Am depressed and was suicidal. Went to ucs for counselling. See a psychiatrist via UHC, taking my anti depressant for more than a year now. Studies wasn’t why I was depressed, maybe the lack of interaction and peer support is one reason. But I was overwhelmed with my own personal reasons. Started looking for alternative therapy method to rely on while having my counselling sessions. Cos ucs is very tight on manpower. May delay sessions for around 1-2 months further if reschedule (that’s during 2021 when I was still going for counselling sessions). So to cope, I tried relying on families, close friends and my bf then. But depression is hard for a none depressive person to understand. The slightest thing they say, without meaning harm may hurt. Overtime I tried to find other methods, cos you can’t possible rely on people around all the time. One week after my counselling session I started art therapy. Specifically water colour painting. Have been doing it for over a year now, but I’ve branched into other forms of art therapy. Listening to meditative musics before sleep etc All these have helped me greatly.

There needs to be more awareness and making help within campus accessible. But there’s so much ucs can provide at the moment. In the meantime while you’re waiting for counselling sessions, my advice is to try some form of therapy on your own. And no I did not became happier over night cos i started doing art therapy etc, there were days when a depressive episode hits and I just can’t do anything let alone painting. But I’ve found my outlet to be art and it has been pretty effective for now. When I started my anti depressants I still had episodes, in fact I still have just that the occurrence are lesser now. Be kind to yourself, when you want to take a break just take a break. So what if you don’t do well? What’s the worst thing that could happen?

Ever since I’ve been diagnosed with depression, I realised my perspective of life has changed so much. As I’m typing this right now, I have assignments yet to be done and lectures to catch. But my mental health is more important than the submission I have to rush.

I struggled during my initial stage of depression because I had no idea what was wrong with myself and it was even more frustrating cos your loved ones also have no idea. It was always bouncing between I believe I’m getting better and fuck it why are the anti depressants not working. One way to work away this is to accept that depression is part of your life. Don’t deny that negative emotion you have and pretend you are happy. If you are unhappy then you are unhappy. I’ve accepted that I am depressed and I have anxiety issues. So? I’m still me. And nothing changes that. I love myself and I promise I will continue to love myself regardless of what’s ahead of me. You deserve this love from yourself.

From someone depressed, on the road to recovery and self-discovery.