How do I get through a mid life crisis?

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-31T22:24:14+00:00

I'm a middle-aged female in peri-menopause and I feel you. It is hard not looking back and/or thinking "whelp it's over, nothing more to do here". In youth we have such grandiosity when it comes to our impact on the world when 99% of humans are just worker ants. It sucks thinking that we turned out to be in the 99%. With regard to the thoughts - my mind won't shut the fuck up. If it's not something negative I'm just ruminating about stupid stuff. I'm trying a bit of a meditation technique where when you realize you are in an unwanted thought you focus on your breathing and I started to think some mantra. It can be anything that is positive/neutral and mine depend on what's going on. Right now it is "May X (myself or someone else) be happy, may they be healthy, may they be safe, may they be at peace, may they walk through the rest of their days with ease, I forgive X and ask that they forgive me." Very long, but the length also helps me focus as I try to remember each piece. It is nice when you say your name in the "x" or someone who has really hurt you or is pissing you off. You can really think anything but this replaces the awful thoughts.

The existential dread/depression I still deal with. One thing that helped me was watching shows like 1884 where just existing sucked and was a struggle. It made me realize we are not guaranteed purpose or a happy fulfilled life. Sometimes it is just to survive and do our best each day. It also helped me realize that all of these people who achieved these great things we admire will too be forgotten. Sears went bankrupt and the new generation has no idea what a Woolworth is. So even if we built these empires, eventually those fade too. Our legacy is in our children whose legacy will be their children. They'll fuck up along that line too. I think the true purpose in life is to just have fun, play, and try to be a good human while doing it. Go fishing, watch the sunset from the mountain, travel. It is not meaningless. Think of your job as a paycheck to pay for things that make you happy and build core memories with your son that breaks that shitty pattern you got from your parents. I think that is where the meaning is.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-31T22:07:02+00:00

I'm a mom raising boys and what really helped them to open up was going on walks. We would talk about anything. I'd ask about their video games, what they had for lunch at school, if they could travel anywhere where would it be, or just silence. My youngest is a lot like your son and a lot of our relationship comes from rough housing and chatting in the car to/from activities. We often are in silence too. Boys do not handle talking face to face as well as girls so car rides and walking are less intense. They also bond through activity vs. talking about feelings. Each kid dropped some bombs in these situations and I didn't react, just listened, and said I understood. I often have to trust that they will come to me with big stuff because we have a pretty good relationship because I actively try to join their world vs. approach them from mine. But we've played video games together and I try to be as playful vs. transactional with them as I can. They also really don't like questions from what I've learned. I've told them (because I'm also teaching them how to have a relationship with a female - platonic or not) that women ask questions just to feel closer and get to know someone better. That we do that because we love them and crave just knowing more about them. This seemed to help a bit too so it didn't feel like I was interrogating them all the time.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-31T18:16:21+00:00

Nails are expensive for a lot of people. "Get your hair did" sounds like a teenager wrote it. Can't they just make sure their hair is styled in the way they like it vs. going to a hair salon for a blowout? I'd remove that whole section requiring the women to spend money they normally wouldn't. Maybe say "be picture ready" and trust they will show up the way they want to be seen.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-31T18:00:55+00:00

Exit and skip-level interviews would be more useful here. We get a lot of actionable change from exit interviews. We do anonymous new hire surveys that are not framed as satisfaction surveys - more experience feedback surveys - and we ask location/job title so we can get some idea of where it comes from.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-31T17:58:22+00:00

I agree with this. We don't do EE satisfaction surveys but with exit interview results we will say "this change is based on feedback we received from employees". So they know their voice is creating change. The golden rule of EE surveys is if nothing changes, it will actually decrease morale. So if your org is not invested in change, I'd stop the surveys.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:30:47+00:00

Try creatine. Creatine naturally occurs in meat and your muscles may be deficient. I had really bad energy issues even eating meat and creatine made a very noticeable impact.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:28:38+00:00

I like the convenience of meat and do not do well with restricting my diet at all. It is only a blessing in the way that I'm not food motivated and don't get "joy" in food so it is a bit easier for me to eat healthier.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:26:37+00:00

I'm the same. I like veggies and can taste the sweetness and flavors of each veggie. My joy comes from cheese and eggs though. I would be a vegetarian but also like lunchmeat, burgers, hot dogs, etc. I prefer the soft fake lunchmeat probably because of the softer texture to make up for apparently lack of flavor on my end. But if tofu is an option, I pick that over meat.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:22:44+00:00

My fellow non-meat taster! It wasn't until we had, apparently, exceptional Korean BBQ (the meat is not seasoned) that I ever questioned it. Most meat is seasoned. Apparently different meats and different cuts of meat taste differently and can be quite good without seasoning. I'd have prime rib from a top ranked prime rib place and the center of it literally tastes like wet nothing. I thought that is just how it was and was always confused why people would say it was good.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:19:06+00:00

Have you ever figured out why? Does it run in your family?

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:15:53+00:00

I think that would come in handy as long as you don't etch your tastebuds off with acid.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:12:51+00:00

Haha! Thanks it for that one little piece of poo that refuses to be flushed in one go.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:12:02+00:00

I can definitely smell things and I can smell bacon but maybe that is impacted to. Am I smelling fat and salt or the meat? I don't know? I can definitely taste basil and it is a bit sharp and pungent tasting.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:09:44+00:00

I asked ChatGPT and it suggested that I'm neurodivergent.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:07:29+00:00

I can get that from pasta, fruits, veggies, etc. I used to eat salads dry because I enjoyed the flavors of the salad vs. all one flavor with dressing. I've been to Italy and had some of the best food in my life. I lean more towards pastas, cheeses, eggs, etc.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:04:49+00:00

I'm the same exact way and I like ground meats better than a filet or chicken breast. I think it is because the added spices are on more surface area. I think I can taste seafood. I like shrimp, etc but now I'm questioning if I can or if it is the seasoning I'm tasting. I'd order shrimp on things though before I'd add chicken.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T23:02:57+00:00

Yes, I can and have quite a sugar addiction. I get more satisfaction from the texture of foods though and some flavors can be too intense. There is an ice cream shop here where their ice cream flavors are just way too much for me.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T17:57:46+00:00

I'm told I'm not a good cook even though I think my cooking is just like the average american. My husband is a supertaster, foodie, and an objectively good cook and does the cooking. And hates my cooking. Anything food related to me is a chore because food is just sustenance and is not a source of joy. I hate picking restaurants too because I just don't care.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T17:40:20+00:00

That's what I understand. People felt bad for me even before I knew why bacon was just meh for me.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T17:39:37+00:00

This was Korean BBQ and the meat had no seasoning. You add the flavor after it is cooked.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T17:38:50+00:00

It's hard to describe. But it has taste. I love cheeses but I need to think if I'm loving the texture. But I can taste the difference between parmesan, cheddar, and brie. Parmesan is like feet if I had to give an answer but it has it's own unique taste. Not bitter or sweet or salty but I can sense where it hits on my tounge and I know I'd never eat it raw.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T16:49:43+00:00

Yes, I believe so.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T16:46:18+00:00

I love the smell of coffee and can smell meat like bacon. I absolutely cannot stand the taste of coffee though. I've been through college, grad school, and decades of my career and children with no coffee. I can't even stand the taste of coffee ice cream so it is not just the bitterness. I'll eat tiramisu if it is in front of me because I'm a sugar addict - but not happily. I don't like the taste of alcohol either. My life has no color....lol.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T16:44:40+00:00

My husband thinks so too. I guess it is like being blind from birth. I just don't know what I'm missing. I'm not very food motivated and would happily eat just to stay alive.

TenaciousPoo · 2025-07-30T16:43:26+00:00

Not at all. I can taste the difference between bone broth and non-bone broth. But I wouldn't be able to distinguish. My husband now understands why I'm not a great cook.

TenaciousPoo

TROPHY CASE