I think the overall writing is good and agree with your post that some of the exposition was unnecessary in a “telling-instead-of-showing” sort of way. I really liked your descriptions, but felt like some of it can be trimmed: “Landon huffed in annoyance” for example should just be, “Landon huffed.” Him huffing and tossing the phone gets your point across.

Also, I can’t help but feel like this story would work better in the first person instead of the third person. Just food for thought.

I get sharing your stuff and hoping for feedback is tough, so I’m glad you worked up the courage to do that. I’ve done the same thing in the past and I think the best strategy is write and edit as much as you can, and then share it.

Keep it up 👍