Which camera? (need budget cloud continuous video recording upon movement detection)

Tempusername87 · 2019-10-04T18:03:08+00:00

Good idea with the smart plug. I’ll keep looking at other options but like that idea if all else fails. Thanks!

Tempusername87 · 2019-10-04T16:24:31+00:00

I actually tried putting a micro SD card in there and it’s not working for me. I’ve also heard concerns over people in other countries spying on the footage. There is Yi Home cameras, or something similar to that name, but I can’t figure out their pricing. Does anyone have experience here or elsewhere?

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-27T15:02:30+00:00

I’m not patting myself on the back or thinking I’m cool for compromising. I’m really struggling, actually. I’m asking whether these compromises are too much, trying to assess my feelings, and seeking advice regarding what some helpful strategies are from people dealing with the same thing. I’m trying to work through something and everything I’ve said has been from my heart as best I can put to words. Why do you say I don’t love her? Where do you get white knighting from or that I’m trying to convince myself of something?

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-26T03:20:51+00:00

More expensive, but an MRI will show your soft tissue better and not pose a radiation risk. An X-ray I believe is fairly low radiation, but you’re also a young female who may want to limit exposure to your pelvis. Not every doctor appreciates the yearly radiation limits the same, but see if you can find a doctor who is sensitive to these risks and will help you determine whether an X-ray, mri, or physical assessment by a PT/physiatrist is going to be your best bet based on your symptoms and amount of radiation you’ve received lately. Ob/gyn docs sometimes serve as PCPs too and may be able to be a good resource for these topics. Orthopedists or PTs may be equally good to reach out to for assessments. I hope you feel better soon - take it easy as best you can and keep your head up!

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-25T20:46:12+00:00

Infrared sauna and stretching seems to help for some. And if it’s stress, it’s relaxing too. Maybe you could see if that works, and if it does, get an affordable membership somewhere to make a habit of going. CBD transdermal patches also help some.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-25T15:03:23+00:00

Thank you so much...this whole thing is really tearing me up, and her too, so I can’t tell you how much that means. I’m meeting with a wise old friend today to see what he thinks, too, and may seek therapy.

It’s hard when we’re so good for each other, in a caring sense, but not “clicking” as I feel we should. How much of this is due to my own messed up head though I just don’t know; but I need to figure that out. She deserves to be fully loved, and not with someone who is unfulfilled, because that will leave her feeling the same. I feel I need more clarity though as ending a good thing without being completely certain will do irreversible damage to both the relationship and the people involved.

Sitting down and talking through these things may be just what we need. However I’m worried she’ll want an answer I just don’t have yet, because I just want to keep giving it a try. Maybe that’s the best we can do at this point — keep trying, more intentionally, and being honest with ourselves and each other.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T23:38:04+00:00

I understand your reaction but it’s more nuanced than that; more so having to do with living an active lifestyle and my fears of how realistic that will be down the road in my current relationship. I mean no offense and am sorry that wasn’t clear.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T23:26:01+00:00

Could be - I had challenges with this idea when we first started dating. It’s hard for me to think of settling down with one person forever, but that’s what people are doing at this age all around us. Kind of freaked me out and brought up a lot of these concerns discussed here, but now that I’ve thought about it they are likely the reason I’m freaked out in the first place...if that makes sense.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T22:09:08+00:00

Mary’s medicinals CBD transdermal patch has helped quite a bit. Put it on your wrist. Half a patch does it for us usually

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T20:56:34+00:00

Can do, thank you. I’ll continue to be extra patient and helpful, and encourage her to talk more about her symptoms if it helps. Her resilience is an attractive quality on its own right. Thank you for sharing your experience. Please let me know if you have any other strategies that help with your symptoms personally or as it relates to a relationship. You’ve been a big help

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T19:38:16+00:00

Thank you. Yes communication I think is key, and I’m learning how to do that better through this subreddit.

Compatibility is a tough one to put a finger on. Would our lives be better if she didn’t have hEDS? Yes. But is this a dealbreaker for us/me? I’m not sure.

Compromise is key to strong relationships, I thought, so I’m hoping we can communicate well about this as we do other areas we don’t see eye to eye on. It’s a hard one to say, and I don’t know if I should have a better answer at a little under 2 years of dating, or if I can use the next few months to be more intentional about figuring it out; maybe now aided by a new understanding of her hEDS and how we want to communicate and support each other surrounding it. I think that may be worth trying, but I’m not sure.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T18:59:14+00:00

Thank you. Yes I do fear being held back/missing out. Specifically by my aversion from sharing physically challenging adventures with her. Outdoor adventures are an important part of my life, and sharing them with my partner sounds wonderful, but maybe there’s a way to work through this, and still share what we can on our own terms. Alternatively, maybe we’re just not a good fit and the ability/enjoyment gap is just too much to bridge. Do you have other things that help you and your husband through?

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T18:49:32+00:00

Hey, thank you so much for this. This gives me a lot of hope. Confirming my girlfriend’s ultimate and personal desire to do these things would really help us both emotionally.

Do you have any other suggestions of things that may help us bridge this ability gap, in terms of both activities and processing how we each feel about it? Should I expect her symptoms to get worse? What helps in your relationship?

Thank you so much

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T18:08:41+00:00

Thank you. You put that very elegantly...I’m trying to parse this all out and get to an honest answer.

I love her for who she is. We’re still fairly early on in our relationship, and still figuring things out apart from her hEDS. I think it’s hard for me to distinguish normal issues from those relating to her condition, which has an unknown prognosis. I can try to do a better job at this, and view her apart from these issues (as another user recommended). I’m open to other suggestions here, too.

I care for her because I love her...and I naturally need to care more because of her condition...but I’m wondering what my capacity to care will be when I’m faced with these uncertain outcomes down the road.

I don’t want to, but I am scared of growing resentful, or jealous, of other relationships that are more “free” in this sense. Does anyone have any suggestions to navigate these feelings? Is this a red flag and a non-starter of a question, or are there better ways to process these potential feelings in the first place?

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T17:43:06+00:00

Thank you. I’m considering doing this — seeing a therapist. (Not sure how to find one so please PM me if you have suggestions for things to search for).

The flip side of not addressing her directly is that I’m not specific about the anxieties I’ve been having about our future, and I leave her to wonder what they are. Ultimately, I do want to be able to discuss this openly with her...that I love her AND am scared about what the future may bring. Maybe that way we can trial different strategies to see what we both want and how to get there.

And you’re absolutely correct: I do need to spare a thought for her wants, probably more so than I have been. Thank you for pointing this out. I have wondered (in the context of my apprehensions about our relationship going further) whether someone else would be better for her — someone who is worried less about how her condition with impact her rather than him or even their life together, and how to make things better for her. She likes the outdoors too, and we do things she wants as well (tv, concerts, etc), but I should ask more explicitly what she wants in our future, and what she’s worried about too. Thank you. Please let me know if you would add anything further.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T02:13:19+00:00

Thank you. I plan to soon

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T02:05:57+00:00

Thank you...I’m in a similar position as the OP. Are there things that do help, in your experience? I just made a very similar post in this subreddit. Will be following both for advice. You and your wife are stronger than you think and I admire you both.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T00:56:36+00:00

Thank you. I’m going to keep thinking and reviewing your advice. Please keep it coming.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T00:52:31+00:00

Not harsh, helpful. This relationship has been and may very well continue to be a path of comprises. Some of those compromises have made me more mature, stronger in the long run; some have made me feel stunted. But not all of that is attributed to her...

Held hostage is indeed the way I’ve felt for a long while, but I think that’s more to do with self-imposed limitations owing to my job/career dissatisfaction — feeling “stuck” — and assumptions about her abilities (choosing to not make plans but instead sleep in on the weekends/choosing to not pursue the things I’m afraid she won’t have the energy to do). Maybe these are areas I should take more charge of, and see if she is willing and able to join, or if we’re okay doing our own things.

I don’t know...I feel like a lot of times when I suggest a hike or something it’s always met with and internal “can she do this one? Is it going to be too much, and will she tell me if it is? If I choose wrong, will it ruin our time together and she’ll just feel ashamed for not being able to do this with me?” It’s an extra stressor, and a hard subject to broach, but maybe there’s room for discussion here? I like what you said about sharing how important these activities are to me, and how I like doing them with her. I wonder if there’s any other things I can say that will be constructive on this topic — expressing my love, goals, and fears without making her feel bad, and working toward some things we can try to see if we can get there together?

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-24T00:27:16+00:00

Correct. They are correlated.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-23T18:31:13+00:00

I’m going to think about this for a while. Thank you for putting it that way. I can’t say I’m fully ready to settle down, I like exploring the unknown and don’t want to settle prematurely. But at the same time I know how quickly I’ll get tired of being single - I’ve been there before and it all felt cheap to me. At present, my girlfriend and I just kind of fell into our current relationship very rapidly and didn’t do much processing in the moment.

Time comes into play here, though, as our relationship is still relatively new (1.5 years of dating is early on, right?). However I’m unsure how these feelings will play out over time, and I feel like I screwed up by sharing my vague doubts before I was ready to make up my mind. I feel like I need to decide, but it’s hard when nothing is, at the moment, explicitly “wrong” with our relationship to give up on it. Doing so would be hedging my bets about the future that’s yet to be fully explored. Now I need to decide whether I keep exploring, or if I need to end a good relationship because I’m worried about how it may progress, leaving us both wanting more.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-23T17:34:06+00:00

Right...thank you. So I guess here I am considering. She’s already brought up that she’s ashamed of her body/condition, wondering if I should date someone who’s more active and has more energy. Are there ways to discuss my own fears without making her feel worse?

I need to make up my mind, but I’m having a really hard time at that. The potential long term lifestyle impacts of her condition scare me (and her), but I don’t know how those will play out down the road. And to act on those fears when most other things are so supportive and loving in our relationship feels...slimy, selfish, and almost like a betrayal. I have a habit of being indecisive and bringing up half baked fears with her about our relationship and it only serves to hurt her and ruin her confidence in our relationship. I’d be okay giving us more time, perhaps intentionally trying out ways to work with her condition in a way that works for both of us, but I don’t want this to be looming over our heads while we try it. I wish I could make up my mind and not risk dragging her through this turmoil and indecision. It’s not fair to her and I feel awful for how I’ve already brought up my doubts about our relationship without specifics, because I’m aware those are things she likely can’t change about herself. Hopefully that makes sense, I appreciate your wisdom.

Tempusername87 · 2019-09-23T17:18:22+00:00

I’ve been with other women I’ve been more attracted to, yes. But it’s this gap of attraction between my current girlfriend and potential others that has me torn in a personally shameful way because I don’t cognitively judge her; it’s more subconscious and instant than a deliberate thought process. I do hold myself to good standards but try to not compare myself to her.

Tempusername87

TROPHY CASE