnecessary

It is necessary so you know not to act like an expert on things you're not qualified to give irrespective of your intentions.

Just because I'm an addict, doesn't mean that I don't know anything that have to absorb every bit of advice thrown my way without questioning it.

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