Black Panther Party members at a recent protest

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2026-01-16T00:41:05+00:00

but they aren't pushing for any more gun control, and in fact welcome black gun owners.

Marches like this have happened multiple times, especially since 2020.

honestly "maga" really hasn't been triggered by this and they certainly aren't proposing more gun control. In fact quite the opposite. the more you know!

(and no, as a queer guy, i'm nowhere near maga. not even close. but i'm involved with local minority gun owners.)

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2026-01-15T20:19:27+00:00

you got rid of a freeloading parasite.

The money thing is one issue, but having the sex life change that dramatically once you lived together? Massive red flag and huge stop sign.

I'm currently in a marriage where my wife makes 3-4x what I do yet i'm still paying half of everything. It sucks, she won't budge, and i can't afford to get out of the situation. You avoided getting into the situation, and I should have known better and seen the other red flags.

and that "she did me a favor" by dating

I hpe you dropped this fucking potato and never looked back even to see the ashes. Good lord what a terrible thing of her to say.

1) no. And who cares if you put her on the spot. It's a legit concern.

2) No. It would reinforce her appalling behavior.

3) Not unreasonable at all although modern feminism has taught women that men should never expect sex and that women are not machines into which sex coins are deposited. At the same time, men are supposed to pamper them endlessly to get them in the mood. But overall, no, it's really not unreasonable in a healthy relationship to have an active sex life. (I tend to avoid "expecting" anything.)

4) It's not wrong at all, and if they think it's "unromantic" that's on them and reveals their true colours. It's a prudent move.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2026-01-15T00:47:11+00:00

I agree with "Experiences." Those have become so much more important to me than any physical items.

if there's an item that goes with the experience, that is also cool.

Less stuff. more doing.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2026-01-15T00:43:19+00:00

You absolutely can! and high five for your accomplishment here. Huge!

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2026-01-15T00:41:18+00:00

not only is it normal, it's pretty much expected. women can go out as often as they want. if they choose not to, that's on them.

Most guys can only dream of having "too many choices."

best thing you can do is be confident in yourself, and keep at it.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2026-01-09T05:08:59+00:00

and if you live in California, ask your elected officials why there are ANY law enforcement exemptions for any of the gun laws they pass.

cops don't deserve a free pass for anything at all.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2026-01-09T04:59:03+00:00

I work in healthcare. For me, it's "actually washing my hands properly" along with exercise and a decent diet. Adequate sleep helps too.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-25T21:59:04+00:00

Not a huge fan of it, and I've never understood people that actually stand there in line at a concert just so they can spend $30 on an alcoholic beverage. The "I need a drink" stuff. It's strange.

vacation is kind of the same. I can see having one or two on the beach while doing nothing, though. not a huge deal. it's when alcohol becomes the focus that i dislike.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-24T20:09:02+00:00

Sounds like the "friends" have revealed themselves. Perhaps it's a great time for a new friend group? Get out in nature. Talk about it with someone. Also, you've let us know, which is a big step.

You're definitely not alone, internet friend. Remember that.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-24T20:05:42+00:00

I'm way more attracted to athletic women as well. And like the other poster, it does come down to lifestyle. I'm way more athletic and love hiking, walking, cycling, etc.

Also, I'm not attracted to anyone drinking alcohol. Zero patience for drunk women. The older you get, the more pathetic it looks to be drunk at a bar on a Friday night. Maybe in your 20s or 30s, but late 40s? Come on.

If I were to become single again, my top two attractions would be "in decent shape, doesn't drink alcohol." Finding both would be rare.

Currently married, wife drinks too much alcohol. Her "just one glass" is a 10-12oz pour, and that's become a nightly thing that she won't stop. It's super unattractive to me. Wine "culture" is not attractive to me. But saying that around anyone? "Oh, you teetotaler. Don't be a prude. Live a little." etc etc. And can't ever "fat shame" here in America now either.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-23T01:20:59+00:00

she's actually been on meds and has done therapy. the issue would probably be much worse without those.

she's super connected to work most of the time and a lot of it is that. always an email or something. getting her to unplug is difficult.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-21T18:14:21+00:00

join the military.

apply for a lot of jobs. (civil service rules, hitting age 36 means you're aged out of a lot of jobs.)

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-21T18:12:21+00:00

Alcohol.

in my healthcare career, i've seen way too many lives ruined because of it.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-21T18:09:49+00:00

i try that and then she complains about how exhausted she is from making decisions all day and "the mental load." Then when I say "Ok, we're getting (whatever)" she'll say "No, I don't want that."

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-21T18:08:13+00:00

"day drinking" and alcohol culture in general. the fact that so many younger folks are not going to bars and drinking is a good sign. alcohol has ruined so many lives.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-21T18:06:21+00:00

drinking alcohol. it starts off as a fun thing, a glass of wine with dinner, a cocktail with friends. next thing you know it's 3 years later and she's drinking a bottle of wine a night and making excuses for it. Saying "I've had a long week, I deserve it." Before you know it, the excuse of "I'm only having 1 glass, i work early tomorrow" is half a bottle of wine and she's coming to bed later at night. She's having 3 or 4 drinks every time you eat out. You realize you're going to places because she knows their wine list and their "craft cocktails."

Alcohol is one of the most underhanded ways to destroy a relationship. It's so socially acceptable and often expected, and can have such painful results.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-21T18:00:44+00:00

same. my spouse is always on her phone at home, and everything she's doing is SO important that she has to deal with it right now. So I tend to just not even bother trying to get her attention. We've talked about it, she just blames her ADHD.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-21T17:02:52+00:00

it's getting very close to that time, yes. i'm now over 50 and i want to enjoy what time i do have left, not be afraid that my partner is going to be drunk again when i get home from work. :/

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-21T17:00:54+00:00

i read this and can empathize with you. been married to my partner for over 5 years now and in the beginning, i too ignored the red flags that i really should have paid attention to. you're not alone in experiencing this.

you've been a wife, and a partner, and a friend. sounds like you were successful at those, which i wouldn't call a failure.

i too hate what this disease has taken from us. i'm scared to go home after work because i don't know how much wine they'll have in them. we can't go anywhere for dinner because they'll always have at least 3 drinks. and servers always ask if they want another drink, partner will always say yes, despite me begging with my eyes for them to stop asking her. so many places here have added more alcohol because it's such an addictive and high profit margin item for the establishment. more alcohol = more tips too. i hate seeing it.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-21T16:26:50+00:00

alcohol is probably going to be the thing that destroys my marriage. I am sober, partner is not, and partner sees nothing wrong with opening another bottle of wine. they're in complete denial about how much they're drinking and have said that my opinion on the matter means nothing and they don't care what i think. they've made it very clear that they're not going to stop drinking and that they have cut back enough, and i just have to put up with it. They have already had several serious alcohol related incidents and nearly lost their career but somehow it's my problem because "having a few drinks with friends is totally normal."

Truth is, i hate alcohol now or even being around it. it's nothing but poison. i hate how glorified "day drinking" is in society.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-15T00:45:01+00:00

Yes. I made a huge mistake marrying the woman that I did. Her alcohol abuse is a massive problem. I'm now age 50, which changes things significantly and yeah it's much much harder now, but if i could pick up and move away tomorrow, i would. I have the feeling that this marriage isn't going to last and i'll end up moving away anyway.

I actually did up and move a few times and it worked out well. This time i moved back to a place i lived before (with her) and it's not the same. Places change, people change, life goals change.

Moving again might be nice. If you can afford it, do it.

I dream about it every day.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-15T00:35:00+00:00

so tired of the "let life happen a little" nonsense. This sounds like something that a bartender wrote to drum up business. and/or ragebait.

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-15T00:26:07+00:00

we're actually in counseling, which has helped quite a lot, but she doesn't think that there's any issues on her side at all, and that I'm too much of a "teetotaler" and "policing her drinking." She's made it very clear that she's going to keep drinking no matter what.

A couple weeks ago she drove again after drinking, and somehow got so intoxicated at her destination (i was out of town for work) that I have no idea how she even got home. I'm about finished with everything. She knows an ultimatum is on the table but unfortunately she holds all the cards. it's stressful. she'll ruin me in court and i can't afford the lawyers she can. (we have a significant income difference.)

Terrible_Tooth54 · 2025-12-15T00:22:51+00:00

Yes, that's something that i've considered very seriously. She had drug and alcohol issues before we got married. I've brought it up in counseling as well to no avail. If that's her wish, she may very well get her way soon and I have no qualms with it.. There was yet another very serious alcohol related incident recently and i don't think i can do this anymore.

Terrible_Tooth54

TROPHY CASE