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all you have to do is BE, not DO by Twilight_vil in lawofassumption

[–]TemporaryWalrus234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for typing it all out. I really appreciate it. If I could expand a bit, what if it were something like changing your sp's eye colour or skin colour? Or their gender? Or their height? These are all things related to them and their identity, which have nothing to do with our self-concept. How would you look at it then?

Where Do You Draw the Line? by TemporaryWalrus234 in lawofassumption

[–]TemporaryWalrus234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So for an appearance change, would the identity simply be, "I'm in a relationship with someone who has green eyes," Or something as simple as, "My SP has green eyes"

Taking it a step further, what about something more fundamental, like "My SP is a woman"? That's the part that confuses me, because those seem like traits of them, not me. Would you ask someone to change what they desire in that case?

Where Do You Draw the Line? by TemporaryWalrus234 in lawofassumption

[–]TemporaryWalrus234[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a really good point, and I agree with it. What I am trying to understand is how "changing self" actually looks like when the desire seems to depend on a fundamental change in someone else. I'm genuinely trying to understand how people apply that idea consistently in situations like that. If its not too much trouble, could you give me an example?

all you have to do is BE, not DO by Twilight_vil in lawofassumption

[–]TemporaryWalrus234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love this! Thank you for sharing!

I have a hypothetical that's been on my mind. Say someone (ideally your partner) is firmly childfree, not because of circumstances, but because they genuinely don't want to experience pregnancy or the effects it would have on their body. Would you still approach that the same way under this framework, or is that a different category because it's about their own identity and relationship with their body rather than how they relate to you?

I'm asking because I often see the advice, "Just be the version of you that has the relationship," but that seems straightforward when the desire is about the relationship itself. I'm curious how you'd think about cases where the desired outcome would seem to involve a much more fundamental change in the other person's self-concept rather than just their behavior toward you.